Profile 
Clambone
Website: -
Find Me On:

Latest Comments

Comments

 +20Posted on Feb 7th | re: Life Is A Highway, You Guys (135 comments)

I feel like I’m on the last few pages of “There’s A Monster at the End of this Book.”

 +6Posted on Dec 17th, 2013 | re: The Most Personally Conflicting Public Marriage Proposal Of All Time (9 comments)

The look she gives when she sees the camera for the first time at 1:40… I get the feeling that, as sweet as he probably is, her fiancee is some next-level Anne Hathaway-esque showboating musical theater dude.

Much love to the happy couple! To their friends, if he asks you to dance down the aisle, you can say no!

 +14Posted on Oct 23rd, 2013 | re: How Is Everyone's Day Going Today, All Day? (180 comments)

My wife and I are going to a Halloween party that is called the Monster’s Ball. I’m going as Cobra Commander, and she’s going as the Baroness, which, as a beautiful Eastern European brunette with glasses, is the role she was born to play. Should be fun.

 +8Posted on Oct 17th, 2013 | re: The Videogum SpoOOooooOooOooky Movie Club: The Thing (53 comments)

My wife used to work for Raytheon, which is a major contractor for the Antarctica base, and a number of her friends have spent the winter in Antarctica.

She was taken completely out of the movie by the dogs. “They don’t have dogs in Antarctica!” she protested. It was really tough for her to get back into the movie.

I live in Houston, have lived here since 2001. When I hear things like this, I want to say- we’ve got the only openly gay mayor in the country! The most diverse city in the country! A vibrant progressive blogging community! A Pride parade that attracts dozens of major corporations, politicians, and government agencies, to the extent that it just looks like broad cross-section of boring regular people, with beads!

But then, this is part of Houston, too- a crowd full of assholes, moved to tears, bravely standing up to anti-racism on behalf of a downtrodden white millionaire. I remember going to a Larry the Cable Guy concert in Houston in 2003 (forgive me, I had never heard of the guy and got the tickets for free) and was horrified at the crowd of assholes SCREAMING their approval of his jokes against Muslims, gays, the fact that our mayor was black, etc. I’ll never forget the woman behind me screaming “THANK YOU! THANK YOU!” to someone who finally had the BALLS to point out how awful it was that some people working in airport security were apparently Muslim. (It still shocks me that Larry the Cable Guy has gone so mainstream, given how incredibly offensive his old routines were. I mean, the guy made radio skits about an Asian dry cleaner called “The Gooks of Hazzard.”)

There is a sizable portion of the white population who passionately seem to believe that the only injustices associated with race in the modern world are inflicted on white people unfairly (or even fairly) accused of racism.

But it’s not all of us white people, or all of Texans, or all of us Houstonians. We contain multitudes, I promise.

 +27Posted on Jun 5th, 2013 | re: How Was Everyone's Day Today? (106 comments)

I just joined a gym, and had a personal training session before work this morning. It was quite a workout for my wee birdlike limbs, and at the end I had to leave to throw up in the bathroom. Someone heard me and (I swear to God) yelled out “Sounds like you ate my wife’s cooking!” That was when I realized that the door to the men’s changing room was actually A PASSAGEWAY TO 1956.

 +4Posted on Feb 19th, 2013 | re: Downton Abbey Season Finale Open Thread (42 comments)

I’m not sure about how the British understood homosexuality, but if I remember correctly, it might not be as anachronistic as you think. According to the book “Gay New York,” the most common idea about men with same-sex attraction in this period is that they were “inverts,” or men born with women’s brains. Therefore, they were pretty receptive to the idea that they were “born this way.” Whether Carson would see it that way… maybe not, but it’s not absurd.

 +9Posted on Feb 19th, 2013 | re: Downton Abbey Season Finale Open Thread (42 comments)

This is an episode late, but:

In what world is “Lady Cora’s soap” a fiendishly impenetrable brain teaser of a clue? “‘Lady Cora’s Soap? Why, the only association I can possibly think of is the time that Lady Cora slipped on a bar of soap and had a miscarriage while O’Brien was attending to her. Remember? During that period when O’Brien thought that she would be fired? Now why would that have gotten O’Brien so flustered? I can’t imagine.”

Couldn’t Anna, the World’s Greatest Detective before Batman was born, have put two and zero together there?

 +13Posted on Jan 8th, 2013 | re: That's Your Boyfriend: Alex Jones (48 comments)

You are missing out- this is amazing. If you really can’t stand it, try to make yourself to the end, where he adopts a British accent as an undefeatable zinger.

