The trailer for Woody Allen’s new movie, Whatever Works, you guys:

Oh
Hell
No.

No offense to the Elder Gods, and Woody Allen has earned his place in a bulletproof plexiglass display at the Museum of Legends, but it looks like someone should have stayed in London making weird pseudo-thrillers. This looks worse than Scoop! And Scoop was terrible! I know that I’m not the target audience for an aging comedian past his prime looking to make a case for his unsettling romantic life, because I like jokes that are actually funny, and although I do think that people should do whatever they want to find happiness in this world, marrying their step-children seems like a really solid exception. But we’re gonna need a bigger WOOF.

The set looks like an off-broadway production of Catwalk: The Musical, Bertolt Brecht is rolling in his grave at the sophomoric use of Verfremdungseffekt*, and those southern accents are straight out of True Blood.

Not to mention that “God is a decorator” gay joke. Whoops! He phoned that one in so hard he broke it.

I got you something, Woody Allen.

It’s chocolate.

*College graduate. JEALOUS?

Comments (58)
  1. Evan Rachel Wood should fit in just FAHN in her recurring role in True Blood.

  2. To bad you just gave TMZ all the Pulitzers because you should win one for the title of this article.

  3. sarah palin  |   Posted on May 8th, 2009 -1

    bad fake southern accents are always bad, but leave it to good ol’ woody makes sure to caricature southerners accurately, with their constant praying.
    it’s sad though, woody should really stop making movies. match point is one of my favorites of his but he should have stopped there. scoop was god awful, cassandra’s dream was absolutely terrible, this looks really fucking bad.

  4. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  5. I like that clip of Larry David walking through a closed window.

  6. Verfremdungseffekt*. Cause c’mon. Verfremdungseffect? Musta gone to a saftety school. Also my premature thoughts: thumbs down.

    *College dropout.

  7. Ben (I will make a Videogum account sooooon)  |   Posted on May 8th, 2009 +7

    Woody Allen is all “Larry David is this generation’s me, except his kvetchy and neurotic misanthrope is actually relatable because he’s played to a believable perfection” and thinks “I’ve got it, all we need to do it ham it up and have his character yell at little kid’s he beats in chess, PERFECT!”

  8. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • That One  |   Posted on May 8th, 2009 -2

      Mia Farrow and Woody were never married, so it’s more like marrying your girlfriend’s daughter. And she was 21 when they got involved. Slimeball move? Hell yes, one of the worst. But it’s not as creepy as everyone thinks.

  9. Will  |   Posted on May 8th, 2009 -3

    This looks awesome. I laughed five or six times. You people are idiots.

  10. I can’t wait for the “Larry David caught making out with Evan Rachel Wood” rumors.

  11. I think Woody might have written this 10 years ago and been waiting to push it on to some unwitting sap (Larry David). Religious zealotry! Fish out of water! Token gay joke! And that first part where Larry David is talking to the camera? OUCH.

    Can we all just agree that (some) of his older catalog is genius but he’s officially jumped the shark and should stay home with Soon-Yi and spend his time pretending that isn’t weird? Please?

  12. zik  |   Posted on May 8th, 2009 -11

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  13. At least he got off of ScarJo for a minute.

  14. 1. I want to like this movie, because I really really like Larry David. Because I’m from the CT suburbs, my desire to want to like this movie will overwhelm the harsh reality that this movie sucks, and I will laugh, even when not amused just to prove my distorted worldview is true.

    2. My wife just last month said of Even Rachel Wood “So, when’s she gonna be Woody Allen’s next movie doll?” Damn, she’s good.

  15. Is there ANY trailer that you guys have ever liked AT ALL?

    I mean I like the site and all, but every week there’s a new trailer with the description “Oh hell no” attached to it. Its like, unless its got Paul Rudd in it, it’s crap automatically.

    Or is it that you just hate trailers?

  16. Wait, what?? That looks pretty deece. The reoccurring joke about pitching for the Yankees, and “Why do all the religious psychotics wind up praying at my doorstep?”.
    I’m a bit of a Woody Allen apologist, but that does not look “Oh. Hell. No.” bad. at. all.

  17. To be fair, it’s not Gabe who thinks Paul Rudd walks on water but Lindsay. The rest of us scratch our heads about that love for a modestly funny comedian.

    • I think he would actually be classified as very talented actor. Modestly funny comedian is more of a Jim Gaffigan label.

  18. Sara  |   Posted on May 8th, 2009 0

    I loved Scoop and I will love this! It is a shitty trailer, though. I will give you that.

  19. “Botanically speaking, you’re more of a Venus fly trap”. FART.
    Woody Allen has made some of my favorite movies, but dear god in heaven, this looks so stage play.

  20. this really doesn’t look that bad to me. maybe i’m biased, but i’ll be there.

  21. zach  |   Posted on May 8th, 2009 +3

    What was so bad about that? I don’t get it. What’s not to like about Larry David?

