OK, sure, maybe those 49 second pizzas aren’t really going to taste very good. And OK, maybe the world’s fastest gun reloader is terrifying even without such a terrifying skill, but with such a terrifying skill he is terrifying to the log 10 power of yikes.And OK, maybe some of this stuff just really doesn’t matter, and the amount of time that it takes you to master getting out of your clothes in seven seconds could probably have been spent doing something else. But, like, what? Reading a book? YOU CAN’T TAKE READING WITH YOU WHEN YOU DIE! Although the cup-stacking thing seriously just gives me a heart-attack. Like, sweat prickles on my neck anytime I see that. I don’t know why it makes me so nervous. And we can argue all day about the potential merits or un-merits of speed undressing, but cup-stacking is some Executive Level Elite Class Time Wasting. But you know what? We all have to make it through the day. Whatever it takes!

And these guys all do that stuff faster than anyone. And that’s something. So quick round of applause for these guys. And then they all have to get back to their just-as-lonely-as-you-might-expect-homes to practice. (Via TheDailyWhat.)

Comments (35)
  1. Why do you have to make fun of them for being awesome? I mean yeah sure, go ahead to an extent it’s fine, but “just-as-lonely-as-you-might-expect-homes “? That’s mean.
    -Jezebel

  2. Murphy Brown  |   Posted on Jul 14th, 2009 +12

    I’m going for it guys…15 claps per second.

  3. Just to reveal how big of a nerd I am, that is clearly the music from Final Fantasy V when you fight Gilgamesh.

  4. That’s nothing. I can still reach orgasm faster than any woman I’m with.

  5. AP  |   Posted on Jul 14th, 2009 +10

    I should be on this video for world’s fastest mute button pusher. horrible music.

  6. I really want to try that speed-undressing technique now. Such style!

  7. You to master getting out of your clothes in seven seconds to become fodder for eccentric Japanese TV shows. Duh!

  8. The best part of this video is how excited the people surrounding the record holders are. That pizza guy has so many fans! I get the whole record-breaking thing for silly tasks. Anything to get my friends to literally jump up and down for me is totally worth it.

    • totally.
      that guy literally got lifted onto his friends’ shoulders like he was rocky.
      that was probably the best day of his life.
      we should all be so lucky.
      also, what a tremendous waste of time.
      c’mon, fast people! let’s be the fastest at solving this health care thing, or the fastest at finding and safely defusing land mines!
      because cup-stacking…wtf, cup-stacking?

  9. Remind me not to read this site while I’m sipping coffee. THANKS, now I have to fastest cleanup my keyboard.

  10. The 14 claps guy looks like he needs A SWIFT KICK IN THE FACE. Maybe it’s just because he’s actually ADDRESSING the camera. But my reaction to all of this is:

    LOL WUET HOLY HELL!!!

  11. Word’s Fastest Realization That the Soundtrack to this Video is A Terrible Dragonforce/Nintendo Metal Band: 18 Seconds in

  12. Great video, though I’m disappointed that we shall never get closure on that Minesweeper game.

  13. Clare  |   Posted on Jul 14th, 2009 +5

    Not to crap all over that guy’s world’s-fastest-parade, but the only one that really didn’t impress me was the pizza one. Is it just me, or did it kind of seem like…we could maybe all do that? The other ones are absolutely insane, pizza boy just took the insanity down a few notches and brought it back to normal everyday “hey, that sure is fast!”

  14. But…what was with the Minesweeper cliffhanger? I could watch that guy not lose immediately at Minesweeper for hours (or at least another 30 seconds). Unsatisfying.

  15. Um, they forgot Leon, the fastest counter (to 10).

  16. One time, in 5th grade gym class, we did a unit on cup stacking. I never was able to stack cups as well as the other kids. My gym teacher tried to hide her exasperation and disdain, but I could still tell she wasn?t too pleased with me. So, I don?t trust that cup stacking kid.

  17. For some unconscionable reason, I’m reminded of the episode of kenan and kel where kel is the fastest at packing groceries. Obviously it was such an entertaining premise that it needed to be reused and made into multiple award winning movie, Employee Of The Month.

  18. Do we think that minesweeper video was accelerated? I mean, the player doesn’t even seem to think. The player just clicks spots as fast as possible. They also seem to be the fastest at perceiving new information revealed from beneath minesweeper tiles…

  19. That’s the music I make love to.

  20. Kent “Toast” French, the World’s Fastest Clapper, is your boyfriend. And he repulses you four times per second.

  21. lauradear  |   Posted on Jul 14th, 2009 +3

    for something all about the worlds fastest this was actually kinda slow

  22. lauradear  |   Posted on Jul 14th, 2009 0

    for something all about the worlds fastest this was actually kinda slow

  23. jason  |   Posted on Jul 14th, 2009 +3

    i hate to be a party pooper, but usain bolt has the world record in the 100 meters not tyson gay

  24. jason  |   Posted on Jul 14th, 2009 0

    i hate to be a party pooper, but usain bolt has the world record in the 100 meters not tyson gay

  25. zik  |   Posted on Jul 14th, 2009 +2

    “just-as-lonely-as-you-might-expect-homes” Yeah because the 100 meter dash guy is clearly a giant loser.

    • Haha. Point taken!

      But by that logic you’re also basically saying that the world’s fastest 100-meter-dash and the world’s fastest soccer goal are EXACTLY EQUAL to the world’s fastest child cup-stacker or the world’s fastest guy taking his pants off. So now who is saying something silly and sounding like a jerk?!

  26. You realize, after watching that, have seen the fastest clappers sex face.

    Live with it.

  27. These people don’t deserve to be in the same video as the rubic’s cube guy. I mean seriously, you can hardly see him taking the stickers off and moving them around. It’s insane.

  28. jimmyjones  |   Posted on Jul 15th, 2009 +2

    I muted the video so i can watch it and listen to New Order’s Regret, and I found it totes appropriate.

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