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chuck kinbote
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 +10Posted on Jul 19th, 2012 | re: Top 10 Asshole Boyfriends In Movies (89 comments)

N-no! My facebook! My twitter! My space! All lies?? Nothing more than catalogs for my thoughts? The world is turning to dust in my hands.

 +13Posted on Jul 19th, 2012 | re: Top 10 Asshole Boyfriends In Movies (89 comments)

So every website is Thought Catalog now?

 +8Posted on Jun 25th, 2012 | re: The Curse Of Being Very Good (107 comments)

Not as far as Woody Allen has! I can only think of two movies that I’ve ever turned off out of sheer disinterest: Vicky Christina Barcelona and A Tall Dark Stranger. I feel like Woody’s direction must be mostly “please say this like you are a freshman theater major and you are trying to very earnestly talk like an adult with adult thoughts.”

 +4Posted on Jun 25th, 2012 | re: The Curse Of Being Very Good (107 comments)

I very much liked The Life Aquatic. I didn’t like Darjeeling, really, not that I actually disliked it, it just wasn’t very interesting.

I think this was my favorite Wes Anderson movie. It was so sweet and managed to hit me on an emotional level that not very much stuff does. I can’t even talk about it, which is weird. It was incredible, though, and I had the increasingly-rare experience of feeling my next couple days after seeing it tinged with its memory. Also that sadness-to-be-leaving-the-characters-behind that I used to have when I read, you know, The Phantom Tollbooth, but haven’t had a whole lot since.

Anything that can hit me on that much of a childhood level without playing to the gross, petty kind of nostalgia that so much childhood-fetishization stuff does affects me strongly.

 +1Posted on Jun 25th, 2012 | re: Monday Afternoon Girls News Round-Up! (24 comments)

It’s not Kirkeman. It’s just Kirke. Jemima Kirke.

 +3Posted on Apr 20th, 2012 | re: This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys (23 comments)

Ok, I usually try to avoid criticizing from a viewpoint entirely grounded in gender relations because I think it can beget a lot of problematic and entirely useless argument about something that deserves to be perceived in a different light, but

Ruby Sparks looks…problematic.

 +4Posted on Apr 10th, 2012 | re: Game Of Thrones Open Thread (59 comments)

The funny moment with the dragon last episode has made me super conscious of budgetary stuff in the show. Like when Mormont almost pulled the head out of the bag, and then went, “Well, or, I could leave the head in the bag,” my immediate thought was, “Yeah, that’s cheaper, probably.” Same with the dire wolves. “Get out of here, wolf. No, go. Go. You’re awesome, but you already cost us more than I’m getting for the whole season.”

Also, I haven’t read this book, so I’m probably not On The Level, but the way the show is treating the Frost Incestlord’s prolicide seems unnecessarily dramatic. 1) You guys live in a nightmare fantasy universe, how are you still shocked by this stuff, and 2) there aren’t any men. What did you think was happening? What were the alternatives to killing the sons off, anyway?

 +13Posted on Apr 2nd, 2012 | re: Game Of Thrones Open Thread (85 comments)

OK, this was great, but:

1) That comet was done in MSPaint, I think, and

2) Someone gotta teach Daenerys how to look at a CGI thing.

 0Posted on Mar 16th, 2012 | re: Thursday Night TV Open Thread (107 comments)

While I’m bummed that Parks and Rec is donzo, it’s nice that they engineered things so that I would still only have to watch one show.

 +4Posted on Feb 24th, 2012 | re: This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys (26 comments)

Wait, I don’t think I’m that person. Although Jesse Eisenberg was in and out of McSwy’s when I was there, and they’re both….actors.

 +8Posted on Feb 24th, 2012 | re: This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys (26 comments)

I was working at McSweeney’s when they were filming Cherry and they said anyone could be in it if they wanted and I was like “no” and now seeing it as a real movie I am wondering how tired I was that day that it seemed like a good idea not to be in it.

It probably WAS a good idea, though, because a friend of mine dated Franco and I had this lil fantasy about talking to him about it and then he likes me and casts me as the guy with the adse in As I Lay Dying and so if I had been around him I probably would have tried to act on that and would have made an ass of myself.

That’s it congratulations to me for the most obnoxious comment

 +7Posted on Feb 17th, 2012 | re: Monsters' Ball: The Week's Best Comments (102 comments)

Gabe likes Bret Easton Ellis?? I’m gonna scram outta this joint before anyone starts being proud on Palahniuk.

 +13Posted on Jan 27th, 2012 | re: Monsters' Ball: The Week's Best Comments (37 comments)

It counts! I made it in!

 +4Posted on Jan 20th, 2012 | re: Thursday Night TV Open Thread (88 comments)

I feel this way about 30 Rock and The Office

The Office well we all know whatever cmon

30 Rock I feel like they could just give us the first three words of the set-up and we could all make it to the punchline.

