Everywhere today: this guy ranting about his special business card that it took him 25 years to design. At some point, you stop caring about the business card and realize this guy had to not be a fun time for those poor towheaded children in the family photos. Then you see the card and laugh:

“I bring crowds.” It’s funny ’cause it’s true today — internet crowds. Yeah, this could have been the inspiration for that hilarious American Psycho business card motif (“white.”) but the same could stand, especially at the end, for Will Ferrell’s “I drive a Dodge Stratus!” dad on SNL. Only much, much scarier.

Comments (21)
  1. blah  |   Posted on Apr 9th, 2009 +17

    My business card requires a decoder ring, smells like your girlfriend who I did last night and can kill small children if handled incorrectly.

    Dude…its a business card.

  2. His penis is die-cut. His penis is foil stamped. His penis took him 25 years to design. His penis doesn’t fit in a vagina because it doesn’t belong in a vagina. Even if you don’t like him you will not throw his penis away. His penis builds crowds! Gauranteed!

  3. This guy is a is a little reminiscent of American Psycho. “That’s bone.”

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    • You’ve discovered how to use the image tag! Really, I’m excited for you. But you don’t need to use it every time you post.

      Sincerely,
      Your Friendly Neighborhood Jerk-Off, But Seriously Come On Now

  4. This guy’s a card maker… WOW, I’M IMPRESSED.

  5. Also, during my CatDog commercial break I got my ass up and made his card on illustrator. Funny, in this day and age 25 years = 2.5 minutes. SUCK ON THAT Baron von Cardouche.

  6. BLT  |   Posted on Apr 9th, 2009 +4

    Make fun all you want, but THAT HAIR. That hair… Gotta respect that hair… It’s money.

    Third prize: you’re fired.

  7. A REAL LIFE GOB BLUTH!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EcC3mj3oYw
    they are like twins.

  8. Nick  |   Posted on Apr 9th, 2009 +4

    “You don’t spend the money until you’ve made the money, and then you only spend a percentage of it.”

    Are we sure this isn’t a 30 Rock line?

  9. If this guys entire client base is four year olds with a hunger for pop up books, he is fucking set.

  10. blah  |   Posted on Apr 9th, 2009 +11

    He failed to mention he’s the CEO of Femskins

  11. The only thing his card is missing is when you open it it should start playing Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen or at least Lollipop by Lil Wayne.

  12. Why throw away something so Hi-larious? “Hey Bob, check out this stupid-ass business card this guy just gave me. I’m putting it up on the bulletin board for everyone to see. You wanna get lunch?”

    • “let’s call this guy and tell him we hate him and then hang up”

      “that’s why you’re the man, bob. hand me the phone.”

  13. This video is causing me to experience a serious existential crisis.

    What do I do… GUARANTEED? I honestly can’t name a single thing, unless “disappoint” counts.

  14. 60lb Strathmore? What is this, amateur hour?

  15. Sad: when he started talking about paper I was all “that’s probably 60 lb strathmore.” I’ve been working too hard.

    Doesn’t this guy know that photoshop and print shops exist? Boom: colored business card. also if he gave me one of these and it didn’t fit in my wallet/rolodex, I would throw it out.

  16. This is kind of a weird coincidence, but i just came across this list of 50 Creative Business Cards, and every single one puts his to shame (not to mention lacks his pretentiousness)

  17. feofua  |   Posted on Apr 10th, 2009 +1

    Didn’t it seem like this was intentionally made as a joke? Companies worth $10,000 a year?

  18. Holy shit that guy’s card is a pop-up book.

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