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The latest from the garage-sale unlabeled-VHS-watching kings everythingisterrible, a video about becoming a “party” hostess who makes her guests buy the ugliest overpriced “art” and figurines, is scary in a whole new way: it doesn’t actually seem like it was that long ago! Look at the makeup and clothes — that’s not the ’80s or even the early ’90s! So much mauve:
The video call from the land that irony forgot is coming from inside the 21st Century! (Actually, I would place it in 1997 because of the sunflower fetishizing, but close).
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don’t worry if someone leaves your party and doesn’t make a purchase. you don’t know what her personal circumstances are. circumstances like taste or sanity or non-blindness. i would love to have a sit-down with the bird feeder collector’s husband. the poor bastard.
What to do with my time machine… KILL HITLER or go to 1997 and buy that darling Country Sampler print. I can’t decide.
1. 1:09
2. “Jill, you collect birdhouses, don’t you?” “I SURE DO!”
3. Why do all of their names start with J
4. “Don’t be offended, you don’t know what their personal circumstances are” OBVIOUSLY YOU MUST BE DESTITUTE if you’re not buying all of these pots of fake ivy, crochet doilies, and sunflower lotion dispensers!
What’s Malcolm Gladwell doing in there giving tips on sales?
“wow Michelle, these are some really nice things!”
“nnnnnnnn”
“the smell is so fragrant”
party on!
Ugh, they all look like re-animated corpses with that awful mauve lipstick.
What twisted design universe does this bitch occupy where stoneware compliments a birdhouse collection? The mini spoonjar candle, sure. But stoneware? Revoke her charter.