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 +5Posted on Oct 4th, 2011 | re: Hank Williams Jr. Seems Pretty Normal (75 comments)

Actually, Ezra Pound probably would have loved his analogy! What with his raging antisemitism.

 +10Posted on Jul 20th, 2011 | re: Dancing Squid Is Horrifying Please Don't Eat It (50 comments)

I understand logically that it’s dead, but a part of me screams “It’s still moving! KILL IT WITH FIRE!” And I imagine that part of me might be kind of resistant to the idea of putting it near my mouth.

 +3Posted on Jun 23rd, 2011 | re: Duh Aficionado Magazine: The Killing's Showrunner Is Full Of It (53 comments)

Oh, right! I’d mostly forgotten who actually did it. Bob’s super creepy face is eternally seared into my brain though, so it’s no surprise I always think of him as the culprit.

 +4Posted on Jun 23rd, 2011 | re: Duh Aficionado Magazine: The Killing's Showrunner Is Full Of It (53 comments)

Oh God, I broke the internet talking about Bob. I’m probably going to have nightmares now.

 +2Posted on Jun 23rd, 2011 | re: Duh Aficionado Magazine: The Killing's Showrunner Is Full Of It (53 comments)

Yeah, I was wondering the other day if Twin Peaks would have upset me too, had I not been able to jump from straight from season one on DVD to season two. Season two really sagged in the middle anyway, but at least you didn’t have to wait a week to find out what happened next.

 +3Posted on Jun 23rd, 2011 | re: Duh Aficionado Magazine: The Killing's Showrunner Is Full Of It (53 comments)

Did Lynch know beforehand? I read somewhere that Bob only emerged as a character when Lynch saw the prop guy standing behind a dresser and thought he looked really creepy.

None of which changes the fact that Twin Peaks is incredible and The Killing stinks, but you know.

 +23Posted on Jun 23rd, 2011 | re: The Footloose Remake Trailer, You Guys (62 comments)

You don’t get to 500 million dances without making out with a few preachers’ daughters.

 +8Posted on Jun 23rd, 2011 | re: The Footloose Remake Trailer, You Guys (62 comments)

Ah, MA. That explains the part where he says “This is ah time.”

 +29Posted on Jun 23rd, 2011 | re: J.K. Rowling Announces What Pottermore Is Finally (40 comments)

Probably a few people argued against it, but they were Potterless to stop it.

 +1Posted on Jun 23rd, 2011 | re: Good Morning Lego Prank! (34 comments)

My only experience with Legoland came one night last week when I couldn’t sleep and spent about twenty minutes looking through a friend’s Legoland photo album on facebook. It was truly the most boring twenty minutes of my life. Maybe it’s fun if you’re not an adult/are seeing it in person?

 +2Posted on Jun 22nd, 2011 | re: Tobey Maguire Is A Poker Genius And Also Getting Sued (18 comments)

1. Please don’t smoke in bed.
2. Please don’t participate in high-stakes gambling rings.

Maybe you should have kept reading, Tobey!

 +5Posted on Jun 22nd, 2011 | re: The World's First Dog To Receive Four Prosthetic Legs For Some Reason (36 comments)

Agreed. Nobody says, “I would love to just empty my bank account and donate it all to the next down-on-his-luck dude I see in the street, except my dog can’t live off anything but organic, grain-fed chicken…”

Not that I think it’s right that we fetishize our pets and treat them better than people. But I also see pets as something of a public health boon. They increase happiness by decreasing stress (and all those icky stress-related health consequences). Which, in turn, puts less pressure on our public health care system. So…? Complicated.

 +10Posted on Jun 20th, 2011 | re: Teenagers, You Are Still Liking Music Wrong (48 comments)

Oh, bad language apologies. I don’t mean to sound so aggressive. It’s just that I’m so very educated.

