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Well, it is finally here. The movie that nobody was waiting for. I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, a sub-sub-par Hangover* with no stars based on a shitty blog. Perfect! Hollywood was like, “we’re gonna need a bigger green light!” A friend of mine walked by the exclusive New York sneak preview a few weeks ago and took a photo of the daunting line to get inside.
Ha. Anyway, you’re probably not going to see this movie. Mostly just because I’m sure it’s going to be impossible to get tickets. Variety is reporting that Fandango’s servers crashed this morning. (Variety is not reporting that Fandango’s servers crashed this morning.) But let’s take a look at what people who have seen it are saying!
New York Post:
…the numb vulgar-hipster patter rarely fails to be excruciating.
Ouch. The New York Post! Literally a toilet newspaper!
If ever a movie needed a restraining order issued against it, it’s I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.
Hell is too good for those associated with this movie.
Put down the digital camera, step away from Robert McKee’s guide to screenplays, and get back to ramming your head through Sheetrock during spring break.
I have no idea if they serve beer in hell. But I have some notion of what might be playing at the Hades AMC 20.
But the movie did get some accolades. Like this one, from Reuters:
If for no other reason, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, based on Tucker Max’s blog and best-selling memoir, achieves a certain cinematic distinction by outdoing Dumb and Dumber in sheer grossness and detail with its depiction of the unfortunate effects of explosive diarrhea.
This movie is going to win all the Poopscars.
*Like, if you saw a homeless man holding a sign that said “Please help. Any sub-par Hangover rip-off would be appreciated,” and you tried to hand him a copy of I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, he would make a gas face and start cursing at you. That is how sub-par.
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“the unfortunate effects of explosive diarrhea” it the way I feel about 98% of the movies Hollywood has churned out.
Did anyone else notice a blurb in the New Yorker about this movie that said “based on Taylor Max’s novel of the same name…” Oh I LOLed so hard on that one and it actually made me love the New Yorker even more.
I’m sure they do serve beer in Hell, just that every time you reach for it, the beer moves back from your reach…for eternity.
Also, your glasses break so you can’t read the labels. And it turns out you’re Hitler.
Or even worse, you do get to have a beer, you enjoy it in the company of Hitler, for the rest of eternity everyone knows you as Hitler’s BFF.
or they serve beer infinitely, until you get super fat, which perplexes the devil’s henchmen as to why you aren’t getting sick of them serving you beer. just like donuts.
And they only serve American beer.
In Hell, the only thing they have on tap is Zima.
This is the second time I have read someone giving the gas face this week. Everything old is new again!
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Please don’t ruin this acronym for me. It’s all I have.
You’ve got to pay the troll toll (stick around forever and kind of tweak your style) if you want to get into that boy’s hole (the monsters’ hearts).
THAT SHIT is gross, MAN. I fucking HOPE NO one thinks LIKE THAT when they comment ON THIS site.
I’ll bet it’s a Norma Desmond moment up in Tucker Max’s head, though. You know he is high-fiveing himself in the self-deluded manner of all malignant narcissists because to him the unanimity of the bad reviews means he did things “right.” His narcissistic defense mechanisms will turn this into a triumph.
– Professor Narcissistic Personality Disorder over here
he’s speaking disgusting, terrible person truth to unsuspecting eyes and ears power.
That’s not funny, Gabe, my dad has poopscars. He says they ache when it rains.
The advertising blurbs to look forward to on the posters:
New York Post:
?rarely fails!?
Capital Times:
?a movie!?
USA Today:
?good for those associated with this movie!?
San Francisco Chronicle:
?get back to …spring break!?
Orlando Sentinel:
“I have … idea … hell. … playing! ”
Reuters:
?achieves a certain cinematic distinction!?
On the other hand, Trailer Park Boys: Countdown to Liquor Day is getting rave reviews: http://www.thestar.com/entertainment/movies/article/700751! Go see it, now!
they may not serve beer in hell, but they certainly serve hell in movies (like this one).
If you squint at the photo, you can see that they’re all holding copies of Proust’s The Guermantes Way. Since I barely even got through Swann’s Way, this movie probably isn’t for me.
