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I’m sure that his sensitivity has opened him up to you emotionally and sexually in ways that you’ve never experienced with your previous lovers. But he needs to grow a pair if he’s ever going to GET THAT MONEY. Who is going to pay for your fancy dates? Waiter, we are going to need another Tiramisu, this one is soaked with (his) tears!
*Sarcasm.
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All tha thugz nowadays are breaking down and sobbing during armed robberies. It’s the new “pop a cap in yo ass”: weeping like a tiny baby girl child.
I don’t know how I feel about this one, Gabe. I actually kind of feel sorry for him. Stealing is bad, but what if he had a kid to feed or something like that and couldn’t get a job?
That’s true. He has a two-year-old kid and asked the woman to pray for him and his family. This is all kinds of
Something tells me if he was fortunate enough to not need to resort to crime in order to feed his kid, I would be proud to call him my boyfriend.
Good point. He probably had no other options to feed his kids other than to hold a gun in the face of a defenseless woman. What??!?!#?!?!?#@!?$#%?$T%?
I would like to live in your world, where children don’t need to be fed, everyone has a good education and you can strap on your job helmet, climb into a job cannon, and fly off to job land.
Nope, no such thing as desperate economic circumstances or cyclical poverty that overshadows the importance of education here. Why didn’t that guy just go to college and settle into a nice career if his kid needs to eat? I don’t understand.
I’ve got a 2 year old son. If I didn’t have money to feed to him or food to put on him, and I “couldn’t” get a job.. I’d .. I dunno, donate blood? Maybe sell some stuff? Like the handgun I robbed that bank with? I could sell that instead of robbing banks!
That sounded more harsh than I intended, and of course there’s always a better alternative than crime. But for a lot of desperate people, it can seem like the only option. I’m not excusing what this guy did, and he should be punished accordingly, but he clearly doesn’t want to be pointing a gun at this lady’s face and sees it as his only option to feed his kid. I wouldn’t paint him in the same light as unrepentant hardened criminals. The guy just needs to put food on his family.
I just want to chime in at this point and point out that none of this ever would have happened if my boyfriend hadn’t eaten the marshmallow.
I <3 u. See below.
Hugsgum it is! I would post an adorable animal pic if I had the time but we’ll have to use our imaginations for now. <3
How couldja be so Heartless?
Is it strange that I actually like this song? What? I think I need to take a long hard look in the mirror.
Okay, this is a completely true story. I don’t think it’s on the record, but when Kanye did Heartless on SNL, he included the (100% serious, not tongue-in-cheek) line “How could you act so retarded?”. I was laughing so goddamn loudly that my partner, who was brushing her teeth at the time, came to see what was so funny. When I told her about the “retarded” line, she sprayed toothpaste all over the couch, our dog, and my jeans.
Again, this is 100% true.
Can anyone tell me if he actually used that line? Did I imagine it?
That;s your boyfriend, the soon to be caught crybaby thug with no money.
DONT YOU LIKE HAVING TO SUPPORT HIM AND HIS DREAMS OF A RAP CAREER, NECESSITATING YOUR DRIVING TO YOUR THREE PART-TIME JOBS IN YOUR FESTIVA WITH HALF A FLOORBOARD MISSING AND NO HEAT!?!? SO HE CAN GO ROB A STORE (WITH NO MONEY) AND GET EXACTLY (NO MONEY) AND END UP ON CCTV? I’d love that man and never let him go too, I can’t lie.
You won’t make fun of drunkest man ever but you will make fun of this guy? That’s messed up.
agreed.
Although I don’t really think I’m making very much fun of this guy, whose life is obviously abject misery, I will say that Drunkest Man Ever never pointed a loaded gun at another human being’s face. That’s kind of where I draw the pity line.
Drunkest Guy Ever and Crybaby Bank Robber are each other’s boyfriends.
The ultimate power couple!
Crybaby Bank Robber is a power bottom!
I must admit that is a good point. But…this is a “that’s your boyfriend” post, hence you are making fun of him.
mmm, it’s a fucked up situation for sure, but i think this guy does need some compassion and help. or maybe i’m just projecting my namby-pamby socially liberal ideas onto him, or projecting my own experiences from working in poor, fucked up communities onto him. but i do believe that reform is possible, and that the best opportunities to address behavior like this is through compassion, conversation, and addressing needs rather than mocking people and talking about jesus. but whatevs. these ideas are why im going to spend my life as a poor-ass social worker.
getting downvoted for having sympathy for people in fucked up situations and being a social worker is one of the most appropriate things to have happened to me on videogum. it’s just like real life! i’m going to go bake cookies now and weep about system social problems. the tears actually make them better.
