There seem to be two basic kinds of robot movies: the dystopian nightmare of technology out of control (Terminator, The Matrix, Blade Runner*), and the robot as metaphor for the human need to make meaning out of existence (A.I., Wall-E, Bicentennial Man). In the first, the world is on the brink of destruction as man has been forced to go to war against his own creation. In the second, a robot suffers abject humiliation and alienation as it attempts to pursue humanistic, emotional goals in a world that rejects it as coldly mechanical. Both of these deal with fundamentally “interesting” ideas, and as such, both should be equally successful and interesting to watch, but they aren’t. In fact, one of the two types of robot movies (NO SPOILERS) is almost categorically bad, to the point of searching for that time-text button on the DVD remote within five minutes of the opening credits because you want to see just how much more of this you’re seriously expected to sit through.

The reason that the dramatic, existential robot movies keep ending up here (with the exception of Wall-E, which is great, duh) while the dystopian sci-fi action-thrillers do not is pretty simple: WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT ROBOTS’ FEELINGS?

If you give a fuck about robots’ feelings, you can stop reading this right now (and can start going to Remedial Giving a Fuck About Stuff Better Class). The rest of you, carry on.

*Admittedly, the dystopian nightmare movies kind of bridge the two themes, as the violent machine revolts are usually based on the sentient being’s “human” desire for independence.

In the not-too-distant future (2005), Mr. Smith buys a robot (Robin Williams) for his family to do chores and take care of the children. At first, the children don’t like the Williamsbot 3000, and who can blame them, but then the robot breaks the youngest daughter’s prized crystal horse and replaces it by carving a new horse out of beachwood (because even though his robot hands lack the manual dexterity to hold a small crystal horse, they are capable of creating an intricately carved wooden one, it’s called science) and now everyone loves the robot because of presents. So Mr. Smith decides that his robot is special, and he starts teaching him condescendingly simplistic lessons, and stops asking him to do chores around the house, leaving the robot to make grandfather clocks all day (the next logical progression from tiny intricate replacement horses). 20 years later, the house is filled with grandfather clocks, so the Smiths decide to sell them and give the robot the money, and apparently this makes the robot really rich, because in the future people will care about grandfather clocks for some reason. Then the robot decides that he wants to be free, because this movie is so intense, and Mr. Smith gets mad and kicks the robot out of the house, just like when white people begrudgingly granted human slaves their freedom by pouting and being weird. Then Mr. Smith dies and he loves the robot again because death puts things in perspective. Stupid, ridiculous perspective.

Then the robot goes looking for other robots like him who also have a grandfather clock fortune, but he doesn’t find any. Instead he finds Oliver Platt, who is the son of a robot designer who now does his own work in a dumpster. The robot funds Oliver Platt’s research with his grandfather clock fortune, and now being able to have a human face instead of a Fischer Price one, he decides on the face of Robin Williams, because the robot is a genius. Blah blah blah, this movie is two hundred years long, Robin Williams Face Robot goes back to San Francisco and falls in love with the granddaughter of the youngest daughter of the Smith family and THEY GET MARRIED. Then he appeals to the Future Space United Nations Of Law or some shit to get recognized as a human being and they’re like “but aren’t you a robot?” And he’s like “Yeah, but I mean I have sex with a woman,” and they’re like “Well, you’re a robot.” There’s a title card that says “many years later,” and now the granddaughter of the youngest Smith daughter is getting old and wants to die some day, so the Robin Williams Face Robot invents a robo-human-blood-transfusion (?) which allows his robo-body to age and stop functioning in 30 to 40 years and now the Space Congress of International Future Relations is like “you’re a human,” but it’s too late because Robin Williams robot has died, but also he hasn’t died, because he’s still a fucking robot, and the woman he married is like “See you soon,” because she’s about to die, and she thinks she’s going to see him in heaven, which is sad that she got so old and no one ever told her how heaven works, because she won’t see him in heaven, because a broken robot is still a fucking robot.

