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It’s hard to believe it’s only been three days since The Jay Leno Show went off the air. What stage of the Kubler-Ross grieving process are we in, does anyone remember? Momentary Relief? I am just kidding. There were no tears shed over that show except for Jay Leno’s bullshit liar tears over “being fired.” What a jerk. Speaking of jerks, there is still time to vote in the poll of who you think is secretly a big jerk based on nothing whatsoever. Blah blah blah, I know that there’s no point in even writing this post today since there’s no one here to read it: you are all out in front of your local Fandango waiting in line for Valentine’s Day tickets, duh. Good luck! I hope you are there with someone you love!
After the jump, this week’s five Highest Rated Comments, the Lowest Rated Comment, the winner of the Caption Contest, and the Editor’s Choice. It’s a Valentine’s Day miracle!
This Week’s Highest Rated Comments
Paul Rudd 8% (10 votes)
Posted by: in response to A Videogum Poll: Who Is Secretly A Big Jerk?
Score = 70
MTV: Based on the novel “Push” by Sapphire
Posted by: Lord Growing in response to MTV Needs A New Tagline, Team!
Score = 71
Posted by: Notsewfast in response to Things I Learned From The Hoodie Footie Snuggle Suit Commercial
Score = 78
This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment
I haven’t nominated any movies for a very long time so I offer these:
1. Sliding Doors (How the hell has this not been covered already?)
2. The Big Chill
3. Lawnmower Man (I understand this has something of a following but its time to get real people)
4. Brick
Posted by: west in response to The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Serendipity
Score = -25
[Ed. note: My guess is that we've got some total Brickheads in our midst, and if there is one thing that Brickheads hate, it is people badmouthing their favorite movie, Brick. Fair enough. Although, I'm not sure that we are really in Worst Comment Territory here. In any case, I liked Brick, west, but I respect your opinion! And with a score of only -25, this whole thing is basically a wash.]
The Videogum Caption Contest Winner
“Thanks for being so much cooler about this than Joe Rogan was.”
Posted by: tkc in response to The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Two Situations
Score = 43
[Ed. note: congratulations, tkc! You earned it.]
This Week’s Editor’s Choice
[Ed. note: it's a tie!]
“Naw but” is juggalo for “having said that”.
Posted by: batteredgnome in response to A Juggalo’s Guide To Parenting
[Ed. note: Juggalos! They really have their own world, don't they? It is nice that their world is so supportive and enthusiastic, but it's too bad their world is so racist and homophobic (also misogynistic! Although that is incredibly complicated and I am sure Juggalettes would love to argue about it with you at a Faygo Summit with President Obama!). Oh well! In any case, this comment was both funny AND informative. We're like a bunch of Dianes Fossey, studying gorillas in their natural facepaint.]
Why would a vampire need a watch?
Posted by: Spice Weasel in response to Videogum’s Teen Korner: OMG STILLS FROM TWILIGHT: ECLIPSE IN YOUR PANTS
[Ed. note: maybe it is just me, but Spice Weasel's comment sounds like a pretty solid set-up for a perfectly decent Joke Book joke. And I love a good Joke Book joke. Anybody want to finish it off for him, is what she said?]
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Let’s discuss this at!: http://videogum.com/chat/
Thanks Brickheads!
All the upvotes, back and forth, forever.
More Cabbage Men!! Or Man Cabbages!! Whichever!!
You’re welcome. Also, your new icon is frightening. It reminds me of those youtube videos where that guy dresses up like dogs & horses.
Q: Why would a vampire need a watch?
A: Because they need to know when it’s tooth-hurty.
(ugh)
So he could get there in the neck of time! (Boo!)
To know when the sun was rising so he wouldn’t burn to death! Ahahahahahahaha!…I’m sorry.
# 1 AND #2? Uh oh… I’m getting fired for sure…
You could be spewing hateful vitriol in every comment you write, and I would still upvote you because of that adorable headphone baby (but luckily you are funny anyway, so the world still makes sense).
Q: Why would a vampire need a watch?
A: So he knows when it’s two-thirty your neck! Bwa ah haaaa!
(Say it loud out in a Transylvanian accent, please.)
Guh. Monster’s Rule #1: Always, always refresh, then post.
Q: Why would a vampire need a watch?
A: So he knows what time to tune in to True Blood, his favorite television program. (Get it? Vampires)
Q: Why would a vampire need a watch?
A: To help count down Twilight’s fifteen minutes of fame.
I find that the refresh update on points is always so crazy off. So when i downvoted west, they were at something like -2 and once i clicked that button BAM -10.
It’s like, i disagreed but not THAT much.
I feel like this is a common problem, and people end up getting voted up or voted down way more than they otherwise would have.
Also, when I see that A LOT of people downvote my comments, I always look around to find a “delete” button. Or if I basically wrote the exact same thing as someone else, only like two minutes later, a delete button would sure help
Q: Why would a vampire need a watch?
