There are things that young people do in the full flush of youth that can have surprising and unexpected results later in life. It’s not uncommon for someone getting on in years to regret not having taken better care of their body, or wish they had been more conscientious to the medical and familial results of unprotected casual sex, or grimace at the now faded, warped tattoo that they got on a drunken dare in college. I’m not saying there can’t be some pride in these battle scars, but it is often the impulsive decisions we make when we still feel invincible that later stand as near-permanent reminders of just how vincible we actually are.

My point is that one day the ladies from Millionaires are going to look back on their lives, and the whole thing is just going to seem like one giant misshapen discolored tattoo of a hideous spider right on their fucking metaphorical face. (“Thanks” for the tip, Joseph.)

Comments (64)
  1. Carms  |   Posted on Jul 1st, 2009

    wow… seriously?

  2. Fart  |   Posted on Jul 1st, 2009

    What….. the fuck…… was that?

    • sarah palin  |   Posted on Jul 1st, 2009

      When one woman does something, all women do that something. It’s like what Chaka Kahn says!

  3. I suddenly understand misogyny, which makes my misanthropy complete.

  4. Narrowstrife  |   Posted on Jul 1st, 2009

    I think the director’s cut of this video just introduces a lot of unnecessary themes that don’t help deepen the song’s exploration of the dynamics between financial stability and sexual arousal in any meaningful way. I much prefer the original cut’s austere directness to the bloated vamping of the longer edit. Other than that, great song*.

    * Pro-Tools effect.

  5. Bread  |   Posted on Jul 1st, 2009

    That was insane, that is all I can muster right now.

  6. “Let’s invite a bunch of guys to our hotel room, get them wasted, and then humiliate them.” Good thinking!

  7. MGoAndy  |   Posted on Jul 1st, 2009

    Millionaires and Brokencyde toured together. Fuck.

  8. katietherabbit  |   Posted on Jul 1st, 2009

    Yeah, girls. Way to level the playing field! You did it, you showed them!

  9. Jenn  |   Posted on Jul 1st, 2009

    If this isn’t a sign of the apocalypse then I don’t know what is

  10. ben (signing in is messed up?)  |   Posted on Jul 1st, 2009

    Guys, I accidentally had sex with all the girls from Millionaires, what should I do?!

    • Well, the next logical step after getting la-a-a-a-a-aid is clearly to get pa-a-a-a-a-aid, then you get la-a-a-a-a-aid… on second thought, just visit your local clinic, or chop it off and save yourself the drive.

    • allisun  |   Posted on Jul 8th, 2009

      haha whateverrr! you wish!

  11. Is this really made for my generation? Good God. On behalf of my generation, I hereby apologize for this and Brokencyde to Gabe and everyone who posts on this story. This is a total embarrassment.

    • In addition to this, I would like to apologize for every fad/musical success that our generation can be held accountable for, which has inevitably led to Millionaires. I am so, so sorry.

  12. Funtastik  |   Posted on Jul 1st, 2009

    I’ve been doing it wrong this whole time! My next date is drinking champagne from a dog bowl in his underwear. THE CRYSTAL DOES NOT NEED YOUR FINGERPRINTS.

  13. .bryan. (what's going on?)  |   Posted on Jul 1st, 2009

    This is why I hate scene kids. I actually heard of these people about a year ago, around the same time I heard about brokencyde. And that’s when I knew all happiness had gone from the world. These bands(?) are basically dementors.

  14. Kelly  |   Posted on Jul 1st, 2009

    I like how several of their lyrics refer to how terrible they know they are.

  15. Like bryan said above, heard about this band not too long ago. It’s a real shame what passes for music these days….and you think this was bad….listen to their song “Talk Shit”.

  16. Wow… this makes Brokencyde sound good in comparison…

    and no I’m not going to listen to Brokencyde to make sure

  17. chrismcgowan  |   Posted on Jul 1st, 2009

    makes uffie look like missy elliott.

  18. Elliot  |   Posted on Jul 1st, 2009

    I saw about the first five seconds of this video. The rest of it was blocked by the palm of my hand on my face.

    (insert icon of a stick figure looking down at his hands, because this damn site doesn’t like my account today)

  19. theglowing  |   Posted on Jul 1st, 2009

    Being a 1700 year old vampire scientologist vegan, I can tell you that america is starting to look a lot like Rome…when it fell, from bad music.

  20. I’ve been trying to ignore these girls for a year now and now they’re invading my personal e-space.

  21. .bryan. (what's going on?)  |   Posted on Jul 1st, 2009

    zombie bryan, by the way. Not the Other one.

  22. Zingers  |   Posted on Jul 1st, 2009

    Eww. No.. What is this? Just… No.

  23. sarah palin  |   Posted on Jul 1st, 2009

    This is sad. Very sad.

  24. zzyzx can't sign in  |   Posted on Jul 1st, 2009

    So is this song about them getting drunk and buying gigolos? It seems that them getting laid is reliant on their ability to get paid.