Oh. M. God, you guys. I barely even know where to begin. This movie is epic (it’s where epic FAIL actually came from, look it up). This was my face for the entire movie:

As I mentioned earlier, the fundamental problem with this movie is that I don’t care what it feels like for a robot to become more and more human. Like at all. If you had to list all of the things that I care about in the world, that would end up very near the bottom, right below “hairstyles of the 1930s,” “the work of Nicholas Sparks,” and “Celtic tattoos.”

So, if that’s a problem, the entire movie falls apart, even if it’s a really good movie, which it is not. And if the entire movie has fallen apart and it’s a bad movie, then things just get laughable.

For example, when Mr. Smith teaches the robot about the human reproductive system:

That’s LOLable. Big time. But not the biggest time. Because even more laughable: the part where the youngest Smith daughter feels conflicted about her upcoming marriage because secretly she is in love with the Robin Williams robot.

Wait, whuuuuuut? When they finished shooting this scene, everyone high-fived and was like “We’re all adult professionals here, making really smart choices and spending millions of dollars wisely.”

I mean, if you’re going to do a movie about a robot who struggles with the complexities of human existence, at least get the facts about human existence right.

No?

No.

By the time the robot upgrades his face to Robin Williams’s face (TALK ABOUT BLINDED BY SCIENCE) it’s basically just impossible.

Stop. Stop it. Both of you stop it. Take a good long look in the mirror, ask yourselves how you got to this point, and then blow your brains out.

Unbelievable.

She just fucked a robot.

She left her fiance to go fuck a robot and later she marries that robot.

Her jilted fiance is played by Jay Johnston from Mr. Show.

After the sex scene, they are having breakfast, and that insane woman says that if they stay together it will be difficult because society will not accept their love for one another. True. You love a robot. You fuck a robot. A robot who looks like Robin Williams. You weirdo. But so that is when Robin Williams appeals to the Future Space Jetsons Court of International United Planets or WHATEVER–this movie is INSANE–to declare him a human and recognize his robot-human marriage, and I just want to say something real quick: I’m all for freedom and I am all for brave heroes, but if you are worried about how others might view your relationship, you don’t HAVE to make your relationship the poster child of the movement. Like, if you think that people are small-minded and bigoted and you’re worried what that will do to your robosexual love, you don’t need to fight for justice in a highly-publicized International Space Court. Not that anything else in this movie makes any sense, or that it ever depicts even one genuine human emotion or experience, because it doesn’t, because it was built in a laboratory by complete idiots.

Did I mention it won an Oscar? Oscars, kill yourself.

This made me laugh though:

WHERE IS THE OUTRAGE?

Bicentennial Man is definitely in the Top 5 Worst, joining the ranks of Elizabethtown and Death Sentence. But even more importantly, New Rule: no more Robin Williams movies. I have suffered enough at this man’s hamhand.

Next Week: later this week, I will announce the new round of Worst Movies. The Hunt will never end. ))<>((. Lord, please take me now. As always, please leave your suggestions in the comments or in an email. And if you haven’t done so already, please consult the Official Rules.

Comments (146)
  1. One feels vindicated that Bicentennial Man is in the top 5. One knew it was a horrible movie, and boring, too.

  2. No more Robin Williams movies?! There goes my dream of a WMOAT review of Dead Poet’s Society.

  3. Meredith  |   Posted on Mar 16th, 2009 +8

    SEX AND THE CITY MOVIE
    SEX AND THE CITY MOVIE
    SEX AND THE CITY MOVIE

    There is so much that needs to be said!

  4. I still selfishly would like to see “The Hunt for the Worst TV Show of All Time” once Gabe goes through the next batch of flicks, but I know that’s asking a _lot_.

  5. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  6. I remember that I was 8 when this movie came out around Christmas, and my mom took the whole family based on the trailer which had every joke in this drama, and we all came out extremely disappointed, and then we took my sister over to my mom’s friend’s house who is a hand surgeon and he fixed my sister’s hand or something.

    This movie is so long and boring it’s making ME long and boring.

  7. Clambone  |   Posted on Mar 16th, 2009 +3

    The remake of Rollerball is the worst “real” movie I’ve ever seen. I really think it has what it takes.

  8. On the same day I was watching these clips I found this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gM8pTkx1Ag

    So that’s a thing that’s happening.

