LOL. Lots Of Love. OK. That is not a very good tagline. Especially for a movie that pretends like it’s about to excitetrocute your brain with funtricity. But surely they could have come up with an even worse Crank 2 tagline. HMM, THAT GIVES ME AN IDEA FOR A BLOG POST!

A List of Worse Potential Taglines for Crank 2:

  • Welcome To ACTION TOWN!
  • He…Jason Statham…There Is…Something About His Heart Or Something
  • Picking Up A Little While After The Last Movie Left Off
  • He Chase The Bad Men What Gave Him A Robot’s Heart
  • Oh Yes, There Will Be A Tongue Hooked Up To A Car Battery
  • Retarded Speed…2!

There’s no unimproving on imperfection. (Image via WoosterCollective.)

Comments (30)
  1. -Essentially the same premise of every other Statham movie

  2. So, let me get this straight. They can put a robot heart in him, but they can’t cure his male pattern baldness. Lame.

  3. ModernMANdroid  |   Posted on Apr 7th, 2009 -7

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • AJ  |   Posted on Apr 7th, 2009 +15

      Sometimes I wish there was a “?” voting option. Like for this comment. What?!

      • Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

      • Stafford  |   Posted on Apr 7th, 2009 +9

        No “?” button necessary. ModernMANdroid is correct. There is beauty in Crank’s “Oh, fuck it!” attitude to cinema. What’s wonderful is that it appears they’ve given up trying to impress critical minds even more more with this one. If you prefer white-kid angst or nuanced storytelling you are most certainly not going to like these films. If you like paying your alotted movie dollars for something that actually works better on a big screen, then Crank is for you. Crank has gratuitous everything, and the sequel will be gaining my dollars.

    • i judge you for misspelling “judgment.” and also for making no sense.

  4. Patrick  |   Posted on Apr 7th, 2009 +7

    How about “Holy Shit! Corey Haim got work!”

  5. I read the tagline as an homage to “Monty Python and the holy grail” where the guy is trying to dump the old man on the dead cart but he’s not quite dead yet. If you don’t get it – you should see that movie instead. That made the tagline amusing to me. Can anyone take it seriously?

    • Ted  |   Posted on Apr 7th, 2009 +7

      Yeah, it’s clearly probably the most obvious homage to Monty Python I’ve ever seen. Yet all these hilarious blog writers don’t pick up on it. Doesn’t make sense to me.

    • elliosenor  |   Posted on Apr 7th, 2009 +12

      He got turned into a newt…but he got better.

  6. Crank 2: Its Like Drinking Red Bull Though Your Butthole

  7. “The future is in the hands of a man who has none” is a favorite of mine.

  8. CrankyPants  |   Posted on Apr 7th, 2009 +16

    “Like you could make a better movie.” -or- “Crank 2: Electric Boogaloo”

  9. My guess for worst potential tagline for Crank 2 is:
    “Double The Rape”
    Thankfully, I have not seen Crank 2 so I cannot say if there is more rape or less rape than the rape celebrating 1st installment.

  10. I like Paul Scheer’s take: “He’ll try anything to keep his heart on!” (say it out loud)

  11. He was dead…but then the studios wanted to make more easy money off of Jason Statham so they put together this movie after a night of dropping acid.


  12. What would be amazing is if they combined The Transporter and Crank. Like his heart is hooked up to his car and he has to go fast to live…my god…the genius of it!

  13. Been Had Action.

  14. Joe  |   Posted on Apr 8th, 2009 0

    And Videogum continues missing the point of Crank immensely.

  15. all the midwest methheads were psyched to hear this was coming out…until they found out it was a movie. similar to new Coke craze in ’86.

  16. Yeah, I actually think this tagline rocks. It completely acknowledges how stupidly ridiculous the whole thing is, which is the reason why I think this movie could be entertaining at all. It just looks so incredibly stupid, this irony thing really works.

  17. Julie  |   Posted on Apr 8th, 2009 +5

    “This man will publicly fuck his girlfriend. FIND OUT WHY”

  18. “Crank 2…… you have to be on it to want it”

  19. But I haven’t even seen Crank 1 yet!

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