 +18Posted on Jan 20th, 2012 | re: Thursday Night TV Open Thread (88 comments)

I’m not some gif wizard like all you sick twisted gif wizards, but can I just say (yes I can) that Paul Rudd’s “I’m gonna have a man who does magic. He’s really good. Not like cheesy magic, like GOOD magic” is somehow perfect in ways that I can’t really get a handle on.

 +33Posted on Jan 20th, 2012 | re: Four More Years Of Obama Singing Al Green's "Let's Stay Together" (78 comments)

Not in those terms, really. I don’t want any of them, and luckily I don’t have to choose to want one of them because I’m not going to vote for any of them. They are all the worst, and Ron Paul is there, being the worst, and they are all fitting in really well with one another in terms of each of them being the worst.

 +32Posted on Jan 20th, 2012 | re: Four More Years Of Obama Singing Al Green's "Let's Stay Together" (78 comments)

I don’t wanna make this a whole Thing, but c’mon, man, telling someone who is just typing regular lil words on the lil web to “relaaaax” is annoying.

 +37Posted on Jan 20th, 2012 | re: Four More Years Of Obama Singing Al Green's "Let's Stay Together" (78 comments)

I don’t understand why people talk about Ron Paul being somehow the lesser of the GOP evils. He is an insane, racist, nonsense scumbag who is pushing for isolationism in a time when we are quickly nearing the point of absolute international community, and who is pushing for economic deregulation FOUR YEARS AFTER a catastrophic economic disaster that was itself the result of some 20-odd years of economic deregulation.

Basically, if you think Ron Paul looks better than the other GOP candidates, put your head on the pillow.

 +41Posted on Jan 20th, 2012 | re: Four More Years Of Obama Singing Al Green's "Let's Stay Together" (78 comments)

That makes sense. After a president sings publicly, he enters a 90-day refractory period where he can’t so much as talk, let alone read, advance political positions, meet with foreign dignitaries, etc., so it’s almost horrifically understandable how you would think his singing for fifteen seconds somehow interferes with his ability to make sound decisions.

 +1Posted on Dec 19th, 2011 | re: The Gummy Awards: Your Favorite Movies Of 2011 (80 comments)

I mean okay obviously Take Shelter blah blah my butt good movie put it on the list!! that movie, the list movie

but Bridesmaids? That movie was like a Herzogian examination of the inside of a trashcan

 +10Posted on Dec 14th, 2011 | re: A Friendly Chat With Gabe And Kelly: The Dictator Trailer (42 comments)

My mind did some funny acrobatics when John C. Reilly showed up because I LIKE JOHN C. REILLY (the actor (in movies (where he is being someone fake (who did not exist (but is funny))))). Because I like this stranger person for a nonsense reason, when he came on-screen I went, “What is John C. Reilly doing in this!” Then I said, “Maybe he only saw the script for his scene and it is really funny and he thought the movie would be that funny all the way through and he wanted to be a part of it?”

Then he said that Empire State Building joke and I immediately went to, “Oh, he probably has to do this, because his Los Angeles agent the politics putting his time in the money work owed a favor to promised had to contracts.”

Stop it, me! I do not need to cavort and contort to somehow keep my causeless affection for a fake 2-d comedy man. John C. Reilly, woops on ya.

I could watch Patrice Wilson talk forever for reasons he would probably not be too happy about.

 0Posted on Nov 1st, 2011 | re: Here Are Some Afternoon Links! (9 comments)

That GQ article is confusing in a bunch of ways. I don’t know. It doesn’t seem real? It seems like we would have heard more about that? And also it seems like there’s a lot of incompatible information at different sources? But also it would be weird for GQ to engage in some viral-marketing critical-theory maneuver for some unheard-of Ukrainian director? Gentleman’s Quarterly? Uptalking?

 +5Posted on Oct 26th, 2011 | re: Wait, Zach Galifianakis Was On Conan Last Night?! (10 comments)

Ok I don’t want to be a total Party Jerk here, but god, most late-night standup interviews are pretty bad! And this is no exception! I mean, I like Zach Gaspifinasky and Conan, and I like their television jokes, but it’s super super obvious that Conan is just feeding Zach prompts for jokes that he wrote before. Obviously this is all scripted and they’re doing their job and it isn’t more artificial than so-and-so telling an anecdote about her dog drinking a Tom Collins or whatever, but I like my thin veneers of realism a little THICKER.

 +1Posted on Sep 21st, 2011 | re: Here Are Some Afternoon Links! (14 comments)

That Conan story was so good! Holy Christ! I have been spending the last few years in workshops and reading through slush piles at internships and copyediting humor pieces and I am not sure I have seen anything as good as that, at all.