  9. I think the dumbest part of the movie is the fact that the daughter PUSHES HIM WHEN HE’S USING A BAND SAW.

  10. mm  |   Posted on Mar 16th, 2009 +9

    I hope The Last Kiss is on the next round so that everybody shuts up about it.
    And also The Butterfly Effect, because that’s my own personal choice of the worst movie of all time.

  11. studly roberts  |   Posted on Mar 16th, 2009 0

    CONfidence. I couldn’t understand what the movie could possibly be about until capital letters explained it to me.
    Please. Dustin Hoffman is in eccentric pervert mode (yes, that’s a real mode) as crime boss King, which is a fortuitous name for a crime boss. And Ed Burns is a handsome, charming (read: not charming at all) grifter who needs help grifting from Rachel Weisz, even though White Women Can’t Grift!

    But it turns out that these grifters (grifters!) are not completely upfront about their grifting… I know!

    Also, there’s Lupus (the person, not the disease) who has to monitor the grift to make sure all grifting goes as planned. (His best friend Sickle Cell had to call in sick.)
    And Andy Garcia (typecast as a grifter-hater) who has been on the hunt for Ed Burns, who is famous for grifting.

    Please.

  12. ronton  |   Posted on Mar 16th, 2009 -7

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  13. m.n.  |   Posted on Mar 16th, 2009 +1

    bamboozled. so misguided, so self righteous.

  14. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  15. I’ll put this in the “I’ll take your word for it” category. Nothing could make me watch this movie.

  16. Any of the “____ Movie” (Scary Movie, Epic Movie, etc.). Literally, any of them (Scary Movie 1 and 2 excepted… MAYBE). Disaster Movie? I haven’t even seen most of these movies, but come on, they’ve gotta be somewhere on the list.

  17. Hugh Manatee  |   Posted on Mar 16th, 2009 -7

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • Haha, WHAT?

    • Sal  |   Posted on Mar 17th, 2009 +9

      My favourite part of St Elmo’s Fire is when Demi Moore tries to kill herself by opening all the windows and sitting half-naked in the middle of the room sobbing. All the rest of the St Elmo’s Fire gang are outside banging on the door shouting “Demi!” (or whatever her character is called), “For god’s sake please close the windows! Or put a sweater on!”. It’s a very deep, emotional scene. It always makes me lol.

  18. Hugh Manatee  |   Posted on Mar 16th, 2009 -7

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  19. Fucking Oliver Platt in that one on one scene is just about the worst thing that’s ever been posted in this competition. He matches Williams step for step.

  20. That is like the best gif ever. I haven’t even seen the movie but just reading this made me want to throw up.

    ———————-

    That being said, I will not quit! The Piano, Running With Scissors and Moulin Rouge!

  21. I agree, I wish people could shut up about The Last Kiss too. But the only person who can make that happen is Gabe.

    I want to sub-nominate the Sex and the City movie as well. I think that will be my comment project after Gabe does The Last Kiss, which I mean, obviously, he’s going to do it.

  22. Oh my god that really is the worst movie ever made. I couldn’t even get through the clips past the midway point. So much wrong here. Like why an adult who is about to craft convicing simulation genitalia would be sheepish and shy about discussing penises with an android as if they’re 80 year old schoolmarms in a church library. Or how he’s reading her heart with his robot sensory plugs. Or even the fact the robot is sleazy enough to say that a good marriage can stand an extramarital kiss.

    And unless I read this wrong, doesn’t he say he’s loved her since he first saw her? Wasn’t she a little girl the first time he saw her? PEDOROBO!

  23. The Chumbscrubber. It’s supposed to be some sort of dark comedy or something about how everyone in the suburbs is a big liar putting on a show, but it is totally insane and horrible.

  24. So, I’m assuming you didn’t like Electroma either?

  25. gimmeDANEger  |   Posted on Mar 16th, 2009 +5

    I’m assuming the omission of Howard the Duck is purely accidental. I can’t find my (least) favorite clip of big-haired Caroline in the City attempting to bed an uncomfortable Howard, as though it was physically possible/legal to so. Gabe–if you cover this movie, you can share the clip with the internets. Imagine.

