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Remember that one time many years ago that you were on a family vacation to a rented cottage and your parents invited some of their friends over one afternoon for an all-day (all-boring) lunch? All the adults sat a long table in the backyard, eating and drinking and talking about stupid adult things, and you got restless and decided to wander off and explore a patch of woods that bordered the side of the house? You couldn’t have been more than 20 feet into the trees–you could still hear the laughter of your parents somewhere behind you–and yet you also felt disoriented and lost. The lake was to your right? Or was it to your left? You decided to head back, because your mom had made a cake and even adults couldn’t resist having cake forever (although sometimes it seemed like they tried!) and that was when you fell down that hole. It seemed like you were falling for hours, although when you eventually did get back to the cottage no one seemed to even have noticed you’d left. At the bottom, you met a wizard, and he granted you one wish, and you wished to one day watch a video segment of Sherri Shepherd getting her first ever bikini wax. “Who is Sherri Shepherd?” the wizard asked. “I don’t know yet,” you said. The wizard made you drink a chalky-tasting potion and then returned you to the surface. You ran back to the adults who gave you funny looks as you told them what had happened, and then your mom brushed the hair out of your face and gave you some ice cream. You haven’t thought about that in years.

Well, the wait has been long, but wizards are sorcerers of their word.

This woman is respected for her opinions on stuff!

Next time, wish better. (Via WarmingGlow.)

Comments (31)
  1. Shoulda been barbara walters.

  2. As the wizard is hauled into court, he realizes now that children do not have the capacity to consent to such a disturbing wish, even if they make the wish in the first place. That is what is called a strict liability offense, dear wizard.

  3. Two words: Wookie bush.

    • More like… if Angelina Jolie wore maroon lipstick, got punched in the mouth, ate pancakes with maple syrup, and then fell asleep on a steel wool blanket face first. That’s the nuance we all want, so lets go ahead and place an order for a new word.

  4. Uh, does anyone else think that they pulled WAY TOO MANY strips off of Sherri Shepard’s private area for said privates to be even remotely of a not terrifying size?

    Oh my god.

  5. Watching this without sound is like watching an old racist cartoon. Stupid monitor at work.

  6. When Nina was talking about designs i thought she said “Ve can do a Squirrel” at first, instead of “square.” I….. i won’t lie guys. I would like to see that.

  7. all their pupils are so huge. this is actually just next week’s episode of true blood.

    • I can already see next week’s recap: “…and then Marianne forces Eggs to give Sherri Shepherd a bikini wax because vampires.”

  8. “…and that’s when the audience died.”
    - Barbara Walters

  9. A wizard named Dr. Kuhn once had me drink a chalky-tasting potion. Then he x-rayed my intestines and told me I had Crohn’s Disease.
    After watching this video, I’m pretty sure I got the better wizard.

  10. herrorara  |   Posted on Aug 3rd, 2009 +7

    This is like the gay man’s ipecac

  11. They ripped Tangiers’ mane off.

  12. Our grandfathers died in wars and stuff so that we could watch video of her most intimate landscaping on television. THERE ARE CHILDREN IN HERE!

    • no, they’ve gone outside to hang themselves because this has given them the wrong and terrifying idea of adult sexual practices and they decided better to peter pan it than ever, EVER, get close to that, again.

  13. It’s like The 40-Year-Old Virgin except blarghaadsfljdkjlfsljdjfa;s

  14. The best part of this video is that it rendered Gabe completely unable to write anything about it. His only choice was to match ?!? with ?!? Luckily, you’ve established a nice line of credit on the Interpipes because seriously, what… the… FUCK was that?

  15. I kept expecting to see a little window in the corner of the screen with laughing Asian girls (like on Japanese game shows?) after 1:20. This is fucked.

  16. Kelly Clarkson!

  17. When do we get to see the Barbara Walters’ kidney stones video?

  18. Where’s the before and after?

  19. I like the part where she mentions the only reason she came was for the pain medication.

  20. That is the worst wizard ever.

  21. adam  |   Posted on Aug 3rd, 2009 +2

    But how does one rip the Sherri Shepard off the pussy? Trick question: It can’t be done.

  22. if that wizard asked me for one wish, I would ask for gabe to be my e-boyfriend. we could live in e-vermont and not fear of any e-persecution about our e-love.

  23. I knew merkin futures had plummeted but I didn’t know why.
    NOW I CAN MAKE MONEY IN HIGH FINANCE

  24. I’m just surprised that wax therapist still has her hands.

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