 +7Posted on Jan 2nd, 2013 | re: How Was Everyone's Holiday? (79 comments)

The girls are too young to have much of an opinion. The women in the family love it, and would never go back. The men think it was a mistake and are miserable.

 +13Posted on Jan 2nd, 2013 | re: How Was Everyone's Holiday? (79 comments)

It was the best I can remember. The last few years, my wife and I visited my parents for Christmas, and it was just the four of us adults. It was 10% nice to see them and 90% a total drag watching basic cable and waiting to go home.

This spring, my wife’s family immigrated from Eastern Europe. We spent our Christmas with her family this year, which meant spending all day playing with their little girls, ages 2 and 4. I love my wife very much, but I’ve never known love like I do with those girls. If we were here in person, I’d insist on showing you some pictures and then holding your head under the water until you admitted that they were the most beautiful little girls you’ve ever seen. I could have died of happiness.

I know we’re not all Redditors slapping the OP on the back, but “It’s like an entire series dedicated to those talking compost piles from Fraggle Rock” is incredibly funny.

 +4Posted on Oct 9th, 2012 | re: What Should The Tagline For Mindy Kaling's New Rom-Com Be? (55 comments)

The One Episode of Cheers Where Coach Tells His Daughter His Wife/ Her Mother Was Beautiful And She Realizes She Should Find A Man Who Loves Her Like Coach Loved Her Mother- The Motion Picture (featuring Swear Words)

 +3Posted on Sep 7th, 2012 | re: Have An Intense Friday, Everybody! (14 comments)

Great, now I’m boy-pregnant.

 +4Posted on Aug 3rd, 2012 | re: What Is Going To Be The Twist In The M. Night Shyamalan TV Show!?? (19 comments)

The monster at the end of the book is Grover.

 0Posted on Aug 3rd, 2012 | re: This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys (23 comments)

Could you recommend a Pete Dexter book?

Apparently pre-1930s movies were the fucking bomb, since they make of 30% of the top 10.

 +12Posted on Jul 23rd, 2012 | re: The Videogum Movie Club: The Dark Knight Rises (157 comments)

1) The underground prison works visually and thematically, and I’d love to love it. But it’s got a fucking pulley at the top of the shaft that would allow anyone with control of the rope to lift anyone else out of it. I understand that the jailers leave it slack when the prisoners get to the crucial jump, but the prisoners are allowed to crowd up to the jailer with the rope at will. If the prisoners revolt, they could lift each other out all day. I found that pretty distracting.

2) There is simply no way that Bruce Wayne’s alleged “bet the company” trades would have been considered valid a) after a massive terrorist attack b) after the damn cable was cut c) in violation of insider trading laws. (I’ll give them partial credit: they tried to address is by saying that Wayne could have tried to prove fraud, but it would take months. But come on.)

3) Bane’s takeover of Gotham was terrifying, and his ideological League of Shadows minions would presumably stay with him, but it’s pretty uninspiring for the common criminal, isn’t it? From the perspective of the criminals who were released from jail, or the kids who joined up in the sewers for lack of better options, it would probably be fun to raid some rich people’s houses, but a week into it, they’re trapped on an island and scrambling for rations just like the rest of the folks. Wouldn’t you be looking for some progressive new leadership?

Mark my words: this is going to come back to haunt Tripp in the 2068 primaries.

The Gingrich campaign was just a weird horrible mess, but one of the weirdest thing about it was the way that it kept pushing Calista into the limelight?

Newt’s adultery and callous disposal of his previous wives is one of the easiest things to dislike about the guy. People who don’t follow politics know that he divorced two wives, one of whom was in the hospital with cancer, after cheating with the subsequent wife. But they kept holding out Calista, like America was just going to fall in love with the helmet-haired little owlface if we just got a chance.

 +11Posted on Jul 11th, 2012 | re: Best New Party Game 67: Slightly Incorrect And Evasive Movie References (85 comments)

(silence)

“Get it? From The Artist? No, wait, when the time is right, I will tell you (Italian accent) ‘with pressure.’”

 +2Posted on Jul 10th, 2012 | re: Guessing The Plot Of Independence Day 2 (42 comments)

My god, Independence Day was not bad- pretty good, even- but every moment that Randy Quaid was onscreen was a fucking nightmare.

 +5Posted on Jun 12th, 2012 | re: What Is YOUR Fifty Shades of Grey Movie Adaptation Dream Cast? (33 comments)

Birdie and a rubber toy with peanut butter inside.

 +5Posted on Jun 8th, 2012 | re: This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys (55 comments)

But no! He was merely…