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 +8Posted on Aug 10th, 2010 | re: Being White Is Hard: The Romantics Trailer (92 comments)

So Katie Holmes is relevant again? Oh boy.

 +19Posted on Jul 29th, 2010 | re: The Return Of Sad Keanu, Now With Protective Helmet (104 comments)

Even with eyes made of guacamole, Facetaco could see this was the end of the life he enjoyed so much. “Wow, three types of cheese!” said the little girl in awe as Keanu offered part of his lunch to her. “That is swanky!”
“It’s all yours,” said Keanu, “if I can have some of your Go-Gurt…”

 +18Posted on Jul 28th, 2010 | re: Titanic II Trailer And IMDB Memorable Quotes (113 comments)

Yikes! Actually it wouldn’t be TOO terrible if that necklace did get lost at the bottom of the ocean…

 +93Posted on Jul 28th, 2010 | re: Titanic II Trailer And IMDB Memorable Quotes (113 comments)

“Jack, can you draw me wearing this? Wearing ONLY this?”

 +26Posted on Jul 20th, 2010 | re: POLL: Which Of These Upcoming Asian Horror Movies Is More Hilarious? (94 comments)

Also, I figured out a quick and easy solution to stop people from getting eaten/licked by the toilet monster.

You’re welcome!

 +11Posted on Jul 20th, 2010 | re: POLL: Which Of These Upcoming Asian Horror Movies Is More Hilarious? (94 comments)

To be fair, it’s not the toilet that’s evil, it’s the poop-covered girl that lives INSIDE the toilet! Just wanted to be clear.

 +71Posted on Jul 16th, 2010 | re: You Dun Goofed Up (146 comments)

I agree. While she said a bunch of stupid stuff, we have to realize she is just a child. People who are able to order Craiglists hookers to her home address are TOO OLD to be bullying.

 +33Posted on Jul 16th, 2010 | re: This Picture Of Chace Crawford Is The Funniest (72 comments)

Umbrella holding is a coveted position facetaco! This umbrella holder went to Harvard!

Jennifer Aniston’s umbrella holder! That person must cry everyday… tears of joy, of course!

 +26Posted on Jul 14th, 2010 | re: So Just To Clarify: "From The Mind Of" Means "Garbage", Right? (137 comments)

What’s to be mad about? The trailer did say it was “a new NIGHTMARE from the mind of M. Night Shyamalan.” Even the trailer isn’t trying to lie about how bad this is going to be.

 +11Posted on Jul 14th, 2010 | re: The Return Of Beavis And Butthead (31 comments)

Daria is great. With all those episodes of The Hills that have melted our eyeballs, I think MTV owes us new Daria episodes for compensation.

 +49Posted on Jul 14th, 2010 | re: Old Spice Guy Responds To Old Spice Guy, Internet Explodes (47 comments)

The way he stares you down at the end of the video is not only intimidating, but also strangely arousing…

That key must unlock my heart! You win Old Spice!

Really? That sounds more like something Roman Polanski would have in his wallet (gross, and sorry!)

Another reason to hate Mondays. This guy knows what I’m talking about:

 +65Posted on Jul 2nd, 2010 | re: Goodbye, M. Night Shyamalan (117 comments)

Is that his new movie that might star Gwyneth Paltrow? Now those pictures I saw of Gwyneth circulating around the internet completely make sense.

 +23Posted on Jul 2nd, 2010 | re: What Should Be The Tagline For James Cameron's 3D Black Eyed Peas Movie? (79 comments)

I actually kind of envy the two Black Eyed Peas members that no one knows. I mean, sure, they have to live with the reputation of being “pointless accessories” in an already stupid music group, but it looks like they don’t have to do anything. All they have to do is show up, and scoop up the leftover money that, and Fergie don’t take for themselves, which is probably still in the millions, or at least thousands! It’s basically like getting free money! I got a feeling (of jealousy).

 +17Posted on Jul 2nd, 2010 | re: Mad Men Yourself (56 comments)

“What do you mean you don’t like my proposal?!”

 +8Posted on Jul 2nd, 2010 | re: Mad Men Yourself (56 comments)

Why didn’t they add the John Deere lawn mower in the upgrade? It really is the ultimate accessory.

 +7Posted on Jul 1st, 2010 | re: Let The Right One In: Now With More Rock N' Roll! (71 comments)

Isn’t that the adorable little boy from The Road? He was good in that! I would call him the male Dakota Fanning or something, but I wouldn’t want to insult him, so I’ll just say I’m happy he’s getting a starring role!

Also, using “From the Director of Cloverfield” to sell a movie is the equivalent of saying “From the mind of Diablo Cody.” It just doesn’t work.

 +28Posted on Jun 30th, 2010 | re: Don Draper Really Nailed These Old Spice Ads (31 comments)

This commercial really appeals to me. I mean, who doesn’t want to be told they’re beautiful in cake form? No one, that’s who!

 +2Posted on Jun 30th, 2010 | re: EXCLUSIVE: First Look At Spider-Man 4 (18 comments)

But it’s so noisy! How is Spider-Man supposed to sneak up on his enemies when the noise will give away his location!??!

“This is gross, and i shouldn’t be watching this, but I’m going to watch it again and again until I can come up with a clever enough caption.” – me

 +5Posted on Jun 29th, 2010 | re: Who ISN'T On The Forbes Celebrity 100? (87 comments)

Oh Oprah! At this point in her career, she probably gets payed millions just when she pees… for ten minutes.

 +24Posted on Jun 29th, 2010 | re: Now You, Too, Can Have A Mom-Shaped Body! (61 comments)

Well, that’s a relief! It’s nice to know there’s a place on the internet where I can leave my thong behind.

 +9Posted on Jun 29th, 2010 | re: Duh Aficionado Magazine: We Live In An Embarrassing Time (136 comments)

Forget John Gosselin, didn’t Gwyneth Paltrow just get diagnosed with some bone disease? That’s the type of news we monsters feed on!

 +17Posted on Jun 29th, 2010 | re: The World's Best G20 Protester (84 comments)

“You’ll have a riot over our low, low prices!”