An American Patriot
THIS IS long and I’LL read it in a minute, BUT I JUST wanted to let you know I made you SOMETHING:
I’LL miss you, GABE, AND I HOPE you fucking own fuckers WITH THE LOL’S and INTROSPECTION from here ON OUT.
HAVE a very SINCERE and fun AND BEAUTIFUL dinner everybody.
YOU’VE COME such A long way!
(DO I know you?)
WHATEVER you do, don’t ACTUALLY GOOGLE “trampoline accident.” I DID IT earlier today FOR MY GIFT and the third image IS SOMEONES ankle FUCKING SNAPPED off.
SO, I’M guessing there WILL BE a final “I’M LEAVING” post, right? I HAVE A gift and want TO MAKE sure I leave IT IN THE right spot.
HOW DO you guys KNOW I HAVEN’T been NUDE ALL these years?
I PRETTY much have NOTHING of note GOING ON IN my life TOMORROW, SO I’ll be HERE TO WISH you GOODBYE, Gabe.
AND my FLAG!
CONGRATS on your FUCKING MARRIAGE, MURRAYNMITCH! Cherish THAT shit.
WHY did you SACRIFICE YOUR wife, FACETACO? YOU didn’t need TO GET THAT desperate!
SEE my comment ON THE PREVIOUS ERBATCH article.
WE see EYE TO eye.
LOL, yeah THAT’S what I TOLD my parents was GOING on in THOSE VHS tapes, TOO.
WHOA. Don’t GOOGLE image HER UNLESS you have save search UP. LIKE second photo IS TITS OUT.
I REGRET scrolling ALL THE way down TO THE BOTTOM, you fucking ASSHOLES.
YEAH what happens TOMORROW? THIS Gabe leaving THING IS throwing the entire GUMVERSE out of WHACK!
At LEAST IT’S got a LONG WAY to fall BEFORE IT gets as bad AS THE Office DID? NOT much consolation. STILL, WILL probably be BETTER THAN Community.
GABE, I have A GIFT for you COME FRIDAY. Get PUMPED.
GODDAMN. Do PEOPLE NOT read the ELEMENTS of FUCKING Style?!
GODDAMN you are REALLY bringing it BACK full circle this WEEK, GABE. On MONDAY, ARE we going to wake back UP and it’ll be APRIL 8, 2008?
EXCEPT FOR Gabe leaving; UNLESS, of course, YOU wanted that in WHICH case, WHAT THE fuck Ms. SPARKLE?!
But yeah, SHIT’S adorable, right?
NO MORE superheros PLEASE.
ONLY FUCKING fools like GAMBIT. FUCK that guy.
WELL, STOP comma SPLICING first.