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Media Enterprises, the marketing company behind Mighty Brand products (both of which are currently in the running for 2009′s Most Generic Business Name Award), the line of phone order infomercial junk that made Billy Mays a household name, has decided that he has been dead long enough, and it is time to replace him. From TMZ:
Media Enterprises tells us the hunt will begin August 19 with auditions in Tampa, FL — and will continue throughout the country. We’re told Mays’ image will remain on the Mighty products, but the company is looking for someone with as much enthusiasm as Billy to sell it.
The first product the new person would be pitching is the Mighty Sponge — a sponge so strong it can allegedly absorb 2 liters of Coke.
I’m not saying that Media Enterprises shouldn’t find a new spokesman. Those Mighty Sponges aren’t going to overenthusiastically sell themselves. But there’s something kind of macabre about the way they’re going about it. Like, going to TMZ to announce your intentions of finding not just the next spokesperson, but the next Billy Mays? You would really think that a company who sells huckster products to naive shut-ins would have a little more class*.
*Sarcasm.
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fucking green-to-:( technology.
Kate Gosselin photobomb!!!
Definitely a classy move by a classy company.
The cast of Weekend at Bernie’s II
Paula Abdul is looking for work.
I don’t know… the Mighty Sponge may be a bit too ironic for Kate Gosselin to promote.
I don’t see why they shouldn’t use the sham-wow guy. He’s great
He’s too busy biting hookers’ tongues.
Also, he’s probably associated with a different, equally blandly named marketing company.
Who is Billy Mays? And why was he culturally relevant?
Because he yelled you into buying stuff.
False. I never buy things. I magic things out of thin air because I am a vampire. That’s one of their vampire powers, right?! That, and being above average at weaving.
You’re trying to hard, jawbone. Just succumb.
Firstly skeezix, how am I trying ‘to hard’? I simply didn’t know who Billy Mays was and genuinely felt flabbergasted/ignorant that he seemed to be pretty famous, yet I hadn’t heard of him. The second comment was me just being silly because I felt sheepish that I didn’t know who he was and everyone else seems to. My aversion tactics did not succeed. Secondly, to me you represent most of what is wrong with Videogum. You mention upvotes and downvotes in your comments way more than is needed and you call people out if you think they are trying to score upvotes. Frankly, I don’t care about upvotes and I think Videogum has become a lot crueler place since Monsters Ball was introduced. I mean, I like coming on this site for an hour a day after work because Gabe makes me laugh, I don’t post anywhere else on the internet. I post silly comments and I don’t need you pushing your shit in my grill because you are so focused on upvotes and downvotes. I come here to relax and forget about the hassles in my life, then I get you hassling me? I’m not here to make friends…. but there are plenty of commenters who seem lovely (here’s looking at you Kiss the Pan and Max). Thirdly, I really do have weaving powers, so who looks like the fool now? Oh and by the way, I upvoted you, just so you feel like you may have achieved something today. Love you.
aaaaannnddd… ye did.
Settle down. You understand this is the internet, right? And that this is videogum, right? And that no one cares.. right?
Also, I didn’t even read your bible sized outburst so I’m not sure if you called me a “jamoke” or maybe even a “useless cunt” but I’m just going to assume you did.
“I’m not here to make friends, I’m here to win!”
You’re getting all existential on us, buddy! S’all cool! Let’s amble on down the internet and get along. I am impressed at your weaving powers, though. Let weaving and Conchords bring us together instead of all up in each other’s e-grills.
Jemaine: You put a woman in front of a weaving machine and watch her go.
Bret: That’s not true. Men love weaving. My father was a weaver, and my grandfather before him was a weaver.
Jemaine: No, I thought your father was a sheep lawyer.
Bret: He was a weaver too. He wove at night.
Did I just have my first e-breakdown?!?!
There’s a reply to you below, but I’m too stupid to click a “reply to” box… I’M FUCKING UP ANOTHER THREAD
next time let’s all get into the wikipedium
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Billy_Mays
Finally! I can now throw my, Let’s Spill 2 Liters of soda and pick it up with a sponge party!!!!
Mighty Awesome!
Speaking of “macabre”.. didn’t you just scribble out a recently deceased guy’s face in black?
No, I’m pretty sure you’re making that up.
It’s clearly a “the king is dead, long live the king” situation.
Didn’t Billy Mays basically have a show on the Discovery Channel that set out to do this very thing? Maybe not find his replacement (unless Billy Mays could see the future!?) but to find the next great pitchman?
I think so. All this talk about upvoting and downvoting and balls is making commenters lose their shit! This place is becoming Lord of the Flies! The last one who had the conch was Talbain, and look what happened to him. I’m assuming he was Piggy and got smashed on the rocks. Alls I’m sayin’ is don’t you become Simon over there, jawbone. We need to keep our eye on the commenting ball like good little Ralphs before the Beast (votes) makes us all go crazy.
Very apropos. When I first starting reading I was going to call dibs on Piggy but I guess it’s too late.
Wow, yeah, what the hell happened. I didn’t mean to take anything out on anyone (Skeezix) so I am sorry. Let’s put this one down to the ketamine.
I was the one being a dick, dude. Don’t apologize.
That this whole thing started with a comment about Billy Mays boggles the mind.
Yes, usually such commenting-related existentialism is preserved for the Monsters’ Ball. If Billy Mays were here, he’d Mighty Sponge this thread clean and start again!
I love Videogum. Thanks Gabe and clever commenters.
He had that kind of impact on people.
RIP
The first product the new person would be pitching is the Mighty Sponge — a sponge so strong it can allegedly absorb 2 liters of Coke.
Allegedly. Innocent until proven guilty.