  25. Years later when history writes about this chapter it music, it’ll be called “The Dark Ages.” Basically we just threw away all that crap about song-writing and being able to sing and replaced it with white-kids who can’t rap and have a hard-on for auto-tune. I think we can all collectively say: FOL (Fuck Our Life)

  26. Wait guys, I have just received my weekly pay, but I’m having trouble figuring out what I’m supposed to do next.

  27. Betty Friedan is spinning in her grave so fast that she’s condensed into a neutron feminist, also referred to as a pulsorry.

  28. Aaron  |   Posted on Jul 1st, 2009

    Oh god! In Canada, Stereos are really popular and they are terrible! They play them on the radio all the time.
    Wow, Millionaires…where to start. Let’s just say that “Ouch” tag has never been more accurate.

    Also, people at Videogum and Stereogum, why am I not allowed to log in!? The horror!

  29. When I found out all my ex-girlfriends had formed a band I knew it was going to be bad. I never imagined it would be this bad.

  30. If you watch that video with the sound muted and Animal Collective playing it is actually less unbearable.

    I’d certainly like to gut these symbols of corporate greed in music and festoon their entrails about MTV studios.

  31. todd gack  |   Posted on Jul 1st, 2009

    fuckin’ thing sucks.

  32. In Chile (Country in South America that is), the emo/Smasheveryothergenreyou can has evolved into a band name Kudai… heres the video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1EfBs7LbogA. Its like My Chemical Romance meets Jonas Brothers Meets Gloria Estefan

    • dangerobby  |   Posted on Jul 1st, 2009

      Major Estefanage, but where’s the bit that sounds like My Chem? I was waiting and it never came.

  33. monica  |   Posted on Jul 1st, 2009

    this just may be the worst song i’ve ever heard.

  34. smiles  |   Posted on Jul 1st, 2009

    I just got through the whole thing. This must be what watching Salo feels like.

  35. haha, that sounded like vomit

  36. oh man.. so this is ACTUALLY a thing now.. it’s not just brokencyde sucking out their on a limb.. all by their lonesome..

    this depresses me.. i knew as i got older and werthers hard candier that new fangled muzik would stink.. but i didn’t know it would be this bad..

  37. I can’t. I just can’t.

  38. Gabe, now I understand why you wanted to stop fake rap. Without fake rap I don’t believe this would ever happen.

  39. I love it! It’s a total minstrel show and honestly no worse than most of the shit rap videos out there featuring guys doing the same thing with strippers. Except uh some of them actually have access to decent music.

  40. dave  |   Posted on Jul 2nd, 2009

    “no talent just lucky but they still wanna fuck me”
    - somebody’s daughter

  41. disgruntled hipster no. 416  |   Posted on Jul 2nd, 2009

    I rarely speak in hyperbole (note: I always speak in hyperbole) but I can safely say, without a hint of it, without any exaggeration, that this is the worst song I have ever endured in my life. Ever. And I don’t just mean “The Worst”. I mean, hands down, the worst, the absolute worst.

    My life will now forever be divided from the point before I heard Millionaires, and the time after, when I get the shakes every once in awhile, when my friends stop asking me to go to shows because “you’ve changed, man”, when I lash out at my girlfriend for unknown reasons, because I’m just in a really fragile state right now, Amy, and you don’t understand, no one understands what I’ve gone through. No one GETS it.

    Thanks a lot, Gabe.

  42. blah  |   Posted on Jul 2nd, 2009

    Every hooker knows you get the money before the sex. You’re not allowed to make statements about the portrayal of use of women in music videos if you sound like that. It’s a rule. If you don’t like this or Brokencyde, listen to a group called Hollywood Undead. I dare you.

  43. Where is the member of the band whose biggest contribution to the band is “fog machine and lights”?

  44. Proud father of one of the girls in millionaires  |   Posted on Jul 2nd, 2009

    Man I knew my daughter would be something one day, singing songs about getting paid and getting laid, thats my girl!

  45. Proud father of one of the girls in millionaires  |   Posted on Jul 2nd, 2009

    Man I knew my daughter would be something one day, singing songs about getting paid and getting laid, thats my girl!

  46. So.
    This is either an important and interesting sociocultural document, in that girls are bending gender stereotypes and behaviours, bringing them to their most extreme conclusions to show the patriarchal recording industry the error of its ways, or it’s a COMPLETE PIECE OF SHIT.

  47. "I cant sign in like everyone else" kate  |   Posted on Jul 3rd, 2009

    that one girl really likes hats

  48. emily  |   Posted on Jul 6th, 2009

    I now have this song stuck in my head. Thanks.

    (cause i just got pa-a-a-a-a-aid, let’s get la-a-a-a-a-aid)

  49. pajamasquid never signed in before so why bother now?  |   Posted on Jul 6th, 2009

    I just took a shower and now I feel dirty. Great. I need to go scrub my brain out with hydrochloric acid.

  50. Who plays this music? Where does it come from? I know it’s not on MTV and okay, I admit that I’m 25 going on 50 and the only radio I listen to in the car is NPR, but I CANNOT fathom stations playing this. Are stations playing this? Or is this the final straw in the internet’s “shut it down” coffin?

  51. PANDA  |   Posted on Jul 18th, 2009

    Word on the street is that they play warped tour, brokencyde plays warped tour. This leaves me with the dilemma, who do I throw water balloons at?

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