This show has taught me to have an irrational fear of absolutely every even slightly abnormal feeling I experience. Headache? I must be pregnant. Nausea? Definitely pregnant. Back pain? I’m going into labor. Stomach pain? Excuse me, I need to go deliver the child I didn’t know I was carrying.

Oops. Reply fail. Allow me to downvote myself for you.

Found out my mom, who wouldn’t let me play with water guns when I was growing up, bought a gun this year. She finally admitted that it’s for when the black people take over America in 2012. I forgot that things like slightly ignorant comments from an over-earnest Chris Matthews are considered racist by people not from the South.

OK, I know Lindsay saw it and sort of reviewed it when it came out, but there was wine involved, and my sister forced me to watch it over Christmas without wine. And then she abandoned me, yelling–actually YELLING–”This is NOT how human beings act!” So, because I watched a movie in which a guy told the girl I was supposed to identify with that he liked her because she was “pathetic” like a “BASSET HOUND,” I nominate He’s Just Not That Into You.

I still think the least believable part of this movie was everyone repeatedly treating Canada like it would actually have some sort of say when the real 2012 happens.