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Chareth Cutestory
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 0Posted on Oct 6th, 2011 | re: The 10 Best Movie Opening Title Sequences (71 comments)

The Fall

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhARR-zmTCE

 +22Posted on Jun 27th, 2011 | re: Rosario Dawson Likes Planking, Whatever That Is (37 comments)

There’s this hobo behind my building who’s been planking for days now. Guy’s a goddamn pro.

 +6Posted on Jun 22nd, 2011 | re: Here Are Some Afternoon Links! (11 comments)

I was just kidding. Keep your chin up.

For Ebert’s sake.

 +12Posted on Apr 15th, 2011 | re: Tina Fey On Fresh Air (17 comments)

Meanwhile, Ira Glass is stuck trying to shoehorn a story about organic salad dressing into an overall narrative on post-9/11 milieu.

 +23Posted on Mar 7th, 2011 | re: Teen Korner: Willow Smith's "21st Century Girl" Music Video (80 comments)

God, remember being ten years old, you guys? Back then synchronized sand dancing was so much more, I don’t know, real, you know?

 +28Posted on Dec 14th, 2010 | re: Gwyneth Paltrow Honored With Star On Hollywood Walk Of Fame For Some Reason (73 comments)

“Oh you simply MUST have one of these.”

 +12Posted on Oct 1st, 2010 | re: Eminem Feat. Lil Wayne "No Love" Music Video, You Guys (24 comments)

“Bullying is wrong, y’all. Ok, so this next track is about me raping my ex-wife Kim with a chainsaw.”

 +24Posted on Oct 1st, 2010 | re: United States Congress Passes Historic Legislation! (40 comments)

Who said what now?

 +10Posted on Sep 22nd, 2010 | re: Guys! No! Don't Do Drugs! (79 comments)

But my binky soaked in ether is still ok, right? RIGHT?

 +32Posted on Sep 21st, 2010 | re: E-Trade Is A Stupid Pussy (47 comments)

More like BLAMnesty International.

Wait, are we still doing BLAM jokes?

 +50Posted on Sep 20th, 2010 | re: Your Boyfriend Really Hates Toys R Us (57 comments)

The auto-tuned version of this preemptively hit #12 on Billboard’s Hot 100 and my grandmother has it as her jitterbug ringtone.

What a weird-looking Home Depot.

 +36Posted on Aug 31st, 2010 | re: Teen Korner: Disney Blam! Ain't Your Daddy's Toonz (85 comments)

I brayed like a retarded mule at that line. Or is it BLAM-TARDED MULE?

Don’t joke about this, Gabe. Sting once approached me in a supermarket singing about Fields of Rold Gold and then had tantric sex with my fiance for three days. And that wasn’t even for a commercial.

 +51Posted on Aug 31st, 2010 | re: Behind The Scenes Of Television's Mad Men (67 comments)

 +34Posted on Aug 30th, 2010 | re: "Hey, It's Me, Toilet Fan Extreme" (50 comments)

I googled “chamber pots” as part of my research for a “gabe is old” joke, and instead found this.

 +11Posted on Aug 24th, 2010 | re: Quicksand: A Brief Herstory (38 comments)

Ok, so I clearly misread this as an article about American Apparel for some reason.

And I’m keeping the leggings.

 +4Posted on Aug 24th, 2010 | re: Quicksand: A Brief Herstory (38 comments)

So I still have time to demand a refund on these leggings, then?

 +22Posted on Aug 19th, 2010 | re: Encyclopedia Monsters And The Case Of Chelsea Handler And The VMAs (98 comments)

My gay friends love her, so I blame them. Thanks a lot, Sebastian and Michael.

 +18Posted on Aug 19th, 2010 | re: Man With Swastikas On His Head Unlocks Internet's True Potential (84 comments)

Usually it’s the child that’s a little Hellraiser.

 +46Posted on Aug 11th, 2010 | re: That's Your 11-Year-Old Film Critic: Jackson (64 comments)

“The Bridge to Terabithia was nothing but a turgid discussion of categorical imperatives.” – You

 +77Posted on Aug 11th, 2010 | re: Ben Quayle Would Like To Represent Arizona's Snoreth District (79 comments)

“Let’s take down the Washington establishment.” – Son of a former US Vice President

 +67Posted on Aug 11th, 2010 | re: Teenagers, You're Liking Music Wrong (225 comments)

Hey, T Mills? See this corny motherfucker?

See that old dude? He subsided off of amphetamines and peanut butter, and once wandered (unannounced, mind you) into the White House with a FUCKING GUN, and presented it to the President:

So put the Malibu back in your parent’s pantry, you unoriginal cocksucker and calm the fuck down. You’ll be much cooler.

 +59Posted on Aug 11th, 2010 | re: Teenagers, You're Liking Music Wrong (225 comments)

“I’m not going to change.” – Guy who’s modified his body beyond all recognition