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Johnny 5 popped a wheelie as he hummed along to his favorite C + C Music Factory song. He could still taste Stephanie’s lip gloss on his face receptors. Today was going to be a 1001010101 day, he could just replicate the feel of it. He wheeled out of the laboratory and bumped up against a giant metal leg.
“Ooooooh,” he said, “you got a real set of gams on you,” he said, looking up.
A blackened, steel face with deep set 10 megapixel red laser eyes stared down at him, baring its titanium fangs.
“You are the only thing that stands between the Decepticons and the destruction of the planet Earth,” the creature said with a horrific digital grating, like two electronic saws cutting into each other.
“Cool dude,” Johnny 5 said, spinning in place. “Cowabunga.”
And then the Decepticon unleashed a devastating attack. He fucking pummeled that piece of junk into the ground, and burned it, and shot it full of holes, and flattened it out smooth like a nickel, and then he straight dropped an atomic bomb on the spot where Johnny 5′s broken body lay, and the Earth was destroyed.
The End.
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johnny 5 is alive
dis reminds me of mastur of disguys wif da old lady called gammy num nums an den da dood wif da yo yo called mayor maynot
What ARE you????
How did you discover this site? I absolutely cannot figure you out. Sometimes I’m almost certain you’re a highly sophisticated troll, and then other times I think you must just be handicapped.
You are a fascinating specimen whose origins I will make it my mission to unearth!
He’s just someone who stumbled out of 4chan. Posters like this are pretty easy to figure out.
Also, I fucking hated Johnny 5. I would gladly hand over the fate of the planet to the Decepticons if it meant destroying that fucked up piece of garbage.
He is a real person capable of writing intelligent posts. Someone pointed out he wrote something coherent on the 100 movies list, and I also found something coherent elsewhere. Someone else called him out as being a “Benjamin Coale.”
I need someone with a penis to explain this to me
Gabe grew up in the shadow of Johnny 5. Forever jealous that up until recently his favourite transformer toys, theoretically capable of mighty deeds, were relegated to animated T.V. and film while a slapdash wannabe hipster-bot like Johnny moved into the mainstream live action cash cow. Also robots hurting each other is good clean fun.
Wow, you don’t fuck around. My eyes still glazed over two sentences in, but that is not your fault.
Thanks, and if you ever need help determining your skin’s “Color Season” (I predict you are a Winter), you know where to find me.
Many thanks, unfortunately such knowledge would not help me, I use a complex and sophisticated system to dress myself that is far too advanced for me to be tempted to mess with. I call it TumbleDress. I reach in and it decides the colour of the shirt I pull out.
If you could somehow interface with the machine…
Still, I learnt a new term to impress fashionistas with, we’ll call it even.
NOOOOOOOOOO! JOHNNY!
youre a bad person.
Putting the character of shia lebouf in my mind makes it even better.
for some reason i didn’t cry nearly as hard when johnny 5 got his ass beat this time.
los locos kick your ass, los locos kick your face….
That was mean!
I’m pretty sure you’ve put the kibosh on the Batteries Not Included robots ever coming to renovate your dilapidated apt building now…serves you right.
At some point my childhood mind started to confuse Batteries Not Included with Cocoon thanks to Jessica Tandy, RIP.
If only Johnny 5 had his mohawk.
Johnny 5 v. WALL-E: Recycled Parts