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This is an incredible, almost perfect news story. It really has it all. It has laughter AND tears. And also barf. Richard Cohen is clearly your boyfriend. Your straight, totally normal boyfriend. You can tell he is straight from the face he is making in that photo at 0:30. That is where the slang-term “straightface” comes from. Anyway, obviously the part where he does hug therapy on a couch and then also beats a pillow with a tennis racket while screaming about his mom is MUST SEE TV. Nah-doy. And his magnet demonstration is very convincing. He’s like a regular Bill Nye the Science Guy (another paragon of heterosexuality). And for the most part this whole mildly-hilarious segment reminds me of this classic Mr. Show sketch:
Haha.
But I guess if I had to pinpoint exactly what separates the real news segment from the fake news segment is the part where Richard Cohen’s self-delusions are being USED AS PHILOSOPHICAL JUSTIFICATION FOR INSTITUTIONALIZED HATE CRIMES IN UGANDA. That would be the one way where things really start to get “real.”
I cannot wait for Maddow’s interview with him tonight! I’m sure he is going to have a totally reasonable and convincing explanation for why his inability to come to grips with his sexuality is an acceptable argument for formally legislated hate crimes. No judge in the world who wasn’t also deeply uncomfortable with himself to the point of dangerous psychological disconnect would convict him. (Thanks for the tip, Gabe.)
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I hear Uganda is also doing man-on-man cuddle sessions in case there are no gay people around.
I thought Rachel Maddow just liked cut offs.
I was randomly on Maddow’s show this summer after a video of me supporting single-payer universal health care at a town hall was put up on the web and she snagged it for a segment. Didn’t realize it until I started getting Facebook posts about it! But yea, this should be great.
Wow! Do you have a Youtube clip of it?
Yea, lemme find it.
Homosexuality is wrong because magnets.
Yep! Sounds reasonable to me!
Seriously. Magnet guy and banana guy should get together to disprove all the myths of the liberal world.
I really like the idea of a unicorn barfing rainbows saying that.
That Mr. Show skit is one of my favorites!
I saw a study somewhere (I’m not saying it was, but it might have been on Penn & Teller’s Bullshit) that showed therapy through physically exerting your frustration in a violent manner (such as beating the shit out of something with a tennis racket) tends to only amp people up to be more frustrated and angry. NOT very healthy.
Richard Cohen should be biting that pillow instead of beating it. It would probably be healthier for everyone involved.
Hey-ey!
Ho-o!
Hey-ey!
Ho-o!
“I love all of you! Nom nom nom nom”
Gay 1980s Brian Posehn FTW.
I lovelovelovelovelove Rachel Maddow and I want to marry her. YES HOMO.
Sometimes… when I watch her show… I like to think Rachel is (unironically) my girlfriend. MLIRM.
“No, no, I think you misheard… I said ‘Pillow biting.’”
MLIT!
So let me get this straight( PUN!) I’m gay so my parents will love me?
If that were true I could have easily just faked an interest in sports.
http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/let_us_identify_the_faggots_and?utm_source=onion_rss_daily
Is that extra appropriate or extra inappropriate? Maybe it’s just unrelated…
Professor Onion-crosspost over here.
you know what else? apparently that weirdo fundie group “the family” composed of congressmen and senators (you know them! the ones who are pushing the stupak amendment that’s trying to erode abortion coverage, the ones who helped john ensign pay out that ‘im sorry i’m fucking your wife’ money this summer, the ones who sponsor the national prayer breakfast) well they have basically adopted the ugandan parliament member that is proposing this insane legislation. fresh air did a whole segment on it a few weeks ago. barf barfy barf barf is my analysis.
This segment only slightly funnier to me than the AMAZING Gang of 4 bit she did at the beginning (lolz start at 1:13). Were you under the desk the whole time Kent?! Rachel Maddow comedy hour!
that guy is all “I’m going to cuddle you until you love women, Ugandan faggots.”
…and somewhere Tom Cruise is high-fiving all those around him while shedding a single tear.
All RachelMaddowgum in here. And I love it.
Definitely must-see TV tonight. I hope he brings his magnets and a tennis racket to do a live demonstration!
I like to imagine the next slide after the one in the powerpoint citing Richard Cohen as just a blank screen that says “SO WE SHOULD KILL THEM.”
i actually have a friend who decided he was going to not be gay anymore. then he spent the next 2 years being incredibly depressed and calling me all the time to propose? and hating himself. he’s gay again, so its all good. as far as i know, his therapy regime was less cuddling with creeps/pillow fights and more drinking constantly/apologizing to his parents.
Didn’t the Daily Show do a segment on Richard Cohen a while ago? I seem to remember Ed Helms or a Corddry being cuddled by this guy. But ugh, I can’t WAIT to see Rachel take this guy down. Lots of Barf.
http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/mon-march-19-2007/diagnosis–mystery-pt–2
This guy is such a garbage clown, but at least back then he was a HARMLESS garbage glown.
Sam Seder and Janeane Garofalo used to run that hilarious clip (MOM MOM MOM WHY DIDYOU DOTHAT TOME! or as I like to abbreviate it when I text my mom “MMMWDDT”) all the time on their radio show. Esp. when preceded by a clearly-closeted, fundie homophobic Republican.
They say when he tried to do this in Russia, his relations with the proles resulted in a bitterly vindictive and retributive memoir, A Gay in the Life of Ivan, Dennis?s Bitch.
You are fooling no one, Ricky.
I know she promised no tennis rackets, so i kind of just want her to keep punching him in the face until all my rage at all the stupids goes away. it might not end well.
So the cure for gayness is to invent a job where you cuddle with men all day long?
Taint!
Well, I’m done with watching this and the daily show sketch and the rage typing and I’m not posting my rant. phew! that took some self-control. You’re Welcome Monsters!
and now for some platonic cuddle therapy with my puppy. He loves me no matter my mood and has stinky farts.
MLIT
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Hu-hur… he “used himself as a guinea pig”.
daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaang
That’s all I have to say about the Rachel Maddow interview from tonight. Shit’s ridiculous.
“Actually Rachel, I’m glad you brought it up because I was the victim of a HATE CRIME!,” et cetera.
NICE MOVE, you psychopath.
You could almost literally see explosions going off in her head when he said that.
I also liked how when she brought up the bit about race possibly being a contributing factor to homosexuality, he told her that she was taking it out of context. Then she read the sentences before and after it, and it made even less sense. Then he just dodged the topic altogether.
Also, is it just me or did he look like he was shaking the entire time, like behind that standard shit-eating grin of his he was constantly one step away from pooping himself on camera?
I know, he was doing some fucking weird mouth movements.
And his shameless self-promotion after every faulty counterargument really motivated me to visit his website/buy his books because I’ve FINALLY realized that the only reason I’m not straight is because I haven’t considered bullshit pillow-beating catharsis theory!(?)
remember the “no gay son of mine is gonna be not gay!” episode?
His therapy comes in handy after you’ve been fucked by Mike Tyson until you love him.