“Mistakes build character, and character takes you places money cain’t. Jail, for example.”

I will tell you this: if I was sentenced to a year in jail, none of the things that I did in the weeks leading up to my incarceration would involve shooting a video where I pretended like I was in jail. I would probably go out to some fancy dinners, and spend a lot of time with loved ones, but at no point would I get in the car and head to jail for a few hours to make believe that I was in jail. That shit might have seemed really cute to me before I was arrested (for buying all those guns with silencers, sorry!) and put through a months-long, heavily mediatized trial, but it would not seem cute to me now that I was facing 12 months cut off from my family and friends, and perhaps ending my career despite the cultural glorification of imprisonment in the hip hop community (of which I am a part in this hypothetical situation, neat!).

But of course, my theoretical desire to avoid spending any more time in jail than I had to in the theoretical event of being forced to go to jail for crime is just one of the differences between T.I. and myself. Other differences include: the need for lots of guns with silencers or the lack thereof, a working relationship with Mary J. Blige.

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Comments (12)
  1. Gmarley  |   Posted on Jul 14th, 2009

    When I realized my first instinct was to actually draw a scale of “Jailitude” with T.I. and Paris Hilton being the ends of the spectrum, because there WAS a spectrum, I decided it’s time to go to Africa and work with orphans. Love you guys!

  2. “Other differences include: the need for lots of guns with silencers or the lack thereof, a working relationship with Mary J. Blige.”

    Maybe one of those things necessitates the other.

  3. It’s kind of like shoving a Handycam up your butt the night before a colonoscopy.

  4. Don’t Forget Me.
    Remember Me.

    Not, “Don’t forget to remember me.”

    Oh, I nearly forgot to remember!

    Go to jail.

  5. Wow, Gabe. Mary J. Blige still won’t return your calls? What’s the 411?

  6. Paul Cooley  |   Posted on Jul 14th, 2009

    Is it just me is videogum in a different font now?

  7. Yes, T.I.’s relationship with Mary J. Blige may be a working relationship, but as the gossip blogs have made clear again and again your relationship with her is intensely physical, Gabriel.

  8. sandy sicko  |   Posted on Jul 14th, 2009

    I will never not love T.I.P., with his devilish grin and foghorn leghorn accent. That’s my incarcerated boyfriend!!!

  9. These kind of videos always conveniently exclude the buttrape.

  10. john  |   Posted on Jul 25th, 2009

    gabe please get a life,You will never be as successful and charming and wealthy and multi talented like T I so stop fussing about.

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