    Producer George Lucas has since attempted to distance himself from the movie. Yes..GEORGE LUCAS wouldn’t even support this piece. That tells you something. It just came out on DVD last week, so this is timely. If you aren’t sold yet, here’s an epic closing number that puts Slumdog to shame.

    http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x29hrd_howard-the-duck-ending_music

  26. Pteranodon  |   Posted on Mar 16th, 2009 0

    One more vote for:
    The Haunting of Molly Hartley.
    it’s bad, it really is, even the worst.

  27. yrboyfriend  |   Posted on Mar 16th, 2009 +2

    was this written by the same morons who think women become emotionally bonded to their vibrators?

  28. jdeuel  |   Posted on Mar 16th, 2009 +8

    To be fair, the oscar was for makeup. Norbit was nominated for the same award. I vote we disband this category.

  29. Joker's Lady  |   Posted on Mar 16th, 2009 +2

    Don’t feel bad dude, you do this hard arduous work so that we videogummers don’t have to watch certain movies, therefore hopefully sending messages to the big suits in hollywood that robot movies are no longer a necessity. thanks dude.

  30. JBizarre  |   Posted on Mar 16th, 2009 +6

    Two Tom Cruise movies:
    - The War of the Worlds (pleeeeeeaaaasssseeee)
    - The Last Samurai (an awkward comedy)

    • Robert  |   Posted on Mar 16th, 2009 +7

      The Last Samarai is the worst movie of all time? You might not like Tom Cruise, but be honest. It’s not bad.

      • Yeah, it is. It’s bad. “Some Japanese people are in trouble! Tom Cruise, come help us out.”

      • JBizarre  |   Posted on Mar 17th, 2009 +5

        It’s not bad, it’s really really REALLY bad. I don’t know if you are Cruise’s lover, but the Last Samurai sucks, it’s boooooooring and completely unnecesary. But wait! you are right, the worst movie is not TLS, it’s War of the Worlds!!! Thanks a lot!

  31. Gabe, for the love of God, try and watch Solaris. Just try. And may God have mercy on your soul

  32. blah  |   Posted on Mar 16th, 2009 +13

    I just want to know if the Robin Williams robot had a Robin Williams hair shirt grafted to his flesh like, robo-body? Cuz that definitely deserves an Oscar.

  33. I saw it a loooong time ago, I don’t remember how bad it is, but one thing I remember that it is boring as fuck.

  34. I can’t believe it took this long to have a “no Robin Williams” rule. Suggestion = The Happening.

  35. Robert  |   Posted on Mar 16th, 2009 0

    At the end of this movie, wasn’t there some sort of dancing robot slut? Her Metallic breasts were waaay too much for me to handle as a kid.

    Ok, so I have a feeling the Last Kiss crusade is coming to an end. It’s about time. God, it sucked.

  36. robin williams' child who is so embarassed  |   Posted on Mar 16th, 2009 +1

    Last Thursday while I was discussing your blog with Jean Luc Goddard over brunch we both agreed you should do BALLISTIC: ECKS VS SEVER!

  37. hiho  |   Posted on Mar 16th, 2009 +1

    Just a friendly reminder about MARGOT AT THE WEDDING.

    C’mon Gabe, it is so stupid and it thinks it is so smart.

  38. This Is An Outrage  |   Posted on Mar 16th, 2009 +1

    Somehow I saw this in the theatres, and the one thing I remember from this movie (besides Future Robot Court) is Robin Williamsbot describing the beauty of having (robo)sex with the granddaughter. I still get nauseated just thinking about it.

  39. Krista  |   Posted on Mar 16th, 2009 -8

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • I disagree. William Hurt as an atavistic sasquatch high on shrooms is unintentional comedy magic.

      • Krista  |   Posted on Mar 17th, 2009 0

        Alright, that’s fair. As I said, we all laughed throughout the whole thing. That still doesn’t change my mind that on its own terms it is a piece of shit.

  40. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  41. I second The Happening. Too many of these are too easy, just bad. But worst implies a failure of so many filters of money and ambition. Truly exceptionally Wicker Man with Nic Cage bad is a whole other level; it’s a failure to make anything that has any consistent sense of reflecting human beings while at the same time believing it is profound. I think that’s the thing that Bicentennial Man and Elizabethtown have in common. M Night is laughable, but The Happening…

    The Happening takes place in a universe where humans don’t act anything like human beings do. Simple lines of dialogue and behavior are actually more batshit insane than the idea of pollen killing people.

