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Sorry guys. It’s barely even lunchtime (as if there would ever be a good time for this). This is awful and inappropriate. It is also hilarious. Usually, of course, Videogum does not cover “blind items” because we can barely deal (on an existential level) with regular celebrity gossip, much less secret coded celebrity gossip that involves guessing. Isn’t the whole point of celebrity gossip to distract people from the dull misery of their own lives? And now I am supposed to intellectually engage with this garbage? No thank you! But this blind item is pretty incredible. From Popbitch (via Gawker):
Which huge 90s comedy star wasn’t just a star of the TV screen – he also had a special treat for his partner? On special occasions he’d agree to proclaim his famous catch-phrase, as he came on his partner’s face.
Hahah. Gross. But also amazing.
“What’s the deal with the cum on your face?”
–Jerry Seinfeld
This is basically Best New Party Game After Hours.
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“Did I do that?” – Urkel
“D’oh!” Dan C.
“Could there BE any more cum on your face?” – Matthew Perry
But seriously it actually probably is “Have Mercy!” – John Stamos.
I really hope it’s Urkel.
Oh my god you win awesome shut it down.
Uncle Jessie. Game over.
There is no doubt in my mind that it is definitely, positively Urkel.
Ha ha, it’s either Perry or Matt LeBlanc….”How YOU doin?”
Not that this necessarily debunks the story, but there was a version of this (sort of) in both Party Down and Extras.
I think Earl Hindman (Wilson) is dead, so it might have to be pretty extreme
“Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!” -Tim Allen
Or maybe Wilson “Howdy neighbor!”
“Nooooooooooooooooooorm! You came on my face.”
Weasin’ the juice all over your face, buuuuuddy!
“woah!”: Joey Lawrence
or
“how YOU doing” Joey on Friends
“I’m down here in the well! Cum n get me!” – Baby Jessica
Not the mama.
(Because of what a HUGE comedy star we all know the guy who did the voice for the baby in Dinosaurs was.)
What guy?
“Connect the dots, lalalalala.” – Pee Wee Herman
The way this item is written it seems as if the famous gentleman in question would have to be coerced into shouting his catchphrase. Which makes me sort of sad for him.
But anyway, yeah, it’s totally Urkel.
Seacrest Out! (prob on a dude thou)
if only this was from the right decade it would work on so many different levels
“Don’t call me Squirt!” – Michelle Tanner
“Whoa” — Joey Lawrence (Clearly the “hugest” 90s sitcom star)
“Damn Gina”– Martin Lawrence
“Zac Attack”– Zac Morris
“It’s Tool Time” — Tim “the toolman” Taylor
Ok so not a comedy star but “Bam!” – Emeril
If it’s not “Hello, Newman” then I’m gonna be super pissed.
“Bam!” – Emeril
“Serenity Now” – Jerry Stiller
“Serenity Now” – Jason Alexander
well that line is ruined forever.
Make it so!
“Woah!” – Joey Lawrence, Blossom
Phil Hartman – Hi I’m troy McClure, you may remember me from such things as the cum on your face.
“Thank you for being A FRIEnd!!!!!” -Bea Arthur(R.I.P)
(What am I…at a Comedy Central Roast?)
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
“I’m Bill O. Reilly.”
SHIIIIIIIIIIT – Clay Davis
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Tim Allen’s grunts from Home Improvement.
“HAMMERTIME”
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Now You’re a Redneck!
“Tough-guy ‘Home Improvement’ grunt” – Tim Allen
woah.
-joey, blossom
“Talk to the cum on your face” – Martin Lawrence
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
“Oh my God they came on Kenny!”
“You bastards!”
..with apologies to my doomed soul: “Pow! Right in the kisser..”
“Did somebody say… WOOD?” Dave Coulier
“Grunt grunt grunt” – Tim Allen
Obviously it’s “Hey, Preppie.”
Obviously it’s “Hey, Preppie.”
“*grunting*” – Tim Allen
“Hey, Preppie.”
I know it doesnt really fit, but isn’t “Behold the power of cheese!” an amazing option here?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUTXZAaSkLI
Please please please let it be “did I do that?”
My vote is for “how YOU doin’?”
I really hope it’s Kelsey Grammer singing the Frasier theme song. It gives a whole new spin on the phrase “tossed salad and scrambled eggs.”