I just upvoted you. I wish I could upvote you in dollar bills, yall.
aw, thank you. i’m ok with being broke (i’d have to be completely dumb to have thought that i could somehow make bank working in social services), but it’s the constant snark directed at me that’s annoying. other people with “better jobs” always seem to act like i’m some dumb, overgrown kid who just doesn’t get how the world works, and whose ideas are quaint and cute, and in some cases, people actually treat me like i’m borderline retarded for doing the work i do. gah. town whinergum, population: me. and finally, while i do abhor violence and guns and all the machismo bullshit that is wrapped up in a situation like this, and whereas i respect the whole “he could’ve blown that lady’s face off”, and i do also believe that she should’ve never experienced something like that, i don’t like all this “get a job” shit that people always resort to when talking about crime/poverty. the barriers that exist for some people in the job world- even the barriers when you’re talking about mcdonalds or construction (aside: what construction jobs exist right now?)- are absolutely fucking insane. where i live almost 30% of the adult population can’t read. how the fuck do you fill out a job application when you can’t fucking read? i’m just a commie-ass apologist, though, and i should prob just give up on this thread because talking about this stuff on the internet on a website that is usually nothing but fun is really lame of me. plus it’s friday and i do need to get work done. and to obviously get off my high horse that’s on top of my soapbox.
In my defense, “options” was not a Beckian jab at bootstrap pulling job getting. I meant the option to not pull a gun in the first place. If it makes you feel any better, my wife is a Social Worker. She just went gold-diggin’ on this evil capitalist business major (me). And it worked out alright for her. You should try THAT option! (aside: I can’t help but to also think that my screen name may have affected the perception of my statement. I’d change it, but SOME people have asked us not to do that. So, whatever.) Peacegum, ya hippie!
And he could have flinched and blown that woman’s head off. You NEVER need to use a gun to solve your problems. The minute a person THREATENS TO END YOUR LIFE because they have problems, I immediately stop giving a fuck about them. Before, sure! Hey, life is hard, the economy is shit, we all gotta put food etc., but robbing someone at gunpoint is fucked up, and fuck this guy. Go to McDonald’s, fill out an application. Go to a construction site, pick up boards. Menial jobs suck but you gotta start somewhere.
I’ve been a detective for *3 years!*
Daniel Day-Lewis would’ve killed this scene!
I’VE ABANDONED MY BOY.
Say what you will, my boyfriend is having a really hard time. IT’S THE RECESSION! And he’s living the American dream one tear, one cellphone, one histrionic drop to the knees and sob to the heavens, and one $20 bill at a time.
Soon we’ll be up in the big leagues, getting our turn at bat. (once he gets out of jail, that is).
I have a sadness shield that will keep out all the sadness, and its big enough for all of us…
I’m sorry, Smartest House, but I thought your icon was some weird mashup of a cock aimed at a basketball hoop, with a dude in a beard. Now I see it’s someone’s arm, but it still looks like a cock. Where is Tom Cruise when you need him?
i’m uncomfortable that, out of all the questions this reporter might’ve asked about crime and poverty and whatnot, the question is, “do you think talking about god saved this woman’s life?” way to go, america. we’re always thinking about the hard things up in here.
“Although audio was not available, reports indicate that Montez was able to talk him down by telling him that if he gave up larceny and applied himself, he would be able to enjoy a life of ice cream and a lack of gay people.”
yikes gabe! pretty fucking harsh. i think you need to reconnect with your inner lindsay…
Oh jeez, you guys. I added a footnote to help you read the post better.
you’re a regular david foster wallace. thanks for the help.
Is it HateOnGabeGum, or what? I know that a few weeks (months, maybe? how long have I been away?!) ago everybody was hatin’ on him for saying that their comments were weak and somebody was doing some porny spam (or something. twitter ya’ll). And now there’s this. Jeez, guys. You know that videogum is satire, right? So it’s all a joke, right?
Eh, I guess monsters are monsters. Hey Gabe, I suggest you get out your tranquilizer gun just in case there’s a full blown Monster Mash!
We can’t disagree with Gabe from time to time?
Sure you can. Just realize that he’s the pretty much the only face of the operation now that Little L is gone, so it’s gotta be hard runnin this whole thing on his own. and it is a joking website website, so lets lighten up. This ain’t YouTube!
We can. But i tend not to on the days I don’t feel up for a smack down.
I’m not sure which part I like more, that he had a breakdown and then continued with the robbery, that he only took $20, or that he took her phone which is obviously going to have a GPS attachment, so unless he immediately sold it he’d be incredibly easy to trace.
Whoa, TalbainJ, you’re stuck in Storrs? I’m so sorry.
Hey, I like it here, with all the cows and no real action and stabbings.
We have a basketball team!
“You threaten my [boyfriend], you threaten me!!!!”
–Sandra Bullock in the Academy Award-winning “The Blind Side”.
sarcasm or no sarcasm….BOO.
