You guys, GWYNETH PALTROW IS GETTING DIVORCED. Goop. Worst person in the world. We need to get the gang back together, stat. This is bigger than us, it’s bigger than ad revenue or lack thereof, who’s with me????
“Wait, that wasn’t hair gel?”
FYI, the camera cut away until after the fish was regurgitated, so I’m pretty confident in saying that there were definitely in fact barfing noises to be heard if you were in the room. (Barf noises don’t sound magical.)
OK then, second try:
In Texas, a man wonders if he’ll ever find a use for his new chainsaw. Spoiler Alert: Eventually he does.
A philanthropist does a starving woman a huge favor by having her mouth sewn to the anus of a healthy donor who loves good food. Encouraged by his results and being a believer in Reagan’s trickle-down economics, he then sews the mouth of a second woman to the anus of the first woman.
I heard fame has gone to his head and Boo now demands to have all green Greenies removed from his bowl of Greenies.
The only thing that would have made that plan better is if they’d done 180 one-minute installments.
From past videos I’ve seen of him on the Senate floor, his rabble-rousing and grandstanding seemed to be much more about fueling his “cult of me” personal ego than about getting things done. That doesn’t mean you can’t agree with the things he says, but he seemed to be as tone-deaf as a politician as he is in handling his personal affairs. We need politicians who can get changes passed, not just piss people off.
I heard when they’re going to visit friends, if she starts to approach the door he says, “I… Am… The one who knocks!”
(confession: I didn’t really hear that)
That was his edited response. His full response was:
Vin Diesel: “I don’t give a fuck about Batman. Or who plays Batman. But don’t get me started on that godawful Fifty Shades Of Gray casting…”
I bet she makes him speak in a really high voice at home.
On a related note, Schwimmer was IN Band of Brothers being a jerk, so… There’s your full circle.
Look Kelly, I don’t want to criticize your criticizing of the cast of the Lone Ranger criticizing their criticizing critics, but…
Well, it turns out that’s all I came here to say.
KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN ! ! ! ! !
Why, Orange you glad she had Apple?
Dear god, please let her walk off a cliff to prove to everyone that nothing in nature can hurt you…
Also Gabe, I haven’t seen the movie, and:: “…and the cool beads of sweat that dripped down mama’s…” Maybe it’s just me but I thought you were going somewhere else with that sentence.
Also: How is this review not part or Rotten Tomato’s ratings?
Also: No Krypto.
Gabe, *SPOILER ALERT* would be appropriate text before revealing the “Space Hitler” spoiler. Just saying.
I feel like making fun of this, but I’m currently pitching a sitcom idea that spelled itself out in my alphabet soup last week, so I’m holding my tongue for now.
I understand that to some people, “thank god” means the same as “thank my lucky stars”, but Wolf said “thank the LORD”, which sounded really awkward coming out of him… BTW, it’s not like the bible belt is 98% christian or anything, just like lots of “red states” are actually just 55-60% republican.
At what point do these questions start making you uncomfortable?
“Do you thank the lord that you survived?”
“Do you thank Jesus Christ that you survived?”
“Do you thank Jesus Christ Our Lord And Savior that you survived?”
“Which catholic saint do you feel is most responsible for saving your life?”
“Do you thank Allah you survived?”
“Do you wish The Lord loved those who died from the tornado as much as He obviously loves you?”
If you don’t like this you’re REALLY not going to like their followup product “TweetCum” that husbands/boyfriends will soon have to take with them on business trips.
So wait, which one of the “women” was in drag? Or are they both? Or were they in the video to explain why the guy had turned gay? (Watching at work so I had the sound off…)
My theory on how People makes this decision: Their staff all write down a celebrity’s name, then they all chug sodas really quickly and whoever burps the loudest gets their celebrity on the cover.
It’s all very scientific.
General: “Those aren’t ideas, those are special effects!”
Michael Bay: “I don’t understand the difference.”
General: “I know you don’t. Get him out of here!”
There are two types of singers: those who love music and whose who do underwear commercials. The 2nd kind is commonly known as “underwear models”.