Abacus Finch
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 +10Posted on Sep 27th, 2012 | re: No More Questions From Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Please! (69 comments)

Elisabeth Hasselbeck is the driver of the bus to Garbage Town.

 +3Posted on Aug 31st, 2012 | re: Monsters' Ball: The Week's Best Comments (32 comments)

 +2Posted on Jun 13th, 2012 | re: How Pumped Is Everyone For The Munsters Remake? (29 comments)

He’s very driven.

 +5Posted on Jun 12th, 2012 | re: OK, Jurassic Park Wedding Proposal, You Got Me (29 comments)

“He left me. He left me!” – Her

“But that’s not what I’m gonna do!” – 2nd husband

 +5Posted on Jun 11th, 2012 | re: The Videogum Movie Club: Prometheus (158 comments)

This movie was made much worse for me by the fact that the IMAX projector broke. So as they’re racing back to Prometheus with the storm cloud on their heels, the projector crapped out and we were sent home with free passes.

After eight hours of flipping out over how gorgeous and thrilling and immersive Prometheus was, my girlfriend and I headed back to the theater to continue this excellent movie! But this time, we got to watch the whole thing. And we discovered that the projector broke around the point the movie stopped being good… I left that theater very angry.

It’s trickier with Hulu since they are owned by the content owners, but the thing all the whiners overlook is this: Netflix, Hulu, etc., would LOVE to have every show and movie available to everyone regardless of their cable or satellite subscription. That would mean they could charge more for ads.

We all got mad at Netflix when their library started sucking but that’s because we got lucky initially. The content owners didn’t see the same value in streaming as Netflix and licensed their stuff cheap. They wised up, and demanded more. So much more that Netflix couldn’t license them without drastically raising subscription fees or keep the subscriber cost the same and not make much of a profit. So which is it? Do you want your steaming shows or do you want to pay next to nothing? It can’t be both. It was for a time, but not anymore.

TV used to be free because there were only four channels and the internet didn’t exist and the 50 million people watching a single show didn’t have the option of fast-forwarding through the commercials.

 +5Posted on Apr 19th, 2012 | re: This Is Just A Good Ad For A Restaurant (59 comments)

Are you on vacation or are you transported to another world? WHICH IS IT?

 +16Posted on Feb 6th, 2012 | re: Best New Party Game 62: "What's That Movie?" (247 comments)

What’s that movie where Jackie Chan plays a shadow of his former self?

 +2Posted on Jan 30th, 2012 | re: Hey, Let's Talk About Luck (27 comments)

I think that’s exactly it. It’s less the subject matter and more the David Milch dialogue that’s dense and unwelcoming. I grew up around horses and horse racing and I didn’t know what anyone was talking about half the time.

 +7Posted on Jan 17th, 2012 | re: Paula Deen Has Type 2 Diabetes, Is An Asshole (91 comments)

It’s like an ice cream company owning a weight loss company. Oh wait…that one’s actually true. Fuck.

 +5Posted on Jan 12th, 2012 | re: Eww, Is The Internet The Future Of Television? (27 comments)

I hate the future so much.

 +10Posted on Dec 21st, 2011 | re: Best New Party Game 61: Passive-Aggressive Movie Titles (145 comments)

Mission: Impossible, Maybe For You It Is

 +5Posted on Dec 21st, 2011 | re: Best New Party Game 61: Passive-Aggressive Movie Titles (145 comments)

Hugo, Maybe You’ve Heard of Him?

 +5Posted on Dec 21st, 2011 | re: Wait, What IS Your Holiday Vacation Viewing List? (141 comments)

Any unseen films on “best of 2011″ lists that are also on Netflix Instant like: Meek’s Cutoff, 13 Assassins, Buck, Uncle Boonmee, The Arbor, Poetry, & Cave of Forgotten Dreams. Also, Home Alone 2.

 +2Posted on Dec 19th, 2011 | re: That's Your Pillow: Booty Pillow (26 comments)

Can this be used with my Better Marriage Blanket?

 +11Posted on Dec 15th, 2011 | re: The Videogum Holiday Party Open Thread (125 comments)

 +4Posted on Dec 14th, 2011 | re: Geek Love Is On TLC This Weekend, May Be Garbage (43 comments)

 +9Posted on Dec 6th, 2011 | re: 2-Year-Old Baby Rapper Spits Up Like Hot Fire (27 comments)

Crawl D.M.C.

 +8Posted on Nov 18th, 2011 | re: Monsters' Ball: The Week's Best Comments (68 comments)

 +15Posted on Nov 10th, 2011 | re: NSFW: "Me And My Mom Dancing To My Neck My Back" (39 comments)

There, but for the grace of God, goes your mom

 +5Posted on Nov 4th, 2011 | re: Basically Everything About Last Night's Episode Of Conan (34 comments)

Also: Crowd surfing bed bug!

 +5Posted on Nov 2nd, 2011 | re: Ann Coulter Should Have Rested Her Garbage Case About Black People! (83 comments)

I ran into Ann Coulter at JFK once. She was the nicest anyone has ever been to me at an airport. Also, she had the hands of an 80 year old woman.

 +9Posted on Oct 28th, 2011 | re: Monsters’ Ball: The Week’s Best Comments (87 comments)

 +1Posted on Oct 27th, 2011 | re: Herman Cain Continues To Kill It In The Campaign Ad Game (30 comments)

I guess the Cain Train stops in Lexington, Kentucky. Deputy Art Mullen, noooooo!