Oh, dave. Why is that the people who want to criticize, which is ALWAYS WELCOME, are always the ones who comment under MULTIPLE NAMES?
Please only comment under one name.
Well Gabe, It’s not some clever ruse to take down the monster(s) from the inside. I just could never sign in, and after awhile I got tired of trying. Sorry sheriff.
Well, you have also used multiple registered names in the past. Please choose one and stick with it.
But also, are you still having problems logging in? I know we went through an extended phase of log-in problems, but most of them should be resolved. What browser are you using?
I bet Dave’s crying now. Fucking crybaby*
*probably
Yeah, bet he can’t sign-in cause he browsing with Crierfox
(BAZOING!)
I still have signin problems fairly regularly. I’m using Chrome.
Ditto.
Well, Dave, it’s obvious you are not praying hard enough.
Hey guys, It’s “dave”…and IM BURNT!
Aw! This is actually kind of touching/beautiful.
Hugs for all criminals!(?)
Maybe it was a water gun and he was filling it up?
I was always attracted to him because of how dangerously he lived but after seeing this, it’s definitely over.
My boyfriend can shoot your boyfriend in the face.
Geez…I also have to say that I don’t think this is an occasion for derision. It seems bizarre to make fun of him for being a “crybaby” or sensitive when the opposite impulse pretty much means some sort of brutality.
“I’ve been a detective for three years and I’ve never seen anything like this.” THIS is interview we use to effectively punctuate this event?
The lazy reporter that interview the first person they saw down at the station is all of your boyfriends.
Don’t get me wrong. I certainly feel sorry for the guy. But, I also feel sorry for the poor woman that had a gun in her face. Glad it had a happy ending. Let’s get back to remembering how much The Invention of Lying sucked! Hugs?
And that was a reply to That One. I am suck at cybernetting in reply.
this hug is NOT going to end well.
I’m the polar bear IRL, in case you were wondering.
Great story. They prayed, she tried to show him the error of his ways … then he robbed the place anyway. Also, what kind of check cashing store has only 20 bucks on hand? No wonder the guy has turned to crime, the economy is so bad, they don’t expect anyone to cash more than 20 dollars worth of cheques in a single day …
If you guys think this guy stole money to feed his child, you are fooling yourself. If you need food for your kid, they have these things called food banks and food stamps available. No armed robbery required! This guy walked into a business and put a loaded gun in someone’s face. Who gives a shit if he cried about it afterwards. There is no exuse for what he did. How can anyone have sympathy for this douchebag?
I’m relaxing in my rocking chair, with a nice cup of Sanka and a delicious horehound candy, adjusting my orthotics and doing a fat rail of crushed-up Doan’s pills, enjoying my nice old-person Sunday browse through yet another batch of witty Vgum comments. Seriously, Vgum is normally my refuge of intelligent yuks in an otherwise titty-obsessed, not always funny Internetz. So imagine the shock when (for the second time today) I see a post from leahjhoy, consisting of nice young ladies with no clothes on, having marital relations – only I suspect, not so marital, really. Don’t get me wrong – I may be 72, but I’m no prude. I enjoy the act of love as much as any hot-blooded septuagenerian. But goatse porn on Vgum?? Why is leahjhoy not banned? There are many places on the net to see a girl spread her cheeks and show us her Jeff Dunham; I say Vgum should not be that place. Get those naked kids off my Gumlawn.
Sorry, Sarah B.
We have been dealing with this for four days now, deleting hundreds of comments. Obviously, Leahjhoy is banned, but Leahjhoy keeps registering different accounts. We’re almost on top of it now, but obviously it is frustrating. HACKED! I hope that this has not caused you or anyone else any serious problems.
LeahJoy seemed really nice when I gave her my credit card information.
Thanks, Gabe; you rock. There’s nothing really serious about it at all – it’s not even all that shocking to anyone who has had an Internet account for as long as I have (62 years come Boxing Day). It was just sort of a contextual non sequitur. I figured you were on it, just thought I’d mention it in case this troll was one that slipped past the watchdogs.
but…i thought gabe…you had multiple names and…he said banned so i thought…
aynrandian are you jesus?
I think we’ve made it very clear how we feel about you, aynrandian. I am bringing my full on bitch-face to this table. -_- You can’t see it right now, but it’s terrifying.
To be fair, Jesus would have been a HUGE Ayn Rand fan.
haahahahhaha. Perfect. I love you That One.
Rand’s work is like racism in that it divides people into two arbitrary groups (me and everyone else) and gives one unjustified preference over the other.
“Love thyself more than thy neighbor.”
DAAAAAMN!!! THAT IS SOME JESUS CHRIST SHIT!!!!
Whoa baby. I guess that’s what I get for checking Videogum at 3 in the morning. I’m telling Gabe! You’re in trooouble.