  42. Oh sweet Jesus I will be having repeated nightmares about that Robin Williams Bot.

    Thanks. Thanks a lot.

  43. “They die. One feels badly for them.”

  44. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • Agreed, it’s awful. I watched it in college once, thinking that being stoned would at least make it bearable…I was wrong.

      • Go watch Idiocracy again. It is at the very least a great idea for a movie and at the best lighthearted and funny throughout. It is nowhere near TWMOAT.

    • RobinRubbermaid  |   Posted on Mar 17th, 2009 +4

      You are both hopeless. Idiocracy is the best. Whenever I meet a new person, I can usually judge whether we can be friends based on whether they love Idiocracy.

  45. ThomBoh  |   Posted on Mar 17th, 2009 +1

    I second Rollerball (remake… Josh Hartnett, armour and rollerblades)

    but I INSIST on:

    MAX PAYNE

  46. I’m just gonna say one word and back away. Transformers.

  47. Does anyone ever feel that Robin Williams only plays himself in movies? And that “himself” is a big douchebag who is emotionally immature? He’s always gotta go ripping into guys he’s jealous of because they’re stealing his woman, while simultaneously praising himself (“DOES HE MAKE YOU LAUGH LIKE I DO?”)

    I can think of three movies off the top of my head…this one, Mrs. Doubtfire, Patch Adams. There’s probably more. I think the most ridiculous part of this movie is that a woman falls in love with someone as petty and self-centered as Robin Williams. And that is the end of my report.

  48. If we let these people marry robots, what’s next? Are people who want to marry people of the same sex going to be allowed as well? HOW FAR DO WE LET THIS GO???

  49. I suggest Collateral. I know it’s gotten awards but I really couldn’t watch this movie. Tom Cruise/Jamie Foxx?

  50. rk  |   Posted on Mar 17th, 2009 +5

    If you give a fuck about robots’ feelings, you can stop reading this right now (and can start going to Remedial Giving a Fuck About Stuff Better Class).

    All I ever wanted to read. Bravo.

    Again I suggest, nay, urge: In the Land of Women.

  51. It took her 40 seconds in that clip to go from “married” to “making out with a robot.”

  52. Nina   |   Posted on Mar 17th, 2009 +1

    “Chain Reaction” with Morgan Freeman and Keanu Reeves!

  53. You don’t care about robot feelings, eh? Has “Battlestar Galactica” taught us nothing, then? Caprica Six, Boomer – you would feel strange banging those robots, would you? Yes you would feel strange because for once it wouldn’t be your hand. Shame on you, robot-love haters. Shame.

  54. I won’t even attempt tp watch this movie.

    Suggestion: Troll2? Is that intentionally horrible? I kind of hope it was. Anyway, it could totally be a contender.

  55. szczur  |   Posted on Mar 17th, 2009 -1

    I think we can all agree, we need Moulin Rouge, Butterfly Effect and definitely Last Kiss.

  56. This post needs one big NSFW warning because UUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHbarf.

  57. email   |   Posted on Mar 17th, 2009 +3

    Pick Clerks 2!!! I can’t believe no Kevin Smith movies have made it into the WMOAT list!

  58. Christopher  |   Posted on Mar 17th, 2009 +9

    These kinds of movies bug me for two reasons:

    First off, I want to know why a robot would feel disgust or non-platonic love. We feel those things because of the way we specifically happened to evolve. Not only would robots not have those evolutionary pressures, they’d actually have programers who’d want them to NOT feel those things.

    What good is a serving robot that can feel disgusted? I don’t want to feel like the bad guy for asking the robot to clean up cat vomit. And I certainly don’t need it to bring home strange women to bang.

    Secondly, and less nerdily, by the time Robin Williams has to testify before the United Federation of Whatever, there will have been a good two centuries worth of popular fiction devoted to explaining why we shouldn’t be mean to robots.

    I’d like to think that by then we’ll have gotten the message, and not be utterly shocked when our robots start acting like we’ve always said they’ll act in every piece of robot fiction we’ve ever made.

