Photos
As you have probably noticed, it is Blog Law that every blog on the Internet give you their favorite scary movie to watch on Halloween. If you don’t, you have to go to Blog Jail! And then another blog has to commit a blog crime and get blog sentenced in order to come blog find you and help blog you blog break blog out. Classic.
Now, let’s be honest about a couple of things. 1) you are going to watch whatever movie you want to on Halloween, because you are an adult, or a child with very poor boundaries and a “No Parents” sign on their bedroom door. This is basically just Blog Filler, when blogs do this. And 2) I don’t like scary movies, and any recommendation I make will be incredibly unauthoritative. On Monday I’ll get all these disappointed emails, like, “We took your advice and watched Bridge to Terabithia, but it wasn’t very scary.” And I will be like “OMG, what are you talking about, I had to put that movie in the freezer, Joey Tribbiani-style.”
But Blog Law is Blog Law, and so I am going to recommend that you watch the same movie that I recommended you watch last year, because it is hilarious, and because I am lazy. The movie is called The Gingerdead Man, and it stars the voice acting of Gary Busey as a possessed blood-thirsty gingerbread cookie wreaking havoc on a shitty bakery full of retarded teenagers.
Why does that bakery have a walk-in oven? That oven is too big, you punk bitches! I think my favorite part of this movie is how everyone is allowed to leave the bakery at any time, but they just don’t. This movie is so good. Seriously, you are going to love it. Again.
 |
 |
You Might Also Like
 That’s Your Coffee: David Lynch Coffee | Shakma Hates Doors | Who Doesn’t Love Sketch Comedy From College Students?! |  Attention Man Babies: You Don’t HAVE To Go On TV!!!! |
I don’t know if you know this, but Millard Findlemeyer is Gary Busey’s real name.
I am not your Gary Busey boy.
That movie is almost as silly as the time I almost knocked Davis Cross on his ass, because he was fucking asking for it. Scary Movie 2, my ass!
*David Cross
When did monsters start playing Foxymorons?
You know, I’ve met David Cross 43 times. And sure, the first 42, I was the asshole. Those were my bad. But that one’s on him. I tried that time. You know David Cross… Cat’s in the cradle. Silver spoon. The moon. All that.
The Gingerdead Man 2: Passion of the Crust
It’s so much funnier that that is the real title of the sequel.
Gingerbread 3: Saturday Night Clever.
Sounds like the director is having a Best New Party Game all by himself, and with his own career.
I like how the Bakery’s name is….Bakery. That’s how you know you’re in for a treat!
“treat” ha!
Gingerdead Man 2: Passion of the Crust is an actual thing. Wow.
Eat me, you punk bitch!
Srsly though, why DON’T they just eat him?
Did someone come up with the name: “Gingerdead Man,” and then create a movie around it or did someone think: “I’ve got a great idea for a movie about a murderous cookie that comes alive by mixing ashes, dough and blood,” and after the fact came up with the name “Gingerdead Man?” Regardless, Spoiler Alert: amazing movie.
Gingerdead Man 3: “One Tough Cookie”
Gingerdead man 4: Pushing Up Flours.
Gingerdead Man 5: The Dough Knight
Gingerdead Man 6: Attack of the Bundead
Gingerdead Man 6: The Search For More Money
Gingerdead Man 7: Scone But Not Forgotten
Gingerdead Man 8: Gum Drop Bazookas
Gingerdead Man 9: Lemon Meringue, Die
i might be scraping the bottom of the terrible pun barrel here.
Gingerdead Man 10: Doughnut Indemnity
Gingerdead Man 11: Banana Scream Pie
Gingerdead Man 11: In Soviet Russia, Cookie Cuts You!
Gingerdead Man 11: In Soviet Russia, Cookie Cuts You!
Gingerdead Man 12: Mississippi Blood Pie
I’m officially out of baked goods now.
Gingerdead Man 13: If You Can’t Handle The Death Get Out of The Kitchen
Gingerdead Man 14: Cruller Than Before
Gingerdead Man 14: Last But Not Yeast
My terrible pun comments needed an ending.
Now I’m done.
Gingerdead Man 15: Back from the Bread
I watched this a few years ago when my friend picked it out in the movie store. The whole thing is TBS very funny and Gary Busey is Night of the Living Dead very scary. I’m totally gonna rent this tomorrow. Hope my friends are ready to puke up laughter! My life is tears of a clown very sad.
Nope it is going to be called Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver
insert James Franco eating pie video here
Gingerdead Man 4: Loaf in the Time of Cholera
I can’t believe Gabe typed that entire first paragraph without including the phrase “honest to blog.”
WTF, how did I miss this Movie!?! Gary aBusey? Bad puns on gingerbread? Out of time and place baked goods?
Um I used to work in a bakery that had a walk in oven. And that was a time in my life where I worked two full time jobs, the baker job from 4am-11 and then another job from 12-9. And I started to go crazy. From all the working and the getting up at 230 am every morning. So I would slowly start to be scared of the oven because it was so big and of course imagined myself getting stuck in it, horror movie style. One day while completely delirious from lack of sleep, out of the corner of my eye, I would have SWORN I saw a monster or some human shape come out of the oven. And I turned around and screamed. I then explained that it was the oven monster that made me scream. And that Einstein’s in Sarasota, Florida hasn’t been the same since.
UPVOTE TIMES A MILLION. Campfirestorygum. I got chills practically.
“I took your advice and watched the Gingerdead Man trailer, and it was very funny.”
Btw, don’t laugh at those terrible looking effects ’cause they are vintage… coming straight from 2005!
MUST VISIT: IMDB profile page
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0364376/
Tagline Out of the oven… and into your heart!
Plot An evil yet adorable Gingerbread man comes to life with the soul of a convicted killer – this real life cookie monster wreaks havoc on the girl who sent the killer to the electric chair.
Last User comment Honestly the single greatest piece of cinema ever. – lunchbox42288
I have a few issues with this cinema achievement.
1) How could a killer the size of a cookie kill people? He is so small!
2) How can he shoot a gun? Cookies don’t have thumbs!
3) How did he turn that one teenager into some killer zombie? He must be a magical cookie killer.
I liked this better when it was called Jack Frost and/or Demonic Toys.
Cinematic achievement. I’m an asshole.
I’ve watched this 4 times…is the cookie human sized or just a standard cookie size? Because if he’s human sized I can see how this may be terrifying.
I think he’s the size of a slightly-larger-than average cookie, because of his size in comparison to the gun, and what I think is just an ordinary bread knife.
So, like the size of a Cabbage Patch Kid or a Pomeranian?
Aw…too bad we got all of this blood in this cookie dough. Oh well, I guess we could bake it anyway, nothing bad could possibly come of this.
If the phrase “Augh Heck” is uttered every time someone slices their own arm open in this movie, i may have to watch it. But if i do that I think I’ll just end up doing some of my own “Augh Heck”-ing about half-way through the movie
“Here’s one: When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life cracks your head, use a helmet.” -Gary Busey
Holy crap, this movie was made by Charles Band, direct-to-video super-auteur of the 90s. I hope it’s as wonderful as it looks. I’d hate for the guy to have peaked with Dollman Vs. Demonic Toys.
I imagine this clip being played right after the Gingerdead Man says “why don’t you eat my you punk bitch?” And James Franco thinks “don’t mind if I do!”
SO GOOD
I’m gonna save this ’till Thanksgiving and do double feature with Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead.
“The Gingerdead Man 16: No Doughmo”