Photos
We’ve all had a lot of fun looking at photos from yesterday’s Twilight: New Moon premiere. Some might say the most fun ever. Although if you hear someone saying that, ask them to stop, and tell them that they don’t know what fun even is. But it’s hardly fair for me to get all of the glory (INCREDIBLE GLORY!) with my hilarious (SO HILARIOUS!) photo captions. So now it is your turn! What could Kristen Stewart possibly be thinking in this photo? I don’t know! That is what your captions are for. Hahaha. Sometimes life is just TOO good, right, you guys? Leave your captions in the comments, and the winner will receive a special shout out in this week’s Monsters’ Ball (WOW! What an amazing prize! I should probably check with our lawyers and make sure we can afford this!).
Good luck. And remember, the most important thing is that you guys just have fun with it. Probably. There might be something more important but I can’t think of it right now! I’m too overwhelmed with excitement for this great movie!
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What the fuck is a man with a penis doing here?
Stupid lamp!
Male fan: “I’m required by law to have you sign this!” (she’s under 18, right?)
I apologize, that was terrible and uninspired, please downvote!
Well that was embarrassing, I had to to create a new account since I forgot the password for the last one and I subconsciously remembered the old one and signed in….. uh…. just ban me already.
My lip hurts.
“Kristen, I’m a Dracula, kiss me!!!!”
HAHA you have JUST REMINDED me of THIS GREAT image a fellow VIDEOGUM poster (Max the King of ALL Wild THINGS FUCKIN masterly created):
(my submission in response to this one)
“Dracula? Never heard of him”
“TURBO KILL mode: ENGAGED.”
Get out of here French Stewart, I told you we’re not related!
Kristen: “Where the fuck is YOUR homemade sign?”
“Does my name start with a C or a K? I always forget.”
No, Gabe, I will not download your blog.
I’m not scared… No more pull-ups!
Andrew, don’t interrupt!
Dammit!!
FUCK. You win.
These “Yellow Handkerchief” fans are getting crazier every week…
“Andrew, don’t interrupt.”
Great minds, my friend. Great minds.
Look, stop it, I don’t care if you brought 50 cent
‘Yes, I can sign it “To Gabe ))<>((“, I don’t get it though…’
“I know what you are. You’re pale white and ice cold.”
“Say it”
“A nerd!”
where is your single long stemmed rose? megan fox is not the only starlet worthy of flowers!!!
There once was a lion named . . . Pandy. So the lion fell in love with the lamp. Stupid lamp. Sick masakistic lion.
“Maybe the black people are in the crowd.”
“You Mad.”
“How do I sign X again?”
“No, these people are all Twi-hards, dear. I believe you’re the only In the Land of Womaniac.”
Alternate thought: “What is up with Topher Grace?”
At least, that is what occupies my thoughts most of the time.
“you want me to sign what? it’s not even packaged… ew.” to fan holding this: http://videogum.com/archives/nsfw/nsfw_right_yes_twilight_dildo_085471.html
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
What happened to my face to make it like this?
I don’t get why I’m being downvoted on this. Don’t we make fun of the Kristen Stewart face all the time? “My lip hurts” has like 40+ upvotes. I mean, I admit that is a lot funnier than mine, but seems like both jokes are at the expense of Kristen Stewart’s face. Which is a stupid face.
But your comment implies that her face is ugly. And I have to say that her face is not that ugly. The lip one doesn’t comment on how ugly her face is. I think that is the case.
monsters be fickle pickles.
“HA! I KNEW YOU’D LEAVE THE PANIC ROOM!”
“I wish I was in my Panic Room right about now.”
“You holding?”
I imagine Kristen Stewart’s thoughts always go a lot like this: “WEEEEEEEED…….. ok Kristen it’s time for a strategically placed lip bite and mumble, WEEEEEEEEED.”
“Dude, they’re only c-cups, chill.”
KS: “I thought you said I was making this out to your daughter.”
Totally-Heterosexual-Nothing-Unusual-Male Twilight Fan: “Oh, um…you are! My daughter’s name is Stan! Short for….Stan…ita? Stanita. I have a daughter named Stanita.”
KS: “…nice talking to you, Stan.”
THNUMTF: “THAN-oh shit…”
“I thought everyone here was middle aged women trying to bang Robert Pattinson? I need to bite my lip.”
Nothing. Kristen has no thoughts. End of discussion.
oooh, i love pepper ann! i still remember the theme song!
Me too!!
That avatar is much too cool for 7th grade.
It’s like, one in a million.
stuff and things and people and places.
I don’t know why I even bother washing my hair for these stupid….oh shit.
huh. all these people’s HEADS ARE FALLING OFF.
“Edward, my love! My heart races at the sight of you!”
No, I will not sign your copy of In The Land Of Woman, dorky Jewish boy.
“This is going to be really awkward when he discovers my Robert underwear. Maybe if I turn them inside out…..”
“Vampire Bites?” “Huh?”
“sorry, I don’t remember you. I ate too much pcp and threw up in the helicopter at the gathering. Best weekend ever!”
“No, I don’t know if Sharpie’s are sperm-proof.”
“Yo Douchebag… I already told you… I’m NOT signing any Zathura memorabilia!”
*Annoyed Silence*
“If James Pattinson finds out i’m wearing panties with his face on them I’ll never live it down”
Man with pink bracelet ” What are the primary ingredients in K-stew?”
“Oh my god, this must have been exactly how Jami Gertz felt at the premiere of Lost Boys!”
