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 +6Posted on Mar 16th, 2012 | re: Live Your Dreams, Make Your "My Heart Will Go On" Cover Video (20 comments)

0:58-1:01. Who is that guy? Because he just made me spit coffee all over my desk and now owes me one Federal grant application.

 +23Posted on Jan 31st, 2012 | re: Kate Hudson Spotted With The New Mr. Cool Disguise (130 comments)

This whole thing feels so Empire Records. Did you just want to become a Monster this whole time, Warren?

 +1Posted on Jan 25th, 2012 | re: Freestyling Father-To-Be Is Going To Be A Wonderful Father (16 comments)

My dad wouldn’t hold my mom’s hand during delivery because he was too busy taking pictures of me crowning. #picturesiwishwerentinmybabybook #divorceforeshadowing

 +7Posted on Jan 24th, 2012 | re: Here Are Some Afternoon Links! (20 comments)

I’m so sad I wasn’t at Wet Hot American Summer. That and ASSSSCAT sold out super fast :( I would have stalked Amy Poehler after either show and gotten real weird with it. Woulda been awesome.

 +5Posted on Jan 17th, 2012 | re: Oh My God Do Not Watch This Spider Video (71 comments)

YES. We have the worst ants because our apartment is full of holes and it’s about to start raining and they’re gonna try to come back inside and I’m gonna cinnamon those motherfuckers like they’ve never been cinnamoned before. Thanks for the tip!

 +8Posted on Jan 17th, 2012 | re: Oh My God Do Not Watch This Spider Video (71 comments)

My favorite part of this amazing diatribe is where “erase your hard drive” falls between “kill your family” and “lay eggs in your skull.”

 0Posted on Nov 18th, 2011 | re: Thursday Night TV Open Thread (112 comments)

Didn’t they move to New York? I thought I heard he moved to New York to be with her.

 +4Posted on Nov 18th, 2011 | re: This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys (82 comments)

I know we’re all anti-Titanic in 3D because DUH, but I think we’re forgetting one very important thing: Kate Winslet’s boobs.

 +2Posted on Nov 18th, 2011 | re: This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys (82 comments)

Try the books again. They are the best and they read really quickly so if you’re not into it after the first one, you’ve lost, like, 4 hours. But you will be into it after the first one.

 +3Posted on Nov 17th, 2011 | re: That's NOT Your Protest: The Ryan Gosling People Magazine Protest (29 comments)

I wholeheartedly support both protests.

 +9Posted on Nov 15th, 2011 | re: Community's Mid-Season Hold OR: Occupy Wall Street Evacuated (162 comments)

Oh, hey there, banana hammock. OH HEY.

 +1Posted on Nov 10th, 2011 | re: The Kaplans' Full House Intro Recreation Video Will Win You Over (44 comments)

At least they didn’t call it “Frisco.”

But, no, “San Fran” is worse because it’s more widespread. Like chlamydia. I hate that phrase so much.

 +16Posted on Nov 9th, 2011 | re: Girl Stuff: 25 Ways To Wear A Scarf! (+More Ways) (46 comments)

She had The Infinity on there twice! That’s only 24 ways to wear a scarf!

Yeah… I watched it… I’m really bored at work, ok!?

 +33Posted on Nov 4th, 2011 | re: "What Is A Threesome" Is No "Self-Potato" But It Is Still Pretty Good (23 comments)

My favorite part is when Alex Trebek essentially calls her a slut.

 +1Posted on May 27th, 2011 | re: I Don’t Know How She Does It Trailer, You Guys (51 comments)

Whelp. That’ll be in my head all day now. Thank you. (That’s a sincere thanks, actually…)

 0Posted on May 27th, 2011 | re: That's Your Marriage Proposal: World Of Warcraft Marriage Proposal (37 comments)

My dad met his third wife playing Yahoo cribbage in the late 90s. I found out about the affair when I was 13 and accidentally saw her write “gg hun” on one of their games. Note to dads: Don’t leave your internet affairs logged in when the kids are in the house!

Oh good, he finally bought a raincoat!

 0Posted on May 26th, 2011 | re: This Is How You Sleep (24 comments)

 +21Posted on May 23rd, 2011 | re: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II Poster, You Guys (49 comments)

America depicted it in the center. The UK depicted it off center, as J.K. Rowling intended it to be off center. She insisted that they do it off center in the films. It’s America’s fault for making you believe it should be centered. #nerd

 +4Posted on May 20th, 2011 | re: Cat Doesn't Harm Baby (38 comments)

I REALLY wanted that cat to hit that baby. Like, really badly. I’m so disappointed, and I am so the worst.

 +1Posted on May 18th, 2011 | re: Congratulations to Don Gorske, on Everything (48 comments)

Seriously. Quick! How many cows is that!?

 +1Posted on May 17th, 2011 | re: More, Like, Uh, Upfronts Stuff? (101 comments)

I’m sold on Alcatraz ONLY BECAUSE it involves Sam Niell running around my city. Yes.

 0Posted on May 16th, 2011 | re: "James Franco Carved Brad Renfro Into His Arm" (25 comments)

Upvote for effort!

 +4Posted on May 16th, 2011 | re: Man Licking Shoes On New York Subway, Obviously (47 comments)

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!! He got me again!!!

 +17Posted on May 16th, 2011 | re: Man Licking Shoes On New York Subway, Obviously (47 comments)

I know this is a site where we mock lots of people for lots of things, but it kind of makes me sad when we mock people with actual psychological problems. These people are on the street (or in prison) because we, as a country, don’t fund psych institutions like we ought to. #soapboxgum