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In a recent interview with Empire magazine (via /Film), Winona Ryder insisted that a Heathers sequel is in the works. Um, why? That movie is great, and doesn’t really demand a sequel. Also, it is 14,000 years old.
Whatever you hear there is a sequel in the works, I swear to God. But for some reason [screenwriter] Dan [Waters] and [director] Michael [Lehman] don’t want to talk about it. I’ve been wanting to do a sequel forever. There is a story, and Christian has agreed to come back as a kind of Obi-Wan character.
Woof. I know it is stupid to get worked up about a rumor, much less a rumor from a CONVICTED FELON, but a lot of things are stupid. This is stupid. Moving on: on the one hand, it is (barely) reassuring that it’s the same team putting together this completely unnecessary project, rather than some Hollywood monkey. On the other hand “Christian has agreed to come back as a kind of Obi-Wan character”? We are going to need a bigger UGH.
But, OK. Heathers 2. Sure. So what should the tagline be for this movie that probably doesn’t/will never even exist?
- Heathers 2: Teenage Suicide, Don’t Space Do It, In Space
- Heathers 2: Drano Nights
- Heathers 2.0: What’s Your Damage.com
- Heathers 2: I Still Love My Dead Gay Son
- Heathers 2: Mean Girls 2
Lame. Do better.
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it should be called ‘heather.’
Heathers 2: The Saggening
Heathers 2: The Real Heathers of Chicago
Heathers 2: In Which We Fuck Our Audience with a Chainsaw, But Not Gently
Have we still not learned what a tagline is?
A helpful reference: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tagline
Professor Tagline, tenured.
Truly honored. A bit of a dick move, sure, but I had to say something.
To myself:
Heathers 2: Relax, “technoheather”.
Heathers 2: Two Twheathers Two Twurious
heathers 2: blow me
Heathers 2: …Fuck Me in the Face Until I Die. Jesus Christ…
H2Oh the Humanity
Heathers 2: The Taking of Westerberg High 1 2 3
or
Heathers 2: Fast Times at Westerberg High
either way.
this is an awful idea. i really hope Ryder is as unreliable a source as i think she is…
Heathers 2: Corn Nuts’ Revenge
Gossip Girl presents: Heathers
with the GG cast, you know, to attract young audiences
also, call me if anyone talks about a Clueless sequel so i can make that joke yet again
Winona finally shows her tits
How’s Slater going to work this into his ‘My Own Worst Enemy’ schedule?
Heathers Two: Right?!
“Lick up the puke that is this sequel.”
Heathers 2: No
Heathers 2: We’re Really Sorry
Heathers 2: We Have Families Too, Okay?
Heathers 2:
We still have an open door policy for assholes
Bulimia is so 2007
Martha Dumptruck’s revenge
Don’t patronize the bunny rabbits
Heathers 2: Putting Food on Our Families
Heather 2: This Movie is Your Damage
I have a feeling that “put food on their families” will continue to be hilarious for at least 250 years. We’ll be forced to pretend it’s not funny for about a week after Dubya dies, but we’ll really just be pretending.
We can’t laugh at an unnecessary war, an economy in tatters, or an environment that will ensure the demise of the human race… but we can laugh at that, dammit.
I guess we’ll take what we can get.
Heathers 2: Out of Work
Heathers 2: Die Harder
I don’t believe you Winona Ryder. You’re sneaky and I didn’t realize you were Spock’s mother in Star Trek until I read about it in the paper. And fuck the sequel machine for fucking something I actually love.
Well I’d say this pretty much tops my list of ‘what[was brilliant before]‘s even left [to completely fuck up] at this point?’ Game, set, match. Die.
heathers 2: more croquet, more pate
Heathers 2: In It To Clique It
Heathers 2: Remington U
Heathers 2: 2 Morose 2 Motor
Heathers 2: general shoplifting-related weirdness
Heathers 2: Because you’re an idiot.
Heathers 2: What’s your mortgage?
Um, is no one going to address “Christian [Slater] has agreed to come back as a kind of Obi-Wan character.”???! Cause, no.