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[Not Actually] Betty White
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 +4Posted on Dec 10th, 2012 | re: This Is Just A Good Cover Of Katy Perry's "Fireworks" By Yoko Ono (36 comments)

196~

Someone: Yoko, don’t you ever change!
Yoko: *knowing smile*

 +5Posted on Nov 21st, 2012 | re: What Ridiculous Movie Feat Do You Wish You Could Accomplish? (34 comments)

Make a sassy one-piece out of a shiny raincoat and do cartwheels around the city.

 +5Posted on Nov 16th, 2012 | re: This Week In GIFs! (3 comments)

I realize that Channing Tatum is technically a real person, but this still applies.

 +7Posted on Nov 15th, 2012 | re: Gwyneth Paltrow On "Being A Writer" (36 comments)

She should write about what a great building she lives in.

http://www.thenation.com/article/171228/called-work-during-superstorm-sandy-tribeca-parking-attendant-drowned

 +4Posted on Oct 25th, 2012 | re: Duh Aficionado Magazine: Clark Kent Quits Daily Bugle To Become A Blogger (31 comments)

Love.

 +6Posted on Sep 18th, 2012 | re: A Completely Unsurprising Fact About Gwyneth Paltrow REVEALED! (36 comments)

She may be the worst, but she brings out the best in you, Gabe. BRAVA, indeed.

 +12Posted on Aug 15th, 2012 | re: Just Stop Being You For A Second (27 comments)

I have a ponytail. And I had a dog once. And now I have something in my eye.

 +3Posted on Aug 8th, 2012 | re: What Is Joss Whedon's Marvel Television Show Going To Be? (38 comments)

It’s ok, I will nerd with you. I only read the very beginning of Runaways (it’s on my list!), but a friend who’s more familiar with it says that Joss’ run on it is actually not nearly as good as “the original Brian K. Vaughn run,” for what it’s worth. -someone else’s $.02

 +6Posted on Aug 8th, 2012 | re: What Is Joss Whedon's Marvel Television Show Going To Be? (38 comments)

Runaways?

 +3Posted on Aug 7th, 2012 | re: Ooooh Barack Obama Loooooooooves Anne Hathaway (27 comments)

Something something, Obamacare, something something “magical back-healing rope.”

 +4Posted on Aug 7th, 2012 | re: Ooooh Barack Obama Loooooooooves Anne Hathaway (27 comments)

It would be great if he was all “I actually loved the Bane voice.”

 +4Posted on Jul 6th, 2012 | re: Taco Bell "Airlifts" 10,000 Tacos To Alaska Because What? (35 comments)

Why the hell doesn’t every town in Alaska have its own Taco Bell? They’re just Arizona with snow.

 +9Posted on Jun 18th, 2012 | re: Well, Woody Allen's Son's Tweet Is A Bummer (33 comments)

I mean, why else is Mia Farrow on Twitter if not to at some point make light (not light) of this craziness? Twitter is a place for (among other things) ugliness, and if your ugly well is that irresistible (and contains basically nothing else), at some point you go to it. Brava, Mia. Brava.

:(

I still don’t understand what the George W. Bush heads were doing existing in bulk in the first place. Why hasn’t this been explained? Has it been?

Someone help me! I am so confused!

 +1Posted on Jun 14th, 2012 | re: Are There Wonderful Women Out There Who Aren't Even Actresses? (43 comments)

I saw her in Anything Goes last year. She is phenomenal.

But…I can’t. With the Bunheads. It’s called “BUNHEADS.”

 +10Posted on Jun 7th, 2012 | re: IS New Girl The First Post-Post-9/11 TV Show? (33 comments)

That quotation is the most stomach-turning “Fuck, society is going to Hell in a hand basket” thing that I’ve witnessed since seeing New York City draped with American flags by the bloodthirsty pseudopatriots that cropped up in the wake of…

well… you know.

 +4Posted on Jun 4th, 2012 | re: The 2012 MTV Movie Awards (41 comments)

I just tweeted something derogatory about the MTV Video Music Awards, unintentionally showing my age while attempting to show my age.

 +3Posted on Jun 1st, 2012 | re: Just A Pretty Good Interview With Two Girls Who Robbed A Child (75 comments)

The judge said she needed to “clean up her act”? COME ON.

I’m all for reintegrating offenders into society, but … COME ON.

I can’t, it’s too early. I MEAN COME ON.

 +21Posted on May 31st, 2012 | re: Just A Pretty Good Interview With Two Girls Who Robbed A Child (75 comments)

Seriously. I know I’m grinding this axe pretty hard down below, but Samoas are so good you shouldn’t even be able to trade money for them. You should have to volunteer to carry shit for the Girl Scouts, or drive them to the Jamboree, or whatever it is they need done.

“Mow your lawn, do your homework? Please, just give me some of those cookies.”

 +2Posted on May 31st, 2012 | re: Just A Pretty Good Interview With Two Girls Who Robbed A Child (75 comments)

Why didn’t she have the King’s Justice in the back seat ready to cut her head off in case they were caught?

Commoners really show their quality, am I right?

 +17Posted on May 31st, 2012 | re: Just A Pretty Good Interview With Two Girls Who Robbed A Child (75 comments)

Yep, can’t sit through more than a minute of that fucking abomination.

What the fuck is wrong with you, with your awful hair color and your no humanity?

You see an envelope full of money next to a girl scout, so there must be some Samoas nearby, and you don’t even THINK that maybe there are some things SO MUCH MORE VALUABLE than money?

 +1Posted on May 21st, 2012 | re: Dan Harmon Replaced As Community Show Runner (83 comments)

I don’t think that’s a great comparison (Harmon doesn’t appear onscreen, it’s not a fictionalized account of his life, the title isn’t his name…)- but I do agree that the Community that we knew is pretty much gone.

All I meant was “Get behind the curtain, wizard. I don’t need to know who you are to enjoy this show, and if I do, it probably means you’re doing something wrong!”

 +3Posted on May 21st, 2012 | re: Dan Harmon Replaced As Community Show Runner (83 comments)

For all the great entertainment that Dan Harmon has brought me, I feel like when one becomes too familiar with the name of the creator of a television show that one enjoys, things have gone off the rails a bit.

 +18Posted on May 9th, 2012 | re: Chet Haze FINALLY Breaks His Legendary Silence On The Subject Of Bullying (67 comments)

If I may elaborate:

“but all the intense media coverage and memorializing of teen suicide victims probably has as much to do with the epidemic as the bullying itself.”

SERIOUSLY?

Sometimes a limb is unpopular because it is THE WRONG FUCKING LIMB.

The way to solve bully-related suicides is probably closer to society sending clearer messages about acceptance and tolerance than it is to pointing out what weak, sad little cowards those dead children are IS ALL I AM SAYING JESUS CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK.

Nope!