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You know who uses dry, ordinary toilet paper? Poor people. Introducing Aaah?, a revolutionary new product that allows you to squirt a dollop of aloe-infused foam onto your toilet paper, making your toilet paper a little bit damp. And it fits in your purse, your gym bag, your lunchpail, your briefcase, your suitcase, your bathroom, your mansion, or your RV. You can take it anywhere. No more being embarrassed by using regular old not-even-a-little-bit-damp-with-aloe-foam toilet paper. And the best part is, you’re not just saving your butt, you’re saving the environment. Supposedly! I think the math works out if you use 10 boxes of Wet Wipes a day. You should definitely stop doing that.

“There’s nothing so common as toilet paper everywhere.”
–Max Appel’s Tombstone

I don’t know how much they paid for those computer graphics showing how Aaah works, but it was too much. This whole thing is an exercise in explaining the obvious. Like, I know how when you put wet stuff on dry stuff it makes the dry stuff also be wet. And I also know what my options are when it comes to carrying around and storing a small bottle. Pro-tip: you will need something larger than the bottle to carry the bottle in, or something flat to rest the bottle on top of. I’m going to invent a protective leather Aaah case, because I’m a genius, too. (Thanks for the tip, Chadwick.)

Comments (37)
  1. And I thought I couldn’t miss Billy Mays more than I already did.

  2. I want to know why he was chasing that little girl with toilet paper foam.

  3. i like to think that the defeated shrug and shake-of-the-head after dropping the 7(! count ‘em 7!) boxes of wet wipes was not only a stellar actor’s committed in-character reaction to having to haul an overwhelming amount of sanitary products – but also the man himself in a nod to the audience signalling the downward spiral of his *career*.
    2 for the price of 1! :(

  4. “You control the wetness”

  5. You control the wetness!

  6. So its able to be placed on top of the tank OR next to the toilet???? What a versatile product! How were they able to engineer that??

  7. If only my poo were purple wax, then this product would be of use to me.

  8. “Oh my God, I dropped all those wipes ’cause there’s just too many of them! Did you see that? Did you see me struggle with those and lower my manhood by carrying a bunch of wipes? Haha!”

  9. “It just makes sense to use that wetness to clean where it really counts because logic.”

  10. I think the math works out if you use 10 boxes of Wet Wipes a day. You should definitely stop doing that.

    Or seek medical attention…or wear incontinence pads.

  11. is anyone else really excited about the advancements in personal (ass) hygiene? First the reach around fat ass wiping extender arm (i think that is what it was called) and now the foaming gross cleaner. Hooray for technology :(

    • Future's so bright..  |   Posted on Jun 30th, 2009 +9

      …and even if you’re not a fat ass; the wiping extender arm does a great job of reaching up under your Snuggie when nature calls.

  12. Terrence Howard is crying tears…of joy.

  13. am not going near the stuff stuff unless it has a pleasant pine fresh aroma. that is what we all need. scented butt holes!

  14. To think, all this time I’ve been lizzing on my toilet paper just before I wipe. I’m so ashamed.

  15. Whoa whoa whoa. Are those CGI gray valleys at :19 supposed to be anal wrinkles?! Between that, his embroidered polo, the repeated saying of “Aaah,” and the dropping of multiple wet wipe boxes, I am declaring this the most off-putting commercial I have ever seen. Please don’t try to prove me wrong, because I can’t take anything worse than “love at first wipe.” Someone wrote that and made that man say it! COME ON!

  16. Kelly  |   Posted on Jun 30th, 2009 +8

    We get that seven is too many boxes of wipes, guy, you don’t need to throw that shit everywhere. The point was illustrated by you simply holding them.

  17. Squagel Baker  |   Posted on Jun 30th, 2009 +8

    “Hey old man; here’s you wipin’ your ass: tear, wipe. So Dry! Boo Hoo.” “Here’s my generation’s toilet paper: tear, squirt. Aaah!”

  18. Pteranodon  |   Posted on Jun 30th, 2009 +8

    I used to believe in love at first wipe…

  19. Ugah  |   Posted on Jun 30th, 2009 +5

    “I really love the product“.

  20. Aaron  |   Posted on Jun 30th, 2009 +26

    “There’s nothing so common as toilet paper everywhere.”
    Toilet paper everywhere!? Where does this guy live? Gross, you should have totally flushed that toilet paper by now.

  21. Sharkleberry  |   Posted on Jun 30th, 2009 +4

    And lo, the satisfied customers were said to have exclaimed “Aaah!” from the gentle aloe caress they felt as they wiped fecal matter from their rectums.

  22. great for your a-hole and your b-hole!
    /sorry

  23. Aaah? More like AAAAAAAAAAAAH.

  24. This is something people do? Struggle with wet wipe boxes and worry about having portable products to dampen their toilet paper?

  25. Have trouble holding 7 boxes of wet wipes? My improv classes are sooooo paying off! Look who’s the loser now, Dad!

  26. Annie  |   Posted on Jul 1st, 2009 +1

    lunchpail?

  27. Chadwick  |   Posted on Jul 1st, 2009 0

    You are quite welcome.

  28. Caracticus  |   Posted on Jul 6th, 2009 0

    All your wetness are belong to us.

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