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 +3Posted on Aug 15th, 2013 | re: This Is Just A Goodbye Post (241 comments)

Gabe has been injected into the mainframe computer and become pure energy.

Goodbye from an OG Monster.

 +29Posted on Mar 1st, 2012 | re: Obama Clinches Re-Election With Omar Little Name Drop (52 comments)

Obama comin’.

 +8Posted on Feb 24th, 2012 | re: Top Chef S09E15: Open Thread (34 comments)

“I’m worried about Gabe. He doesn’t even care anymore.” – my mom.

 +3Posted on Feb 3rd, 2012 | re: 42 Saint Bernards (34 comments)

Do they all have names? HOW DO YOU KNOW WHICH IS WHICH?

 +2Posted on Jan 31st, 2012 | re: Game Of Thrones Season 2 Trailer, You Guys (19 comments)

SEVEN HELLS, GABE! I need this to happen.

 +4Posted on Jan 16th, 2012 | re: Chris Gethard Calls Out Videogum Commenter Just Dessérts (25 comments)

Not soon enough.

 +7Posted on Jan 16th, 2012 | re: Chris Gethard Calls Out Videogum Commenter Just Dessérts (25 comments)

Too soon.

 +4Posted on Dec 27th, 2011 | re: Favorite TV Shows Of 2011 (68 comments)

You have the correct opinions. Joe Gilgun is kind of amazing. He’s better than Nathan.

Quit it, hating on me AND DON’T. When you wrestle with the devil, you’re gonna get wet with fire… etc etc etc

 +4Posted on Dec 27th, 2011 | re: Favorite TV Shows Of 2011 (68 comments)

My list: Downton Abbey, Game of Thrones, Community, Alphas (came out of nowhere as a favorite!), and Misfits. Seriously, those are the best shows.

 +1Posted on Dec 20th, 2011 | re: A Butter Message To The USA! (26 comments)

alternately: “Butter cries.”

 +1Posted on Dec 20th, 2011 | re: A Butter Message To The USA! (26 comments)

“Butter Christ.”

 +1Posted on Dec 3rd, 2011 | re: This Is Your Music Video: Alternate Reality's "The King That Never Was" (28 comments)

It’s no Shine on Me, but it’ll do.

 +5Posted on Dec 2nd, 2011 | re: Watch Bobby McFerrin Demonstrate Our Musical Genius (27 comments)

Get yer GOTDAMN science outta my happiness!

 +18Posted on Nov 28th, 2011 | re: This Is Just A VERY Good Kiss (35 comments)

The parents really have the gall to look embarrassed at the end??? As if they didn’t raise these kids to be sex-fearing, face-gnawing, kiss demons?

This should be shown to all conservative parents. There’s nothing pure or beautiful about this. It’s actually more off putting than (what I hear it’s like to watch) really niche porn.

 +7Posted on Nov 28th, 2011 | re: Woman Terrified Of Cats Is Ridiculous, Hilarious (54 comments)

Phobia confessions time?

Alright. I’m not AFRAID of these things, but they freak me out: big, full trees on stormy nights (They could fall on you or pick you up and run away. Either one, really), being surrounded by trucks on the expressway (They could all – sovereign of their drivers – decide to box you in and smush your tiny car because hahahaha they’re trucks and you’re not), being blocked by a really loud train while I’m on my bike (Bikes don’t have windows to roll up, so you’re just the jerk with your fingers in your ears – and your eyes squeezed closed? – on your bike while the train is passing).

Now… does the fact that each of these things begins with “tr” have anything to do with this? Who can say? It’s probably just a coincidence, right?

Your turn.

 +30Posted on Nov 21st, 2011 | re: Rest Your Case, Store At The Mall Selling Crotchless Panties For Children! (42 comments)

Why would the store sell crotchless panties for babies??? Valid question.

But I think the problem goes a little higher up. WHY IS THERE A FACTORY MAKING CROTCHLESS PANTIES FOR BABIES??? Who is making these? Why would they even exist? Let alone be sold.

I can’t.

 +4Posted on Nov 12th, 2011 | re: This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys (35 comments)

My favorite part of the Snow White trailer is the part where they didn’t let Kristen Stewart – the star of the movie – say even one word.

 +18Posted on Nov 9th, 2011 | re: Who Should Produce The Academy Awards?! (99 comments)

Spike Lee: the Oscars will be held in Brooklyn on a stoop where Rosie Perez will sing-shout the names of all nominees and winners while being shot from alternately a bird’s and worm’s eye-view… She’s and the title will be changed to The 84th Annual Academy Awards: A Spike Lee Joint. Music by Radio Raheem.

He’s clearly been a journalist for at least 100 years. You’d think he’d know how to do an interview without SO MANY yes or no questions.

/sour grapes

I choose to believe that we just witnessed vector art in reverse.

 +7Posted on Nov 3rd, 2011 | re: Downton Abbey To Get A Third Season (12 comments)

Right! That’s how I watch Downton and Misfits. And once Downton IS on in America, Game of Thrones, Mad Men, and probably some other stuff will be back. SUNDAY NIGHT TV OPEN THREAD, YOU GUYS!

 +12Posted on Nov 3rd, 2011 | re: Top Chef S09E01: Everything's Boringer In Texas (25 comments)

Uh oh! I have to tell my mom these recaps are back.

 +7Posted on Nov 3rd, 2011 | re: Downton Abbey To Get A Third Season (12 comments)

I will not stop requesting a Sunday Night TV Open Thread. This is something that should exist.

 +2Posted on Oct 31st, 2011 | re: Woman Responds To Marriage Proposal Like A True Lady (34 comments)

Right? I watched Downton Abbey LAST NIGHT and Maggie Smith pronounced it chaise looooong. (Is this what you meant by “recently?” If so… OMG, why isn’t there a Sunday Night TV Open Thread? Walking Dead, Downton Abbey, Boardwalk Empire, THE RETURN OF MISFITS, and soon enough Mad Men and Game of Thrones! Open thread? Open thread!)

But yea… that pronunciation made me question everything I ever believed.

 +23Posted on Oct 31st, 2011 | re: The Walking Dead S02E03: The One Where Shane Gets A Haircut (91 comments)

I think every show should hire its biggest fan as a consultant to prevent weird inconsistencies and slip ups like the hair grooming thing.

I mean, T-Dog’s hair has been closely cropped for how long now? He should definitely have an afro.

And Darryl has been retrieving his arrows in every episode until this one. Why is it all of a sudden a waste of an arrow to shoot a hanging zombie? I’m pretty sure after killing The Literal Walking Dead, it’s not much of an inconvenience to climb a very medium-sized tree for Arrows That Are In Limited Supply And Also Very Valuable.

I watch this show because there’s nothing else like it on and I enjoy this kind of thing, but I’m just so frustrated.

And no more dialogue about/flashbacks to things that happened a long time ago – and were unimaginably insipid THEN – that are supposed to be characterization, but are mainly just so boring and pointless I hope all the characters die.