  22. Even Rachel Woof

  23. monkey  |   Posted on May 8th, 2009 +1

    It just wasn’t clever. I thought Woody Allen was supposd to be clever? I mean thats why people like him right? Thats the only time I like him anyway.

  24. the weird thing is that it all seemed so familiar– definitely like a retread or a long-sat-upon script (like mcluskyist wrote). i quickly switched from focusing on the offensive stereotypes to thinking this is just one big F.U. to his whole audience: “so long, suckers!” but i wonder if he has any idea that he’s flipping us the bird from the bottom of an open grave.

  25. eric.  |   Posted on May 8th, 2009 +5

    I’m not saying it looks GREAT, but I don’t think it looks that bad. I’d rather have Woody Allen doing this than the other crap he’s been up to lately. And, frankly, if he’s going back to “Breaking the Third Wall Comedy About Awkward Character Who is Clearly Just a Thinly Veiled Depiction of Woody Allen Himself” territory, I’d rather have Larry David standing in there than fucking Jason Biggs. What the fuck was THAT all about?

  26. eric.  |   Posted on May 8th, 2009 +22

    Fourth Wall. Obviously that was supposed to say Fourth Wall. Unless this is a comedy about the Kool Aid Man, in which case break all the fucking walls. OH YEAH!

    I’ll just show myself out…

  27. HB  |   Posted on May 8th, 2009 +3

    Uggghh. Woody Allen is now stealing from himself. The whole “I’m gonna die, not today but someday!” thing is straight Hannah and Her Sisters. Only you know, back when it was good.

  28. joshua  |   Posted on May 8th, 2009 +1

    well, I’m gonna enjoy it anyway.

  29. GOB  |   Posted on May 8th, 2009 +8

    Way to go Woody, stereotypes are fun! Maybe next time it could perverted old Jewish men with a thing for Asian girls who always land at his door… and the Asian girls are good at math but bad at driving! Just like in real life!

  30. Ofb  |   Posted on May 8th, 2009 0

    Jesus Woody what the fuck. Seriously you couldn’t just shit on your own legacy you have to shit all over Larry David’s too? Honestly the last good thing he made was Sweet and Lowdown and that was 10 years ago.

  31. Awww, sorry guys, but fuck you. Larry David and Woody Allen have enough credit built up to do whatever they want.

  32. Anyone else just happy to see that ERW and Larry David aren’t hooking up in this movie? Looks like she gets to have a boyfriend kind of her own age, no one gets shot, and no one butcher’s The Beatles! Finally, she’s in a movie I might actually see (by renting for free from the library, obvs).

  33. Didn’t he do that exact same “I’m dying…someday” routine on that exact same staircase in Hannah and Her Sisters?

    • yes. he did. only I liked it that time. and it was internal monologue.

      • Me too. If Larry David tries and fails to shoot himself afterwards (Before hooking up with his ex-wife’s sister) in this one then Woody Allen is dead to me. Which sucks because I’ll have to change my dogs name.

  34. He also directed Vicki/Christina/Barcelona recently.

    I agree, this looks bad. But he’s not completely down and out. It’s kind of silly to tell an artist to hang up their hat, even if they’ve had a few (okay, more than a few) flops.
    Anyone with me!???

  35. Woof from dung’s effect, I think you mean.

    Is there a roast somewhere in the future with…somebody kind like…nobody to just gently put him into retirement so we can still enjoy Annie Hall and Whores from Mensa short stories and just, you know, let that be?

  36. The worst thing about Woody Allen is that his new movies aren’t even bad, they’re just complete and utter blah.

  37. chris  |   Posted on May 10th, 2009 -1

    personally, i think that match point and vicki cristina are two of allen’s best, so i cannot imagine what would compel anyone to suggest he hang up his hat. that said, this movie does not look particularly good; but there are worse things in the universe than a new woody allen movie.

  38. To be fair, when he walked out through those bay windows, that was funny.

  39. You know it’s going to be whimsical and hi-larious from the anachronistic jazz over the whole trailer! Yeah, funny music = funny movie!

  40. Wow  |   Posted on May 13th, 2009 -1

    It is so great how all y’all folks in the intertubetry can criticizate this here LEGEND OF CINEMA, with all yer fancy-schmancy opinions, and still never do anything remotely worthwhile in your personal life.

    This is why I hate blogging. Suddenly I get to see everyone’s stinking asshole.

    Shut your flopping masticators. Don’t see the movie. Go make a better one.
    (also, this is my fault for coming here)

  41. donnywhallberg  |   Posted on May 15th, 2009 0

    Oh wow, this website gets worse and worse.
    you guys are the nadir of humanity.

  42. dang  |   Posted on May 15th, 2009 +1

    I used to like Videogum but you guys are falling into the trap of mistaking snark for comedy. If i want a website that’s nothing but a bunch of dumbasses who think they’re way more perceptive and amusing than they really are hating on everything in site I’d just stick with the talkbacks on Aint It Cool News. Come on… you can do better than this stupid obvious crap…. can’t you?

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