First of all, let’s clear a few things up:

1. There is no new adrenaline sport on the horizon.
2. It was Stadius who said “it was fear that first made Gods in the world,” your boyfriend thought right! Although Stadius was talking about Ultimate Frisbee.
3. This guy is your boyfriend

Also, if I ever see a kid doing tricks on a razor scooter, I will murder him, and then I will turn myself in. My years in prison will be made more endurable with the knowledge that I have at least done my part in CLEANING UP THE STREETS.

Comments (61)
  1. EverythingIsTerrible.gum

  2. I hate when someone beats you in a race then you have to have lunch with tehm

  3. The best part is the old guy’s flashback to the past at 1:27 where he and his buddies used to…ride upright wooden segways? What?

    • @0:25 what is this kid hoping to accomplish by chucking his razor scooter? Bad economy and such, food on your scooter family, blah

    • it was basically that scene in Back to the Future, right before MJFox destroys that kid’s scooter and turns it into a skateboard.

  4. I really wish Everything Is Terrible wouldn’t chop videos up to try and make them funnier with awkward jump-cuts. I’m pretty sure I would have Lots of Loved if I could have seen the original, baditudical Razor video uncut from the year 2000 without the scene changing every 5 seconds.

    • How has Gabe not banned you yet? Isn’t this like the fourth name you’ve commented under?

    • Word, Husky. More like OUR EDITING IS TERRIBLE!!!!!!! Really, it annoys me too. It doesn’t make anything funnier to chop it up like they do.

    • I thought most of these clips were taken from 30-minute tapes from the bargain bin of oblivion or whatever. Assuming that’s the case, THANKS FOR THE EDITING, GUYS.

      Also, I think they do a decent job of chopping up the tapes shitty-style for extra lulz. But that’s just me.

  5. Did you guys see that riding TWO razor scooters!? I didn’t know you could do that!

  6. Puka shell necklaces age like a fine wine. Stadius said that.

  7. oh man, the impossibles? paging me in 9th grade! pop punk rulez!! i need to go find some jncos and manic panic.

  8. I had almost forgotten about these… I didn’t know they were so ‘badass’ though…

  9. I roomed with this guy in college. He was 36 back then as well.

  10. Shouldn’t that little fat kid be wearing a helmet?

  11. It’s like skateboarding. But safer. TO THE EXTREME!

    • I read your post and thought, “Hey, a Pepper Anne avatar.”

      And then I thought, “Wait, why the hell do I instantly recognize a poorly framed image of a decade old cartoon I have never watched in my life, and yet I’ve lived in this apartment for three months now and still can’t remember my phone number or zip code?” And then I started thinking about where my life is headed and I got depressed.

      Basically, I blame you and your Pepper Anne avatar for all the problems in my life.

  12. Mmmm frosted tips. Like frosted donuts, but better*.

    *douchier.

  13. Living in California must be awesome!

  14. I like that grandpa’s Rascal. You can tell he appreciates quality.

  15. I just had a “Dude, Rad” attack. I’m better now, Dude!

  16. that dude = guy fieri post stomach stapling.

  17. i like at the very beginning there are some EXTREME air quotes

  18. So buying a razor scooter will not only make you extreme to the max, it will also let you travel as fast as a hover round? SUH-WEET! I want a razor scooter for Christmas, guys. Are we cowabunga on this?

  19. I’m pretty sure he was trying, and failing, to say the name of the classical author Statius (which for those of us who speak America’s national language, English, is usually pronounced something like Stay-shus, not Stat-i-us). For a dude with frosted tips on a razor scooter, he has an impressive breadth of classical learning.

    • Yo, So-crates!

    • I left a prolix comment regarding Statius (and Petronius, whom Statius seems to have been quote when he wrote that) on the original Everythingisterrible post, although I would pronounce it “STAH-tee-oos,” were I forced to make a choice.
      (And for the record I am PRO-editing. The times that blog have actually posted unedited passage of interminable, say, song sungs by professional wrestlers, is it invariable UNWATCHABLE.)

  20. I believe it was Stadius who also warned us to never to fuck with an aged man in a fine New Balance walking shoe.

    Enjoy your lunch of shame, son.

  21. Those wooden scooters looked so much better than the razors. all the older toys always look cooler. like those kids who rolled hoops with sticks. they were very cool

  22. I have been trying to find Warheads for the past couple weeks and they aren’t in any stores. It is the only sour candy left in the world that can make me look like I’m cringing. I’m still heartbroken that my favorite has been discontinued:

  23. Yeah, I always go looking for drag races with old people in power chairs when I’m out cruising on my Razor.

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