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Speaking of dancing, and moving on to genuinely bad ideas, Katie Holmes, whoever that is, appeared on So You Think You Can Dance last night and performed Judy Garland’s “Get Happy.” You probably missed it because you fell asleep during her pre-dance interview.
OK, so I have a question:
WHAT?
Obviously, I don’t watch So You Think You Can Dance because I am a grown man, and if I’m going to watch people attempt to show the world what it is that they have got, I’m going to watch it on YouTube, because there are more chances for surprises (surprises=fallings down). I don’t care about the abilities of people who have clearly taken two and a half summers worth of lessons at the local community center. I enjoy RAW TALENT. But is this really what America wants? Some misguided trophy wife doing Judy Garland songs like she’s trying out desperately for a slot on a sub-par Academy Awards rip-off that will be taping on the abandoned set of Janet Jackson’s “Alright” video?
And I wasn’t joking earlier when I asked who Katie Holmes is. I mean, I know who she “is,” she played Pacey on Dawson’s Creek and she’s married to Matthew McConaughey. But those are just the facts. I mean, who is she when America turns on the TV and sees her on So You Think You Can Dance? It has been years since the furor over her supposed “brainwashing,” and now she’s just this thing that exists. A fact. But she’s not really in movies anymore. There was that bit of Broadway musical stunt-casting, which didn’t really work out. This is a real question I am asking here: is she even famous anymore? For anything other than being that lady who got curiously involved with a secretly homosexual space alien from planet Plastic Face a few years ago and had a magical half-Asian baby but no one talks about that now?
Thanks. I’ll take my answer off the air.
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I know I am used to saying dumb and whimsical things here. But can I just say without being a brown-noser or sarcastic that since Lindsay left the posts have still came super fast without compromising quality, while having to do twice the workload. Keep it up Gabe, just thought I would say. Perhaps I have a man-crush. Or perhaps I drank more than I thought.
Oh and I don’t usually do the whole tipster thing but I just heard from a reputable source that Katherine Heigl’s Vagina was the inspiration for the movie Teeth!
this should be called So Katie Holmes Thinks she Can Strike Some Poses, Shake Her Hips a Few Times, And Walk Around in a Dramatic Fashion While Others Around Her Dance.
Yeah exactly…too bad they couldn’t afford lightbulbs for the dozen other dancers behind her because they looked like they were dancing 4 realz. Spunky walking is dancing now? This show is aptly named, I’ll give it that.
Totally, looks like she’s walking on hot sand.
Not enough JAZZ HANDS!
I do watch So You Think You Can Dance because I’m a lady and I enjoy all the flying and magic, but that Katie Holmes bullshit was the worst thing I have seen in a very long time and I WILL stop watching the Dancing (that’s what we call it) if they start to do more bullshitty things like this and Ford Focus commercials. Plus, Dizzy Feet sounds like something alcoholics get, not a charity for poor dancers.
Oh god, why did I watch that?
So You Think You Can Dance alternate title: So You Think You Can Bolster the Career of Already-Fading Starlets By Pretending They Love Dance
Was she in Batman Begins?
The torch has been passed.
This would have been better with auto tune.
Yup, and she turned down the Dark Knight to star in some bomb with Queen Latifah.
I’ve never seen someone in the public eye change so much after just a few short years. She use to seem really smart and independant. I had a huge crush on her in High School. I’m convinced that the old Katie Holmes got into some horrible accident and had to have her brain replaced or something.
You thought she died after Dawson’s Creek? Nope, she just got better. (What?)
Gabe you ignorant slut.
Katie Holmes doesn’t think she can dance…
She knows she can dance!
when i first heard about this (because i’m also a lady who watches this show) i was hoping for a Mia Michaels interpretive dance about the aliens who were dumped by xenu into an earth volcano and ‘sploded into invisible thetans attached to everyone except the crazies. cause after all, isn’t that what dance is about?
See, THIS is why Lord Xenu throws people into volcanoes.
Rufus Wainwright did it better.
He would have OWNED that dance & he would have sung live. And just an FKI (for Katie’s information) your fake singing did not help your terrible dancing situation.
Rufus Wainwright does dance better and sing it live. At least he used to as the encore to his live shows.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDoy2UkhRAE
Rufus Wainwright does it way better. At least he used to as the encore to his live shows.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDoy2UkhRAE
At least she still looks good. Great job, alien overlords!
i also just realized that if Tom Cruise detects any backlash towards Katie’s appearance on SYTYCD, he will purchase his own dance-related reality show! and it will be better than any before it! because nobody puts Katie in a corner!
Woof, I watched that. I’m going to go watch The Evil Dead to purge my brain now.
She’s trying to tell us something, America! Liza Minelli… married to gay man… can’t come out and say it or I might never be allowed outside again… please help me…
Looks like somebody’s overdue for an audit…
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i think tom cruise made sure every male dancer was shorter than her
At least the committed to acting…look at that heavy breathing at the end. She wants you to BELIEVE she can dance.
I feel like as a homosexual (male type), I’m supposed to love a cabaret style dance act featuring a JUDY GARLAND song, but no, Katie actually reversed my genetic trait of being lit up with delight at this song and dance number.
(I don’t actually watch Judy Garland, ever.)
so… you’re not gay then?
This would’ve been way cooler if it was the Partridge Family’s “C’mon Get Happy.” Katie even looks like David Cassidy, only not as foxy.
I always get creeped out by the timing of her public “appearances.” Like her handlers have a “See, we let her out” calendar.
I liked that performance better when Britney Spears did it at the VMAs.
Someone really likes Catherine Zeta-Jones. A lot.
I said big step, big step, small step, stop, shake hips, flip hair, little step, notbig step, big step, stop, flip hair, shake hips, small step! Shudder!
I’m just going to throw this out there. Because it, like Katie Holmes, is something else that exists.
Somehow she manages to be boring even when she is SINGING and DANCING. It’s really amazing, actually.
matthew mcconaughey? buh?
“Obviously, I don’t watch So You Think You Can Dance because I am a grown man”
It’s not obvious, because of all the ‘The Real Housewives of…’ posts, actually. I’m trying to find SOME logic to what you do/don’t watch, but thusfar, it remains elusive…
“Some misguided trophy wife doing Judy Garland songs like she’s trying out desperately for a slot on a sub-par Academy Awards rip-off that will be taping on the abandoned set of Janet Jackson’s “Alright” video?
HILLARIOUS!
Oh, stop being so naive, SHEEPLE! Katie’s been dead for years, that’s just Tom wearing her preserved skin.
I enjoyed the awkward 8th grade play bow at the end.
If it’s Judy Garland’s song then isn’t it a cover rather than “kind of an homage?” If I’m wrong then Jackie Chan’s portrayal of Mr. Miyagi in the new Karate Kid will be an homage to the original portrayal?
katie that is not dancing, that is a poor re-enactment of a scene from Chicago. also, we already have one victoria beckam and its already one too many. please stop. thanks.
Gabe I usually agree with you, but your portrayal of So You Think You Can Dance as a show for people with mediocre talent is entirely incorrect. The dancers on SYTYCD are (for the most part) really incredible, and the show is just really good quality TV.
but anywayz, Katie Holmes = a crossbreed of
and LOL
Judy Garland was known for lifting her shirt to show off her “abs”. It was her signature move. Check the tapes.