Gwyneth Paltrow has released the latest issue of GOOP and this week (month? quarter?) it is all about losing that unwanted arm-flab using the trusted work-out techniques of a known liar and thief. Fair enough! Chinatown, etc! Here’s Gwyneth:

Many of you may already know of my passion for the Tracy Anderson Method and my investment in it. She has kicked my formerly sagging ass into shape and I will be forever grateful. This week, Tracy shares with us a little arm series that I did everyday preparing for Iron Man and that I take on the road. She just made it home-made style for me, lo fi. But it’s good. Especially for the batwing problem. Also, some of her dedicated clients talk about why they love her as much as I do. She has some brand new DVD’s that I have been doing in my hotel room on location and which I highly recommend.
Love, Gwyneth

Home made style. Very lo fi. (Memberships at Tracy’s gym only cost $900 A MONTH, so we are totally DIYing it in here). Get rid of those batwings, ladies! Your bodies are disgusting!

Honestly, I could really care less about Gwyneth Paltrow’s Arm Flab Secrets. This is all just the blah blah blah to post the Tracy Anderson arm work-out routine:

Imagining Gwyneth Paltrow doing this routine in front of the computer, to this song, in her hotel room, on the set of Duets 2: The Edge Of Reason, with Chris Martin on the bed behind her, rolling his eyes, bored out of his fucking mind, and 5-year-old Apple in the corner working on her Latin conjugations, is the funniest thing that I have done all day.

Comments (53)
  1. I’m not Professor Work-Out or anything but why wouldn’t you move your legs too?

  2. “If you’re going to be doing this to music, can we just – “

    “For the last time Chris NO WE ARE NOT LISTENING TO COLDPLAY.”

  3. Sure, you’re kicking sand in her face now, but I doubt you’ll be laughing when she comes back at you with her MONSTER TRICEPS and crushes you like a ball of wastepaper.

  4. I’ve seen Chris Martin dance, and I think he’s stealing his moves from Gwyneth Paltrow’s workouts.

  5. I think Tracy Anderson secretly hates Gwyneth Paltrow, because no person without a vendetta would let someone embarass themself like that.

  6. I always wondered why most patients at the psych ward (high school service hours) had such cut and toned arms.

  7. Also, is it just me, or is this the kind of workout that anyone can discover by complete accident?

  8. Wheel-mounted mirrors sold separately at YouAreYourOwnEntourage.com

  9. I sincerely hope that mime makes it out of that box.

  10. I love it at the end of the video where she’s all like, “PEACE! WE OUTTA HERE!”

  11. Dancing with your arms above your head?

  12. Do any of you know where the reset button went? I need to borrow it real quick.

  13. “Damn it, Robin, I told you to get the keys to the jet!” – the batwing problem

  14. Can me and this video have 5 minutes alone, please?

  15. Walk like an Egyptian

  16. Are we sure this isn’t just rehearsal footage for the Black Eyed Peas new choreography?

  17. Ooh, looks like Gwyneth is getting ready for her new role in Step Up 3: There Will Be Terrible Dancing. Can’t wait! Whoops, I mean, I CAN wait!

  18. I will just never, ever understand. If I had little gwyn’s money and resources, lemme tell ya, I would NOT be doing birddances and youtubing recipes for overtly tasteless asian fusion salads. (I WOULD BE BUILDING A LIFE-SIZE REPLICA OF MIDDLE EARTH).

  19. Batwings. Jesus. To the Batshit-Insane Cave, Robin!

  20. So I tried to do the moves along with the video – because I too am worried about growing bat wings! Who isn’t! Am I right ladies? Men? Yes.

    Anyways upon doing my best to mimic the movements i just felt like I was flapping my arms around, almost as if I WAS a bat. I guess the only way to fight batwings is to act like a bat? Sure. That makes sense.

    Anyways I think that it’s a great work out. I mean – I didn’t feel like I was exercising at all. I actually did it form bed just doing the arm part. I FEEL SO IN SHAPE!

  21. i prefer the Laurie Anderson Method.

  22. This seems ideal for the next T14TT. I’m sure Joe is worried about his batwings just like Gwyneth. Win-Win.

  23. Lemme just say, doing exercise in specific parts of your body will not make you lose weight in that part of the body. I just say this so Goop isn’t surprised when her batwings remain flabby.
    Flabby wings! Gross.

    • Fun fact: without cardio and cutting calories, just working her arms muscles will actually make her “batwings” worse, because then she’ll have a bunch of loose flesh on top of tight muscles. Maybe that’s Tracy Anderson’s secret plan!

  24. Why not just use the shake weight?

  25. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  26. I am so in love with the idea that anyone would see this and think it it s a well-thought-out routine, like Ms Anderson sat down and planned it and revised it and memorized it: “Okay, what the arms need at 2:38-2:42 is a syncopated twirl, at exactly shoulder height, flapping the fingertips twelve times — oh, gosh, what am I thinking, nine times — and then this needs to be followed by pushing outward with the elbows aligned along the vertical axis, fingertips tapping the sides of on an invisible box — no, no, quick and jerky, it needs to be jerky — YES, that’s the stuff!” Instead of just “I will play a song and dance and then sell it to rich people worried about being ridiculed.”

  27. We’re gonna need a gif…where is werttrew?

  28. She’s trying to lose weight? I thought her arm-flab was the only thing keeping her alive!

  29. And this is different from the Hip-Hop Weight Loss Dance video infomercial how? The difference is that the music is licensed, I guess. Not “Hip-Hop Track 1″, or “Let Us Samba!”

  30. She has this memorized?!

  31. The fist pump: ur doin it wrong

  32. Workout secret: moving your body around is good exercise. That’ll be $900, please. Or you could try the advanced Blahmanda Method for arm flab. I call it “sleeves.”

  33. Did anybody else watch this till like, 2:07 and then snap out of it and think fuck, what have I just been doing for two minutes and seven seconds?

  34. Okay then. So me being an artistslashcurator (I’m so, so sorry) this is really the death knell for using the phrase “lo-fi” in press releases. Am I going to have to go and use my imagination now or what?

  35. I’m surprised she wears Nikes.

  36. This video is ridiculous! lol

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