This will sell. People will buy anything. People without kids to feed. Like my asshole cousin. He’ll show me all about it at some family function and be all excited and I’ll pretend like I’m interested and nod a lot and then be like, “Thanks. See you next year.” That will be the extent of my relationship with the iPad. Thanks, Jobs.

If you reach out to clean some sauce off my shirt, you better be my mom. Or we’re gonna have wordz.

I came home drunk in the middle of the night last night and tried to read this, but gave up because it was confusing. I just tried to read it again and this movie still seems really confusing. What’s also weird is that I’m sure I saw this movie, but I’m still confused.

This is not the first time Britney’s spoken in a British accent.

Dear Conan,

I’ll see you at Fox or Comedy Central, so you won’t be lonely.

Forever,

Brett

Why don’t we get off The Rock, I just got off yours.

I like that TMZ has to clarify the slang’s misspelling. Thanks TMZ! The more you know!