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0:58-1:01. Who is that guy? Because he just made me spit coffee all over my desk and now owes me one Federal grant application.
This whole thing feels so Empire Records. Did you just want to become a Monster this whole time, Warren?
My dad wouldn’t hold my mom’s hand during delivery because he was too busy taking pictures of me crowning. #picturesiwishwerentinmybabybook #divorceforeshadowing
I’m so sad I wasn’t at Wet Hot American Summer. That and ASSSSCAT sold out super fast I would have stalked Amy Poehler after either show and gotten real weird with it. Woulda been awesome.
YES. We have the worst ants because our apartment is full of holes and it’s about to start raining and they’re gonna try to come back inside and I’m gonna cinnamon those motherfuckers like they’ve never been cinnamoned before. Thanks for the tip!
My favorite part of this amazing diatribe is where “erase your hard drive” falls between “kill your family” and “lay eggs in your skull.”
Didn’t they move to New York? I thought I heard he moved to New York to be with her.
I know we’re all anti-Titanic in 3D because DUH, but I think we’re forgetting one very important thing: Kate Winslet’s boobs.
Try the books again. They are the best and they read really quickly so if you’re not into it after the first one, you’ve lost, like, 4 hours. But you will be into it after the first one.
I wholeheartedly support both protests.
Oh, hey there, banana hammock. OH HEY.
At least they didn’t call it “Frisco.”
But, no, “San Fran” is worse because it’s more widespread. Like chlamydia. I hate that phrase so much.
She had The Infinity on there twice! That’s only 24 ways to wear a scarf!
Yeah… I watched it… I’m really bored at work, ok!?
My favorite part is when Alex Trebek essentially calls her a slut.
Whelp. That’ll be in my head all day now. Thank you. (That’s a sincere thanks, actually…)
My dad met his third wife playing Yahoo cribbage in the late 90s. I found out about the affair when I was 13 and accidentally saw her write “gg hun” on one of their games. Note to dads: Don’t leave your internet affairs logged in when the kids are in the house!
Oh good, he finally bought a raincoat!
America depicted it in the center. The UK depicted it off center, as J.K. Rowling intended it to be off center. She insisted that they do it off center in the films. It’s America’s fault for making you believe it should be centered. #nerd
I REALLY wanted that cat to hit that baby. Like, really badly. I’m so disappointed, and I am so the worst.
Seriously. Quick! How many cows is that!?
I’m sold on Alcatraz ONLY BECAUSE it involves Sam Niell running around my city. Yes.
Upvote for effort!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!! He got me again!!!
I know this is a site where we mock lots of people for lots of things, but it kind of makes me sad when we mock people with actual psychological problems. These people are on the street (or in prison) because we, as a country, don’t fund psych institutions like we ought to. #soapboxgum