“Eat my shorts.” — Scientologist voice actor Nancy Cartwright, using her Bart Simpson voice
“Whoa” – Joey Lawrence
“Woah” –Joey Lawrence
“Don’t be ridiculous!” –Bronson Pinchot
“Hey now!” –Hank Kingsley
“Schwing!” –Mike Myers
“Here it is, your moment of zen.” –Craig Kilborn
the tim allen ohw ah ow grunt, followed by MORE POWER
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How about, Jimmy Fallon inappropriately laughing while he’s cumming on your face.
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Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
WHOOOOOA!
-Joey Lawrence
(my brain is ruined picturing this)
“Dude.” – Hurley
“And now we do the dance of joy.” – Balki Bartokomous
How you doin’?!
Court adjourned!
-Harry Anderson
Maybe it’s Tim Allen and it’s that stupid grunting sound he makes.
I think Jim Carrey has five penises and would peel off the condom(s) right before coming and yell “Like a glove!”
Helloooooo, Newman!
“This is how I came on your mothers face.”
-Josh Radnor/Bob Saget
“WOAH!” Is that you spell that, Joey Lawrence?
disregarding the 90s tv comedy rules a bit
“show me the money shot” -Jerry macguire
“pow! Right in the kisser” – the honeymooners
“cum up your nose from a rubber hose”(what?) – welcome back kotter
Come on now. You can already see Joey Lawrence WOAH-ing that shit up, still to this day.
“Grunt, grunt, grunt.” – Tim Allen?
Fee-eee-eee-eeeee-eee-ney!
No, but i seriously hope with all my heart that it isn’t “Show me the money.”
It is definitely John Stamos, but not “Have mercy”… he used “DON’T touch the hair”
That’s the spooge, and I’m outta here!
missed it by that much
I could cum up with (500) of these.
This is not a celebrity story. It’s a story about a celebrity.
“Serenity now!”
get it, its funny cause hes old…
I thought about Tim “the Toolman” Taylor grunting and I threw up in my mouth.
or is it “I was in the POOL!!!”
cause its ironic?
“Whoa” – Joey Lawrence
In our defense, the site was working improperly. I’m certain that most of us were looking at a blank slate when we posted these duplicates.
“It’s JUST that easy!” — Gallagher
“Uh oh, spaghetti-O’s” — TV cop show Homer Simpson
“*grunting*.” – Tim Allen
“well, isn’t that special?”-church lady.
“whoa!”-joey lawrence.
probably not. but worth noting.
My favorite guesses in the Gawker comments are “NOT THE MAMA!” and “SERENITY NOW!” But since, as yet another commenter points out, this is a suspiciously gender-neutral blind item, the answer is probably something more along the lines of?ugh, sorry?”JUST JACK!”
“Whoa!” – Joey Lawrence from Blossom
Gotta be Joey Lawrence, from Blossom.
“Whoa!”
“Shwing!” – Mike Myers (while wearing the Wayne wig and hat)
“My sticky load on your face, plus Andy Rooney, tonight on 60 Minutes.” – Mike Wallace
But I really think its this: “How you doin?” – Matt LeBlanc
I tried but i couldn’t remember any catchphrases.
Does Kramer burst into the room shouting ‘eeeeyaaagh’ and then cums on someone’s face?
“Eat My Shorts”
Hey baby I hear the blues a-callin’ “tossed salad and scrambled eggs”
LOL at the Seinfeld suggestion.
“Show me the money!” Cuba Gooding Jr.
Ehh-uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh – Tim Allen
He was probably high on coke anyway.
I’m thinking Joey Lawrence going “Whoaaa!” or Tim Allen doing that grunting thing.
“Whoa!” – Joey Lawrence
“How YOU doing?” – Matt Leblanc
What time is it? Tool Time.
WHOA! – Joey Lawrence
also from Seinfeld:
This cum is making me thirsty.
“Sit on it!” – The Fonz
“Whoa!” — Joey Lawrence
“Whatever the fuck grunting sound” –Tim Allen
“How you doin’?” — Matthew Perry
Obviously, it’s the animatronic Baby Sinclair from Dinosaurs: “Not the mama.”
See, ’cause she can’t get pregnant. ‘Cause of the face thing.
Response line from Jessie Spano: “I’m so excited!”
ARH ARH ARH ARH AHR-
tim allen
“Whoa!” – Joey Lawrence
“Here it is, your moment of Zen.” – Craig Kilborn/Jon Stewart
There can be only one… load on your face, – Duncan Macleod
“Bam!” Emeril Legasse’s cooking show is/was comedy, right?