“Fuck you, Abigail Breslin.”
Ugh! I can’t wait to get out of here so I can go download Gabe’s Blog.
Why do I smell axe body spray in a crowd full of teenage girls and middle-aged women? Oh. Oh fuck.
Kristen why is your mouth open?! Bite that lip bitch, bite it!
“As if you could outrun me!”
Why don’t you come back to my place, throw in some vampire teeth and I can give my Twilight Fleshlight the night off.
Oh, like how you “love” Liza Minelli. I get it now.
Very nice.
“Is this the line to 2012?”
Kristen Stewart wistfully thinks of that one time when her bitchface appeared on Jesus’ grilled cheese.
Who farted?
I’m just so tired of all this Twilight.
“Kristen! Kristen! What was it like working with William Hurt?”
I so look like Joan Jett right now.
I’m sure I’ll enjoy my dinner very much, thanks.
Seriously? You came all this way to discuss my period?
You Nasty
The Twilight in their Eyes: “What’s more DISTURBING? Our hair-styles, or how much I’m feeling you??” -K.Stew regarding baldy gel-head dude.
Who’m I makin this out to? Gay?!? OH GAAAAABE.
No.
Kristen Stewert tries to gauge whether the next fan in line is a normal, garden-variety “KILL KRISTEN TO GET TO RPATTZ” fan, or the rarer “KILL KRISTEN AND WEAR HER SKIN SO I CAN BE BELLA SWAN” variety.
(Sorry about the caps; I just imagine that Twihards think in shrieks)
No, I haven’t used the Twilight dildo, but yes, I am wearing the underwear.
What the bourgeoisie therefore produces, above all, are its own grave-diggers. Its fall and the victory of the proletariat are equally inevitable.
To those who deride the inoperative ecstasy in a smashed window or a car set aflame, we propose nothing less than to destroy their compulsive representation, by any means necessary.
These photoshopped Gabes kinda creep me out.
Assassin’s Creed: New Moon?
ISIJTUT!!! (I signed in just to upvote this)
I like the new moon advertisment you added to the railing, bravo relevant.
Uhhhhhhhhhhhh……SECURITY!
“Oh you thought vampires were the only creatures that were dead inside?”
“That’s a nice sign, I’m glad there are no gay people standing here.”
“What’d you say, JC Chasez? Beware the Ides of what?“
Wubdub! Where have you been! Also, this comment wins, shut it down.
Did a bird just land in my hair?
“I can draw letters without even looking! Watch. I practiced this when I signed that goddamned vampire contract I couldn’t be less enthused about.”
“It was all dream, I use to read People Magazine
Brad Pitt and Angelina all up in the limousine.
Now I’m in the Twilight cause I act tight,
time to get paid and blow up like the [American disaster redacted].”
Them Beats Is Dooooppppeeee!!!
And Taylor fucking Lautner gets to hang out with Kanye fucking West. Man, his song about New York is so hot right now.
hilarious or oblivious, lots of love to thiis
Really? Your teenage daughter’s name is Robert? You’re an adult. If you want me to sign an autograph for you, just say so.
“Aren’t you a guy? Arene’t you in yoru mid 20s? You should be ashamed of yourself.”
The answer is a thought bubble with nothing in it.
LOOK AT ME!
K-Stewl: Oh. No, i?m fine. I?m just really tortured by all this fame and notoriety. What? No, look, I can barely hear you from all this screaming I could give two shits about. You don?t… you don?t even have a mustache. Listen, if you can get it over the barricade I?ll sign it or whatever but I?ve got to keep this sad parade moving. Yeah, ?fangs? for the boner. I get it. Your pretending to be straight. Yeah, yeah, I got like a thousand more of these before my publicist says I?m done and captions are supposed to be a sentence at best…so, R-Pat?s coming up, see if he gets your joke.
The End.
Bi-Twi-Guy: “Kristen, Don’t you hate when Gabe makes a contest out of a single post and nobody wants to up vote anyone else’s comments for fear of losing?”
K-Stew: “What?”
This is my family now, Dad. I’m never coming home.
“Kristen! Sign my poster!” a fan yelled.
“……….” Kristen Stewart thought.
She shuffled over to the poster and mustered up all her remaining brain power to give the fan an autograph. Then she vacantly shuffeled away.
“i knew i should have taken that gossip girl part when i had the chance. damn you, hilary duff. what’s your name buddy? you know what, i’m just gonna make it out to ‘dan’.”
Douchechill! [think David Cross, y'all]
“A fan has a rare moment with Kristen Stewart, locking eyes with her for two full, silent minutes, and discovers that Edward Cullen is not the only one unable to telepathically read anything in the young starlet’s mind.”
“Did you just use the word ‘Cullenoscopy?’”
“Sparkly balls, sparkly balls, I like sparkly balls!!!”
Seriously, bro? You really gonna ask me what I thought about “The Cake Eaters” right now?
“He seems so enthusiastic, I don’t have the heart to tell him the werewolf effects are really bad.”
“So it’s a movie about monopoly? How much will I make?…. Alright, cool”
“…Line?”
The cat wants a cheeseburger? I don’t get it.
I don’t know why, exactly, but this made me crack up more than any other caption suggestion. Upvoted!
erm.. no i will not join your wolf pack..
If only he was a goat.
I wish I knew how to smile
I can’t wait until this is over because I’m going to get in my car and drive to Russia.
*Sigh* I am too firmly latched onto the teat to complain that this is my life.