    • Spooky Ghost  |   Posted on Mar 18th, 2009 0

      Yeah, and that San Francisco skyline in the new Star Trek is complete bullshit.
      “And I certainly don’t need it to bring home strange women to bang”.
      LOLOLOL..

  59. Dave  |   Posted on Mar 17th, 2009 0

    Do The Waiting Game starring Will Arnett and a bunch of nobodies from nobody town written and directed by a nobody. It is actually the worst.

  60. I actually like this movie. I don’t know why.

  61. mighty undies  |   Posted on Mar 17th, 2009 +4

    Cold Mountain!

  62. bob  |   Posted on Mar 17th, 2009 +1

    the postman

  63. bob  |   Posted on Mar 17th, 2009 -2

    the postman

  64. Courtney  |   Posted on Mar 17th, 2009 0

    No Sex and the City the movie is not TWMOAT. Yes the extended cut is better than the theatrical release because it explained more but for those who never watched the show don’t put in your 2 cents. You want a really bad rom-com? Try forcing yourself through ‘Made of Honor’ or I’ll keep saying ‘Fool’s Gold.’

  65. VoteQuimby  |   Posted on Mar 17th, 2009 +2

    Dreamcatcher. It’s really bad.

  66. VoteQuimby  |   Posted on Mar 17th, 2009 0

    Sidenote: it starred Morgan Freeman, Tom Sizemore, Jason Lee, and Donnie Wahlberg. And it wasn’t intentionally horrible.

  67. CBr00kP  |   Posted on Mar 17th, 2009 +2

    I watched a contender for WMOAT this weekend: Guy Ritchie’s Revolver. Gabe will love this one in the next Hunt for: 1) The Cast: Jason Statham, Big Pussy, Andre 3000, and ambiguously gay Ray Liotta; 2) excessive and heavy-handed use of leit motifs, generic techno music, and time-shifting jump cuts; and 3) the general headache-inducing awfulness of the movie. By the time I got to Statham’s generic hustler of a character trapped in an elevator (he’d explicitly informed us he was unconformtable with tight spaces!), having an existential crisis-like argument with his inner voice/the core antagonist of the film, I knew I had to suggest this movie for the Hunt immediately.

  68. vicky  |   Posted on Mar 17th, 2009 +1

    I don’t know why but I have to watch this movie every time I came across it on tv. Not only that but I’m pretty such I saw it in the theater when it came on. I don’t even like Robin Williams.

  69. How awful Superhero movies? The Fantastic Four, Ghost Rider, Batman & Robin, Catwoman, Daredevil, Spiderman 3. Or how about Taxi starring Jimmy Fallon and Queen Latifah? Any Matthew McConaughey movie that isn’t Dazed and Confused?

  70. The Haunting of Molly Hartley, completely unwatchable

  71. pay it forward.

    • I completely second Pay It Forward. I was stuck on a long bus trip and forced to watch this – the driver turned it up so loud that I couldn’t drown it out or go to sleep. Even when I gazed out the window to watch the scenery, I could still hear Haley Joel Osment’s whiny voice. Ugh.

  72. I got it! Oliver Stone’s ALEXANDER!

  73. JBizarre  |   Posted on Mar 17th, 2009 +2

    What about Love, Actually???

    • Danny  |   Posted on Mar 18th, 2009 +3

      But there’s far worse rom-coms: Fool’s Gold, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Failure to Launch, He’s Not That Into You, Made of Honor, 27 Dresses, etc. The list goes on and on.

    • JT  |   Posted on Mar 18th, 2009 +3

      Having just read CNN, it’s probably a good idea to lay off of Liam Neeson flicks for a while.

  74. RunBMC  |   Posted on Mar 17th, 2009 +4

    IDIOCRACY? ALTERED STATES? Seriously? Please go back to FAIL school and retake your Religion and Drugs and Stupidity class again. Twice.

    Gabe, I really think you need to consider LADY IN THE WATER and THE HAPPENING as a double-bill. You will be amazed after watching the horribleness of the former that the latter is even worse. And kudos to whomever recommended DREAMCATCHER. I had forgotten it existed after witnessing all that pedigree get flushed down the prominently featured toilet. And now my memory hurts.

