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You guys, I have great news! The wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are over! The economy is not only back on track, but it’s made a startling recovery this morning and is now stronger than it was before the crisis! Now we can finally get around to the REAL NEWS. From TMZ:

He was simply trying to bleach the hair around his batcave for a movie role — when Sacha Baron Cohen reportedly broke out in a rash so bad, he couldn’t sit for days.

Several British reports claim Cohen, who was prepping to play “Bruno” in his upcoming Borat-style flick, was taken to a hospital after experiencing what sources are saying was a “burning sensation that spread.”

Those who have ever hit Taco Bell at 3 in the morning know the feeling…

THOSE WHO HAVE EVER HIT TACO BELL AT 3 IN THE MORNING KNOW THE FEELING. Sorry, journalists, we’ve already given TMZ all the Pulitzers this year. Better luck next time.

Woof, I’m sorry. Why are we even talking about this? Is the suicide store closed? The suicide store must be closed. Open! Open! Open!

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Comments (4)
  1. Did I just get Mervyn’s rolled? Now I feel dirty. And cheap. And poorly lit.

  2. I can’t believe a trusted news source like TMZ is covering such celebrity schlock. Next thing you know Videogum will drop its coverage of the Swine Flu Epidemic and focus on cat videos, Paul Rudd sightings, and racism.

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