Finally, a City of Lost Children for actual children. I think it is high time that young people be instilled with a deep, unrelenting fear of a dank Apocalyptic underworld future. Just kidding, I don't care about young people one way or the other. But with the exception of what appears to be the requisite kids-movie-unconventional-waterslide scene, this looks great. What is with that? Will we ever evolve as a culture to the point where our children do not need an unconventional waterslide scene in every movie to enjoy it? I blame the parents.
The trailer for Woody Allen's new movie, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, guys:
Yes, this looks boring. No, Woody Allen hasn't made a truly important film in almost 20 years. But you have to give him credit for cutting out all the bullshit and just saying "You know what, I've paid my dues. I want to see Scarlett Johansson fucking. A lot." This movie should be called Who's Up For Some Scarlett Johansson Fucking? And Misdemeanors. I will say that when the whole Soon-Yi thing was going on (yes, it's still going on, but when it was going on in newspapers), I thought that as creepy as it may have been, the human heart is a complicated thing, and everyone was a consenting adult, and families are fucked up, and the guy still made Manhattan. But when you've been publicly accused of molesting your own adopted daughter, maybe it's time to take focus your career on something other than the multi-film obsession with a woman 1/10th your age. Like that's going to somehow stop you from dying?
Pro-tip: in order to fully understand the above paragraph, you need to figure out a way to watch the trailer without falling asleep.
I've got a suggestion for David Blaine's next trick. He should see how long he can watch the red band trailer for National Lampoon's Homo-Erectus before he loses motor function and his brain shuts down.
I made it through 37 seconds! I'm writing you this from inside a machine that forces blood to pump through my unwilling heart. It's nice to see that National Lampoon is working hard to fight the relentless tide of progress. This trailer doesn't even make any sense, and yet I can still tell that its misogynistic and homophobic. They've managed to create some kind of pre-verbal I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. Someone should give these guys a prize.
Have you ever thought that someone should make an impenetrably eccentric and esoteric movie that crosses elements of Joe Vs. The Volcano with Dan In Real Life and it should star Zach Galifianakis? Well you can stop thinking that.
This is a tough one because I'm vehemently anti-quirk, but just as aggressively pro-Galifianakis. The perpetual optimist in me (surprise, I have a perpetual optimist in me) says that we have to give this one a shot, you guys. Based on the trailer alone it has enough hilarious impotent freak-outs to fulfill the Hilarious Impotent Freak Outs quota for the next three years. That means no more Will Ferrell movies for three years! Enjoy Step Brothers.
IFC films released this new trailer for its Julianne Moore Oscar-bait incest biopic just in time for Mother's Day. Savage Grace is the famous true story of a socialite named Barbara Daly Baekeland, whose son Antony killed her after she tried to turn him straight by sleeping with him. Julianne Moore does look amazing in this, but can we just give her the Oscar without having to be creeped out by the mother-son stuff?
The trailer quotes Vogue's Billy Norwich describing the film as "Like Death In Venice meets The Great Gatsby on the Psycho lot." (He forgot Spanking The Monkey.)
Huh. I'm pretty sure the trailer for the A&E mini-series remake of The Andromeda Strain looks more exciting than this, and I know how The Andromeda Strain ends (SPOILER ALERT if you look up "deus ex machina" in the dictionary, there's a picture of The Andromeda Strain). I just can't seem to get excited for what looks like a combination of Never Cry Wolf and every serial-killer-kidnaps-a-woman movie ever. Also, no offense nerds but that whistling theme just falls flat. It was cool in the '90s, but now I just feel like I'm about to watch an eight-hour Argentinian telenovela about a woman who loses everything only to discover herself.
We've all seen the exciting Dark Knight trailers when we went to the theater for Spiderwick Chronicles opening weekend, but here's the first TV spot:
Nothing too much new here, but it's nice to know that there are going to be so many more quips than we had thought. Before there was just Alfred with his "The Ferrari then, sir?" nonsense. Now there's Lucius Fox (Morgan Freeman) and Detective Gordon (Gary Oldman) quipping it up like they're palling around backstage before a taped tryout for Whose Line Is It Anyway. They should probably have called this move The Quips Knight, or Batman and the Quips of the Round Table, or Sir Quips a Lot. I could do this all day, and I might.
This clip has already been making the blog rounds, and my enthusiasm for Speed Racer has been so low that I was not going to post it. But these first seven minutes actually make the movie look kind of good.
Right? That looks good. It's got things that appeal to me, like Jason Street, bright colors, CGI cherry blossom trees, and Inspector Gadget cars. You know what, good for Mr. and Mrs. Wachowski. They've eaten a lot of shit for this movie so far, but apparently while no one was looking they quietly nailed it. But why do they hate gravity so much? They're so angry about gravity. I'm pretty sure every time they get together to come up with a new movie idea, there's one wipe board for concepts and characters, and a dedicated wipe board just for angry rants about how much they want to beat the shit out of gravity.
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Blogging about TV and movies isn't all fun and videogames. Every week, Lindsay or Gabe will be presented with a physical or mental challenge that tests their bravery, patience, and taste.
The Challenge: To create a video blog, or vlog, using a set of ground rules established by Lindsay. The Result: Gabe leaves videogum.com and returns to LiveJournal, where he can be with people who have similar interests. Is there anything...
Even though Lindsay and Gabe are friends, they very rarely agree on anything. Every day, they have a fight about something. On Fridays, we publish one.
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My bagel phone rang. "What the fuck are you doing?" said the voice on the other line. "Oh, hey Sue Simmons," I replied. Then we made plans to hang out at the Cinnabon in the mall. "Where the fuck is...
