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 +4Posted on Jul 19th, 2011 | re: WHAT IS ARI GOLD'S WIFE'S NAME?! (56 comments)

An M. Night Shyamalan Film

 +7Posted on Mar 31st, 2011 | re: Top Chef: All-Stars S01E16: Season Finale (Finally) (37 comments)

The real shame is that Mike’s head couldn’t take the title of Top Scallop from Tom’s head.

 +3Posted on Mar 1st, 2011 | re: Giving Corey Haim The Oscar "In Memorium" Treatment He Deserved (37 comments)

I think it’s pronounced Cory “Hymie”…?

 +29Posted on Sep 21st, 2010 | re: That's Your Newspaper: The Lake Crystal Tribune (64 comments)

“Racists gonna race.”

You know how it is.

 +2Posted on Sep 21st, 2010 | re: That's Your Newspaper: The Lake Crystal Tribune (64 comments)

Somehow I am not surprised that Mr. Andopolis is straight up racist.

 +6Posted on Sep 21st, 2010 | re: Lady Gaga's "Powerful" Don't Ask-Don't Tell Speech (96 comments)

Holy hamfisted food metaphors!
We get it, Americans are fat.

(This speech was about fat Americans, right?)

 +3Posted on Aug 12th, 2010 | re: Best New Party Game 29: Work Movies & Memorable Work Quotes (288 comments)

Love, Actuarially…?

 +15Posted on Jul 25th, 2010 | re: Comic-Con 2010: An Exercise In Total Failure (94 comments)

We’re sure you were at SDCC and not the Worst Fire Drill Scenarios Convention?

 +9Posted on Jul 7th, 2010 | re: Lindsay Lohan Sentenced To Jail OR: Animals Using Sporting Equipment (80 comments)

 0Posted on May 24th, 2010 | re: Lost S06E18: Series Finale. R.I.P. (388 comments)

Looks like Mr. Eko went to hell.

(Say hey to Michael for me)

“This is my Fucking Double/Body Heat”

 +40Posted on May 11th, 2010 | re: Bieber Films/Ford Tips Open Thread (100 comments)

 +30Posted on Apr 27th, 2010 | re: Gwyneth Paltrow Manages To Find A Way To Tolerate Her Children (73 comments)

“I started to with all these Coldplays that make noise, instead of smashing the Coldplays when I haven’t slept and, like, lose my mind, I just put on headphones or earplugs.”

I’m pretty sure this is what she meant.
Because it is what -I- mean.

 +9Posted on Mar 11th, 2010 | re: This Is Your Reaction To The Twilight: Eclipse Trailer (32 comments)

“I will eat my feelings until my heart stops beating.”

 +54Posted on Mar 11th, 2010 | re: Teen Korner: TWILIGHT: ECLIPSE TRAILER IN YOUR PANTSSSSSSSSSSSSS (53 comments)

“I will eat your heart until your heart stops beating”

 +6Posted on Mar 9th, 2010 | re: Instant Classic: Lindsay Lohan Is Suing The E-Trade Baby (56 comments)

Baby’s got a pretty strong grounds for a counter-suit.

Before I try to come up with a caption I just wanted to confirm that this is actually from a Haiti benefit and not from the American Hero Miracle World Tour 2010.

 +13Posted on Mar 2nd, 2010 | re: R.I.P. The Tonight Show (104 comments)

What’s the ETA on Juliet banging that nuke with a rock?

This time line sucks.

 +8Posted on Mar 1st, 2010 | re: The World Premiere Of Birdemic: Shock And Terror (54 comments)

Getting to see the product of so much talon-t really beaks staying in.

(ok kill me now)

 +3Posted on Mar 1st, 2010 | re: Name The Russian Jersey Shore (86 comments)

I’ve seen this.

Eastern Promises, right?

Tom Papa: So the issue is that Whoopi’s career wants to shoot itself in the face, but Whoopi wants one last hurrah (women be shoppin)!

Next week on The Marriage Barf.

 +4Posted on Mar 1st, 2010 | re: The Marriage Ref For The FAIL (85 comments)

I think we all need to remember that you don’t need to eat if you’re not really alive.
Thus, no excuse for The Marriage Ref.

 +1Posted on Feb 25th, 2010 | re: Duh Aficionado Magazine: Kevin Smith Needs To Shut Up (102 comments)

The Kevin Smith reasonable human being attention machine is hard at work once again.

 +10Posted on Feb 24th, 2010 | re: R.I.P. RickRoll (51 comments)

My No-Fun-O-Meter is going crazy right now.

 +4Posted on Feb 24th, 2010 | re: Terry Richardson's Portrait Of Pauly D. (14 comments)

That is someone’s head and -not- a pastry.