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[Ed. note: Joe Mande is a stand-up comedian who has appeared on Comedy Central and Best Week Ever, and is the creator of the popular blog, Look At This Fucking Hipster (soon to be a popular book!). As a contributor to Videogum, Joe is forced to do things that we don't want to do, for our education and amusement. If you have a challenge/suggestion, submit it to t14tt@videogum.com.]

I’m here to present you guys with my second T14TT assignment, in which I audition to be in a boy band. I don’t know if you all heard the big news last week, but Perez Hilton has a new show coming to television later this year that will basically be like American Idol, but for boys only, and he’s accepting audition tapes right now. This is an exciting and innovative idea for a television show that has never been done before and I’m going to my very best to be a part of it!

I honestly can’t think of a single person on the planet more deserving of a TV show than Perez Hilton. Especially a TV show that determines the fates of literally thousands of desperate, fame-hungry teenage boys. Wait, no. That sounds like a really terrible idea.

I mean, we all know Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson are dummies. Neither of them should be allowed to serve on a jury, let alone be able to judge anything. But I suppose if they have to judge something, it might as well be a music competition, seeing as they both had pretty impressive careers in the music industry. But, Perez Hilton? Really? How is he an expert in this field, again? Because he has a lot of experience at liking boys? Is that it? Because that shouldn’t be it. “I’m sorry, Billy. I thought your choreography was a HOT MESS, which is why I am currently drawing a penis on your face using Microsoft Paint.”

Anyway, here is my audition video. I hope you enjoy it as much as I think Perez Hilton will. Oh, and just like last time, it’s full of fat jokes.

Fingers crossed!

You can submit your own audition video at boybandsearch.com. And you can leave ideas for future T14TT’s below. Just remember the rules.

Comments (38)
  1. Beeped naughty words?

  2. More videos of Joe rapping over Sufjan Stevens songs, please.

  3. Never imagined I would hear anyone rap over Sufjan Stevens. Let alone Ypsilanti. So thank you for taking one for the team joe mande!

  4. i’m a terrible breakdancer. but maybe it’s because i haven’t been building it up enough.

  5. ABOUT TO START BREAKDANCING may be the best dance move of 2010. It’s definitely the best dance move in my heart

  6. Joe, I assume you’ll be hired as one of the experts Ms. Hilton is sure to bring in during a mid-season episode to whip those boys into shape! Like a jazz singing challenge, or a makeup tutorial, or some such thing.

  7. LOLZ … David Crosby … LOLZ …”Boyeater”… LOLZ … rapping over Sufjan Stevens … LOLZ … looking like you’re about to start breakdancing … LOLZ

  8. Did you guys see who else is judging?

    I assume that’s who they mean.

  9. weird snapping.

  10. Ahhhhmazing. I hope you get picked. BECAUSE WHAT WILL YOU DO THEN? You’ll have to go on the show. And I think Fabrice Fabrice is handling craft services. :( for you.
    Your dance moves were very carnal. I enjoyed them… in a sensual way.

  11. New BNPG – Rhyme Sh*t with “Sufjan.” Onion? Bunion? Funyun? Kings of Leon? Discuss.

  12. No way you are getting selected as a contestant. With dance moves like that, they need to hire you as a consultant STAT.

  13. Fuck Teen Hearts Joe! Keep up the Look At This Fucking Hipster! It is the greatest!~

  14. I am sure I am not the only one who knows that JOEY was the weird old member of *Nsync and KEVIN was it for BSB.

    Why are you looking at me like that? Weren’t we all 12 in 1998? Didn’t we all just casually put in the No Strings Attached cd today to clean the house to in a totally nostalgic way and not because it contains the songs of our generation?

    Alright then.

    • i am sorry, Loz, but as a former 11 yr old girl with a backstreet boys screenname, i must insist that Chris (b.1971), not Joey (b. 1977), was the old one with weird hair from *NSYNC.

      i mean, (for those who don’t know, dude on the left):

      though i am sure we can all agree that justin from 98 degrees is the oldest and weirdest of all time:

      and i’ll show myself out :(

    • I was 11 in 1998, it’s all good. I spent a summer at camp choreographing a dance to “Dirty Pop” with my cabinmates. We assumed ‘N sync personalities and performed it at the camp talent show. I was Joey.

    • GET OFF MY LAWN! ALL YOU KIDS!

  15. but where are the corn rows?! kill two boy band cliche birds with one stone

  16. Liked this one much better. You keep doing what you’re doing, Joe.

  17. amazing.
    so funny.

  18. I was going to suggest that Mr. Mande masturbate to the Be Good Johnny Weir promo for the T14TT segment, but this is much better.

  19. R.I.P. Best Week Ever. I miss that show so much!

  20. I’m actually taken aback by how funny this is. I burst out laughing at least a half dozen times. Thanks Joe!

  21. Yay this one was funny!
    Oh also, anyone remember O*Town? From Making the Band. The blonde kid was SO HOT when I was 8.

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