capt clown
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 +3Posted on Mar 25th, 2014 | re: Heaven Just Got A Little More Videogum (279 comments)

You guys, GWYNETH PALTROW IS GETTING DIVORCED. Goop. Worst person in the world. We need to get the gang back together, stat. This is bigger than us, it’s bigger than ad revenue or lack thereof, who’s with me????

“Wait, that wasn’t hair gel?”

FYI, the camera cut away until after the fish was regurgitated, so I’m pretty confident in saying that there were definitely in fact barfing noises to be heard if you were in the room. (Barf noises don’t sound magical.)

 +7Posted on Oct 28th, 2013 | re: Best New Party Game: Non-Scary Scary Movie Plot Synopses! (67 comments)

OK then, second try:

In Texas, a man wonders if he’ll ever find a use for his new chainsaw. Spoiler Alert: Eventually he does.

 +3Posted on Oct 28th, 2013 | re: Best New Party Game: Non-Scary Scary Movie Plot Synopses! (67 comments)

A philanthropist does a starving woman a huge favor by having her mouth sewn to the anus of a healthy donor who loves good food. Encouraged by his results and being a believer in Reagan’s trickle-down economics, he then sews the mouth of a second woman to the anus of the first woman.

I heard fame has gone to his head and Boo now demands to have all green Greenies removed from his bowl of Greenies.

 +10Posted on Oct 9th, 2013 | re: How Was Everyone's Day Today? (156 comments)

The only thing that would have made that plan better is if they’d done 180 one-minute installments.

From past videos I’ve seen of him on the Senate floor, his rabble-rousing and grandstanding seemed to be much more about fueling his “cult of me” personal ego than about getting things done. That doesn’t mean you can’t agree with the things he says, but he seemed to be as tone-deaf as a politician as he is in handling his personal affairs. We need politicians who can get changes passed, not just piss people off.

I heard when they’re going to visit friends, if she starts to approach the door he says, “I… Am… The one who knocks!”

(confession: I didn’t really hear that)

 +8Posted on Sep 5th, 2013 | re: Quote Of The Day: Vin Diesel Doesn't Give A Fuck About Batman (24 comments)

That was his edited response. His full response was:

Vin Diesel: “I don’t give a fuck about Batman. Or who plays Batman. But don’t get me started on that godawful Fifty Shades Of Gray casting…”

I bet she makes him speak in a really high voice at home.

 +3Posted on Aug 29th, 2013 | re: Best New Party Game: Friends-Themed Anti-David Schwimmer Graffiti (37 comments)

On a related note, Schwimmer was IN Band of Brothers being a jerk, so… There’s your full circle.

 +2Posted on Aug 7th, 2013 | re: Cast Of The Lone Ranger Criticizes Critics' Criticism Of The Lone Ranger (34 comments)

Look Kelly, I don’t want to criticize your criticizing of the cast of the Lone Ranger criticizing their criticizing critics, but…

Well, it turns out that’s all I came here to say.

 +5Posted on Jul 19th, 2013 | re: The Kirk Cameron Movie Trailer That Facebook Doesn't Want You To See! (33 comments)


Why, Orange you glad she had Apple?

Dear god, please let her walk off a cliff to prove to everyone that nothing in nature can hurt you…

 +2Posted on Jun 17th, 2013 | re: The Videogum Movie Club: Man Of Steel (68 comments)

Also Gabe, I haven’t seen the movie, and:: “…and the cool beads of sweat that dripped down mama’s…” Maybe it’s just me but I thought you were going somewhere else with that sentence.

Also: How is this review not part or Rotten Tomato’s ratings?

Also: No Krypto.

 0Posted on Jun 17th, 2013 | re: The Videogum Movie Club: Man Of Steel (68 comments)

Gabe, *SPOILER ALERT* would be appropriate text before revealing the “Space Hitler” spoiler. Just saying.

 +6Posted on Jun 12th, 2013 | re: The Thing About Making TV Shows Based On Twitter (73 comments)

I feel like making fun of this, but I’m currently pitching a sitcom idea that spelled itself out in my alphabet soup last week, so I’m holding my tongue for now.

 +3Posted on May 22nd, 2013 | re: Did You Thank The Lord, Though? (30 comments)

I understand that to some people, “thank god” means the same as “thank my lucky stars”, but Wolf said “thank the LORD”, which sounded really awkward coming out of him… BTW, it’s not like the bible belt is 98% christian or anything, just like lots of “red states” are actually just 55-60% republican.

At what point do these questions start making you uncomfortable?

“Do you thank the lord that you survived?”
“Do you thank Jesus Christ that you survived?”
“Do you thank Jesus Christ Our Lord And Savior that you survived?”
“Which catholic saint do you feel is most responsible for saving your life?”
“Do you thank Allah you survived?”
“Do you wish The Lord loved those who died from the tornado as much as He obviously loves you?”

 +10Posted on May 9th, 2013 | re: This Is Just Some Really Good Diaper Tech (26 comments)

If you don’t like this you’re REALLY not going to like their followup product “TweetCum” that husbands/boyfriends will soon have to take with them on business trips.

 +3Posted on Apr 25th, 2013 | re: This Is Just A Good Anti-Gay Marriage Video (42 comments)

So wait, which one of the “women” was in drag? Or are they both? Or were they in the video to explain why the guy had turned gay? (Watching at work so I had the sound off…)

 +7Posted on Apr 24th, 2013 | re: Hollywood's Most Hated Celebrity Also The World's Most Beautiful Woman? (44 comments)

My theory on how People makes this decision: Their staff all write down a celebrity’s name, then they all chug sodas really quickly and whoever burps the loudest gets their celebrity on the cover.

It’s all very scientific.

 +5Posted on Apr 23rd, 2013 | re: Starting Over With Michael Bay (30 comments)

General: “Those aren’t ideas, those are special effects!”

Michael Bay: “I don’t understand the difference.”

General: “I know you don’t. Get him out of here!”

 +8Posted on Apr 22nd, 2013 | re: Mark Wahlberg Is One Of The Two Types Of Comedians, Says Mark Wahlberg (28 comments)

There are two types of singers: those who love music and whose who do underwear commercials. The 2nd kind is commonly known as “underwear models”.