 +13Posted on Jun 20th, 2011 | re: Teenagers, You Are Still Liking Music Wrong (48 comments)

Any time I see a privileged, young, white, asshole acting like he’s so fucking hardcore he can handle anything, I like to imagine I am operating some kind of galactic crane. And that I can just pick him up by the back of his shirt crane-game style and transport him all the way to some war-torn, fucking psychotic place. Like, hey guy! You think you’re badass? Try some Libyan rebellion on for size!

 +3Posted on Jun 17th, 2011 | re: Headline Of The Day: Anthony Weiner Approached For Cameo On Entourage (24 comments)

And now Weiner can begin his descent into Jerry Springer style infamy! Remember when that guy was a full-of-potential politician who tanked his whole career with some seriously bad decisions?

 +1Posted on Jun 16th, 2011 | re: Terrible Woman Went To Lots Of Schools (81 comments)

I can speak from experience. A person would pretty much have to be crazy to get all the useless degrees I’ve got! But on the plus side, it makes for a great conversation starter on the train.

 +1Posted on Jun 16th, 2011 | re: An Open Letter To Vancouver (115 comments)

I’m super late to the party. Still, I’d like to point out that Vancouver might be “Canada’s team” or whatever, but the Bruins technically have more Canadian players. So… chill out, Vancouver? We’re still pretty good at hockey!

 +7Posted on Jun 14th, 2011 | re: Get Well Soon, Sean Bean! (45 comments)

Too soon!

Didn’t anyone tell him that Newtonian physics has no satisfactory explanation for quantum mechanics or nuclear physics and that, as a model for the universe, it’s mostly been supplanted? Ashton’s been punk’d!

 +1Posted on Apr 14th, 2011 | re: Chicks With Steve Buscemi Eyes (53 comments)

Wait, I thought it was 12 years! Time to get your story straight, spambot, before we start to doubt your credibility.

Someday in my future–could be fifteen, thirty, even fifty years from now–I imagine I will reflect back on this time in my life and think, “Why didn’t I study just a little bit harder for my MCATs? I could have been a doctor. I could have done something with meaning. What was I even doing with my time back then?”

And then I will remember the three minutes and thirty-seven seconds I spent on this video and be content that I made the right decision. Probably.

 +3Posted on Apr 14th, 2011 | re: Meet Braco, Be Changed (93 comments)

Oh God, now I can’t unsee it!

 +4Posted on Mar 1st, 2011 | re: Zach Galifianakis To Host Saturday Night Live On March 12 (17 comments)

I don’t know, I think they’re onto something! Do you remember the last time you loved the cast of SNL completely, felt like every joke came off exactly as it was supposed to, and never missed an episode? For me it was probably about 14, when staying up until 1:00 am felt like a minor rebellion and my sense of humour was still in development.

Courting the adolescents is smart. If the producers are lucky, those kids will grow up with just as much misplaced nostalgia for the show as we had and it’ll be around for another 36 seasons. And a new generation will be watching and cringing and wondering who that 15-year-old with the funny hair is and why he’s up past his bedtime.

 +2Posted on Mar 1st, 2011 | re: I Wish This Guy Was My Dad (43 comments)

Agreed. This one hit a little too close to home. I think I have to call my dad now?

 +15Posted on Feb 25th, 2011 | re: Monsters' Ball: The Week's Best Comments (123 comments)

Nobody is attacking you personally or calling you stupid. This is a contentious issue and you’re welcome to your point of view. But it’s possible there are aspects to the debate that you haven’t considered, and it looks to me like we were just pointing those out.

You’re right, though. It’s a Friday night and I’m at home on the internet, checking in on this thread. I have a lot of work to do tonight and occasionally it’s nice to take five minutes away from the things I should be doing to chill out and watch some gifs. Maybe I should be doing more of the chilling out, though, and less of the engaging in debate stuff (I just happen to kind of enjoy arguing about these things, that’s all). Also, for the record, I would have no problem saying any of these things to your face. One, because I have no filter and two, because I volunteer with a sexual education group and basically one of my jobs is to say these things to peoples’ faces all day.