I know you were saying poopscars as in “poopy oscars” but I just think of actual POOP SCARS. Like scars you get when you poop. Like the scars the movie company is getting from pooping out this movie.
Weird. I was just saying to myself, “I hope they serve a depiction of the unfortunate effects of explosive diarrhea in ‘I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell’”.
Entertainment Weekly actually gave it a good review, “it’s at once hilarious, shocking, and brazenly honest”. Which makes me question them entirely.
Ugh, I want to punch each of those people who actually brought chairs to wait, as though there would be a forever long line to see this craptasm of a movie, in the face. But then I remember that they are going to sit through this movie, and I feel that is punishment enough.
At least this movie got compared to one of the greatest scenes in cinematic history. I mean Harry blasted that toilet, and then it didn’t even work. And on a date no less! rofl. Seriously though Dumb and Dumber is good, this movie is bad, and I’m torn on how I feel about this critic comparing them albeit passingly.
What about the Orlando Sentinel insulting AMC by making them the only movie theater in hell? But hey, 20 screens! That is a lot for a theater in hell.
“Is this the line for the midget tossing championship or the free Ed Hardy-roofie kits?”
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“A movie about beer in hell?”
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“What the fuck is a blog? C’mon, Denise. Let’s go home and oil my chest.”
Is this the conversation between the two people (Denise and Denise’s boyfriend) who abandoned their blue chairs in line to see the movie? Hahaha.
True story: On vacation last month, I was in line to register into a hostel, and there were 2 guys in front of me, both holding copies of this “book.” Two other guys noticed, and they all got into a deep ridiculous discussion about how “great” it was. That is when I turned to my gentleman friend and whispered, “No. We are going to the hotel across the street.” Tucker Max: helping you make the correct travel choices.
I wish I could give two upvotes: one for the comment, and one for the AMAZING avatar.
The dude on the far right looks like Johnny, who just got kicked off ProjRun last week.
We all need goals in life, now I finally have one: win a Poopscar! Time for some pandering to the Academy… however smelly they may be.
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Haha, thanks for speaking the truth to power, Alexand[Tuck]er William[ax]s.
What is your avatar? Neil Diamond shrugging at a langolier?
Close! It’s a Bronson Pinchot and a langolier. You know, everyday stuff.
Of course. How could I possibly confuse Bronson Pinchot with my beloved Neil Diamond (I’m not even being sarcastic)? And what would Neil be doing with a langolier anyway? That’s just crazytalk. You dropped the ball on that one, k the p (my iStreet name. I am trying it out).
I find it hard to believe that Tucker Max has the kind of money to pay that many people to show up to his premier, but some people will do anything for $10 and a free corndog.
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Your post is dishonest. You can’t tell if the line wrapped around the block or not based on that video (There are 5 seconds of a line of people in fast motion though! And a shot of Times Square!) and the theater was not even close to full (as the virtuoso pan shot from 2:35 to 2:37 shows).
I understand liking a movie, but why lie about it?
Wow, you’ve opened our eyes to the truth! You deserve a Pooplitzer Prize.
lollollollollollollollollollol!
Surely you mean simply “poolitzer”? Probably…
Your quote from Random Guy on the Street needs to be added to this roundup: “If you’re a red-blooded American and you like drinking, poop, and, um, sex scenes, you gotta movie for you, man.”
Perfect. Thanks, Alexander!
“Cloudy With a Chance of Explosive Diarrhea”
Can this get a ‘gas face’ tag? We need more of those.
The best part of the picture is the perturbed man sitting next to the sallow woman with the puckered jowls on the far left with the obvious bowel movement awaiting his anus’ ready signal. Let us leave him to his duty (or rather “doody” as it were… ahem… yes…quite… bully) and a life of blissfully quiet ignorance.
oh metacritic, you know what’s up: http://www.metacritic.com/film/titles/ihopetheyservebeerinhell averages at 29/100
Hey, I went to that NY premiere, and they gave all of us who waited in line Axe bodyspray, Ed Hardy t-shirts designed by Jon Gosselin, and the new Limp Bizkit CD – so who’s laughing now!
I’m sure this horrible and troubling film will do well enough with the frat boy types it has been engineered to appeal to, and date-rape culture will continue to thrive on college campuses.
A movie website?