A: Who cares! Werewolves!
AaWoooooOOOOOOOOooooooo!
Q. Why would a vampire need a watch?
A. Because something sundial! The sun! It kills vampires. Sometimes. Kill me.
A change of pace:
Q: Why did the vampire bite a newspaper?
A: He heard it had great circulation!
Q: Why did the vampire bite the stupid lamp?
A: He wanted a light snack!
Q: Why would a vampire need a watch?
A: He wanted to see time show on a face.
….be..because vampires don’t get old.
….
You guys should all get jobs at a popsicle factory!
Q: Why would a vampire need a watch?
.sl??puns s????q?l??s?? bu?l???ds ????? ?sn???q:?
gar. beaten to the sundial gag.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
Is this just an insider or a desperate attempt for Lowest Rated Comment?
Incidentally, I totally agree and was surprised that it got more than 2 votes…
That reminds me of when my dad would tell me, “Your brother got all the looks and your sister got all the brains. Take whatever you can get, kid. Just sayin’.”
You got the high-fastening pants, didn’t you?
On further review, it looks like you were #3 on that party game, which doesn’t make you look not bitter… Having said that, If I could I would gladly swap Inglorious Hamsters for my real favorite: Turtle Recall… TURTLE RECALL… C’mon!
As someone who “cheated” in said contest by posting an adorable picture along with my submission in a vain attempt to garner more upvotes (and still lost [if you can "lose" at commenting on the internet; relax, kidz!]), let me just say, quit being so damn witty and charming with your adorable little baby avatar and name, notsewfast!!!
Hey, if anyone sees rara, shake her two times, turn the top (crown) of her head counterclockwise til you hear a click, and open her up; move the little flap to the left and hit the red reset button blinking in there, would you please? She was glitchin allover the chat somethin fierce.
alright! thanks dude
Just an i-easteregg for the e-chat superfans.
Why would a vampire need a watch?
So he and his vampirette won’t be late for this:
Do any sexy she-monsters need a date for Sunday? My only condition is that we go to this, and that you pay the $250. However! You will be escorted by a certified fourth place Monster’s Ball finisher. AND unlimited coffee, iced tea, soda!
Can someone please explain to me how this ISN’T sold out???
I can’t get through to thier phone department
I’m sorry, but there is only one person out there that is able to say “just sayin” like that. He knows who he is.
just sayin
Q: Why does a vampire need a watch?
A: So he knows when it’s Nosfera-two o’clock!
Wakka wakka wakka!
Otherwise, he’ll be Dracu-late.
I keep reading that as “e-Dracu-late.”
Q: Why would a vampire need a watch?
A: To make sure his clock radio is accurate
My favorite so far!
Q: Why would a vampire need a watch?
A: He doesn’t. He just needs something to do to pass the time because IMMORTALITY!
…crap…did I just hit the submit button?
I have no answers that can top these fine vampiric comedic ventures.
That said, My Dogs are Nuts about Pistachios…
“Seriously, Dad, you got that big ol bag full of pistachios…. Hookitup”
“Dad. Seriously.”
Q:Why would a vampire need a watch?
A:To note when Topher enters a scene in Valentine’s Day for later viewing.
Just came back from Valentine’s Day. It is the longest movie ever made. About as long as 2012. Not enough Topher in the world for that movie.
Q:Why would a vampire need a watch?
A:Because he can’t get all the bat poo off the one he has now. That, and the straps starting to smell a bit.
I just want to say I got 28 upvotes on Taylor Lautners 18th birthday (that’s what she said?) and it was 100% the best thing that happened to me this week.
You motorboatin’ son of a gun!
Holy. Shit. I’ve been taken to the Ball! Its like my birthweek and Valentinesmonth rolled into one (it really is). I’m beaming, literally.
I go through Kubler-Ross every weekend when Vgum doesn’t update. MLIVG
Oh my the confused dog head turn! x3 Werttrew you have just become my favorite.
I’ve been a long-time lurker, and this week I finally decided to take off my Hug-E-Gram and pull myself up by my Hoodie-Footie Snuggle Suit and make an account. And I’m so happy I did! I love everyone and here, and thank you all for being YOU (horrible, disgusting, witty, and charming monsters!).
That should read, “I love everyone here, and thank you…” I’m so sorry.
I’m guessing a vampire would need a watch with with a minute hand, a millennium hand and an eon hand.
And why would a Vampire Slayer need a Watcher?
Begging for fan-votes here.
Why would a vampire need a watch?
To count the seconds.
I don’t think the neighborhood watch really cares about the vampire’s needs.
Gotta go now, it’s time for my dentist’s appointment. Get my fangs sharpened.
Q: Why would a vampire need a watch?
A: He doesn’t, but it was a gift from his mummy.
Q: Why would a vampire need a watch?
A: So he knows when it’s time for his coffin break.