Ah, shit. That was supposed to be in response to the bolts in soup. Guess that’s my cue to go back to never commenting anymore byeeee
I. PUT THE SCREW. IN THE TUNA.
Oh. Well then I am changing my criticism to “get better jokes.”
Seriously. Are you both on Twitter? I leave this town forever in less than a month so let’s dooooooo thiiiiiiiiiiiis @KiriMack GET AT ME
(jwormyk, where you been at?)
@Godsauce + others (what ARE these reply buttons?) Stop criticizing the writing style. That shit is petty and basically says “I dislike what this website fundamentally is at the moment” which is a problem with you, not the website. Gabe did not set up this “performance review” to hear all the little style-based things that you wish were more to your taste, he wants to know how the site and its off-site supplements can be more user-friendly and/or engaging. “Your punctuation style annoys me” is just…the worst, least constructive form of criticism. Bad job.
Yes, I am criticizing your criticism. “META.”
TRUE LIFE: I MET MY BOYFRIEND THROUGH VIDEOGUM. Do you think we should e-vite Gabe to the i-wedding? (Also, hi, honey! Love yooooou!)
Pittsburgh! Really? Both of y’all? Me too!
Just realized I have no idea what this place is like anymore. There’s a new writer named Kelly?? Hiiii Kelly!
I’m trying to think of what my favorite types of posts were when I commented here a lot (back in 2009? fuck I’m old [no I'm not (LADIES)]) and it’s basically the kinds of posts that are still here…WMOAT when I’ve seen the movie in question and rando vids of toddlers soliloquizing about persistence. I think the variable here is my current lack of desk job, TBH. Videogum can keep on keepin on. Forever. But now I’m out of the loop and don’t feel like I can ever get back in. If only there was an encyclopedic list of everything that’s happened since I dropped out of the scene! Did That One lose a baby tooth? Did KP take his first step? Everyone’s growing up so fast and I hardly recognize this site! The only reason I know how to navigate it even is because it has the same layout as every other Buzzmedia blog that exists.
More reviews of hotels I’ll never be able to afford and where to buy the most authentic cowboy boots in Nashville, please. (Are we still doing GOOP jokes? I have literally twos of them.) On the real though I sometimes deliberately avoid clicking on Vgum links from Twitter because of all the AAAAAAADS that make me have to force-quit Firefox. Sometimes I have OTHER TABS to think about, you know! It’s not like I can just REOPEN Gmail!
Also I’m SICK AND TIRED OF ALL THESE DANG GIFS DOWN WITH THE GIFS oh god just kidding is it too soon to joke about that?
Finally, I think part of the reason chat is dying is because at first it was exciting to get to know everyone and, yes, “awkwardly flirt,” but now we all know and it’s boring and we’re all talking to each other on Twitter anyway. As for the book club…reading is hard.
I heard him say, “My mom is DAD,” which frankly would have lent a little more gravity and dimension to his monologue.
CAN I TAKE OFF MY SHOES NOW?
(Sorry, that is the only word in my vocabulary at the moment. Uh except for these words also. These and “Mans” are it.)
Yayayayyyy! Here’s my dog!
The dress isn’t even as insincere to me as the fact that Daniel Craig gets paid all of the dollars to promote the idea that the ideal man’s man sleeps with every hot, exotic woman and then maybe kills her afterward. But I’m probably just bitter from owning so little property.
P.S. Super glad Firefox remembered my Videogum sign-in because I had totally forgotten after so long.
Video “Melancholy and Vaguely Existential When You’re Not Really Expecting or Needing That Sort of Emotional Spiral” Gum.
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I have no funny response to this comment because nothing funny can or will ever exist after this comment. Still laughing.
She is not wearing pants because she destroys every pair with her razor-sharp kneecaps.
If Marie Antoinette ever makes it into WMOAT I’m jumping this ship. I can’t even imagine what Gabe reviewing that would be like. “Marie Antoinette was a garbage monarch who deserves to go to Rococo jail.” What? The cinematography of that film is flawless. It does what it sets out to do and there is much to love, both aesthetically and in its content. I hate to be that asshole who is always like “PEOPLE WHO DON’T LIKE IT JUST DON’T GET IT!” but to be honest, most people I’ve met who didn’t like it didn’t really seem to have a reason other than it wasn’t exciting enough for them. Sometimes films just legitimately have an intended audience. If you are not the intended audience, don’t expect to fully appreciate it.
Hilary Swank looks like if Matt Damon were a horse.
Looks like this video is a hit! Wocka wocka.
Fuck me literally with a chainsaw.
I’VE LITERALLY ABANDONED MY SON!
I am literally too old for this shit.
You’re missing about 7 a’s there in Skarsgard I think. Just alternate them with the letters you already have. Like Sakaaarasagaaarada. Look how much more authentic that looks!