  75. Matt  |   Posted on Mar 17th, 2009 +1

    IN addition to nominating Grease, how about Summer of Sam too? Aweful! And Dreamcatcher might actually be the absolute worst movie of all time.

  76. My family started to watch this movie once. Eventually I think we all just wandered off to do more interesting things like laundry.

    Also, I wholeheartedly second War of the Worlds and Alexander. I would also like to suggest Nobel Son. Complete waste of 90 minutes and 7 dollars.

  77. lucid  |   Posted on Mar 18th, 2009 +1

    Dreamcatcher most definitely.

  78. Sir Richard  |   Posted on Mar 18th, 2009 0

    The Quiet. I know it’s a longshot, but really it HAS to be done.

  79. i feel like cassandra over here, but i am telling you and no one is listening: miami vice is so :( , it’s really not suitable for anyone’s eyes. it’s so so :( . not funny, not ironic, not anything except :( .

    • Courtney  |   Posted on Mar 18th, 2009 0

      Yes thank you I’m so glad someone else suggested ‘Miami Vice.’ Especially with Colin Ferrell’s greasy ass hair and fake ‘hard’ look. I know they were trying to modernize it but they both dressed like frumpy cops unlike the much better dressed dudes of the 80s. Why the hell was it remade, it was as pointless as ‘Bewitched’ (might be another good suggestion Gabe).

  80. nah. not one of the worst movies, but definitely too long, boring, and ridiculous. and i still can’t identify with a robot’s feelings. but i liked A.I. so maybe i’m ridiculous.

  81. After all the Pain Robin Williams has caused you I think it’s about time you knocked him out with a free weight and shit on his face, Beecher style, and move on to more worthy movies coughthelastkisscough

  82. sally  |   Posted on Mar 18th, 2009 +1

    So happy someone finally mentioned St. Elmo’s Fire. The scene in which Demi Moore tries to kill herself by not wearing a sweater in a really cold room, only to be saved by Rob Lowe making her laugh isn’t even the most absurd part of that movie. I saw that movie when I was 12 and thought that it must be an accurate depiction of young adult life. I relaxed after I realized that I would not have to gain even an iota of maturity in order to catch up with this cast of whiny bi-polar 20-somethings. That movie stunted my emotional and psychological growth. How about the fingerless gloves wearing pussy from The Breakfast Club (Judd Hirsch?) complaining with big weepy eyes that he just can’t stop cheating on his fiance with models and lingerie saleswomen. This is a problem people grapple with in their 20s?

    I would go so far as to nominate any and all John Hughs 80s movies, but this one – which tries to go beyond high school rom com and make “important” statements about generation X – is truly the worst.

    Corallary to that, how about Less Than Zero? Profoundly stupid movie that even enfant terrible Brett Easton Ellis thought was superficial and pointless. Watching Jami Gertz “act” is like watching Dane Cook do… anything.

  83. edc  |   Posted on Mar 19th, 2009 -3

    worst. review. EVAH!

    srsly, go wank to paul rudd’s generic humour. this review was like listening to a queer pretending he’ll jump off a roof.

    • davidbrent  |   Posted on Mar 21st, 2009 0

      TRANSFORMERS (The plot literally makes no sense. Megatron comes to Earth in order to enslave us with our techonology; wait, we’re all using wooden boats? Shit.)

      THE HAPPENING (I don’t need to say anything)

  84. Karatechampionpornstarmarksmen  |   Posted on Mar 19th, 2009 0

    REVOLVER.!!!!!

  85. Fine, I wont promote Harvard Man anymore. How about Danny Glover and Oprah Winfrey’s “Beloved”. Or Denzel Washington’s “Fallen”. I feel you need to bring some flavour into this mix son.

  86. whereswaldo  |   Posted on Mar 19th, 2009 0

    Gabe, please review The Prime Gig, starring Vince Vaughn. It is a terrible movie about HIGH STAKES TELEMARKETING. Seriously, its the worst.

  87. Anise  |   Posted on Mar 19th, 2009 +1

    Town & Country, starring Warren Beatty and Andie MacDowell. Andie MacDowell is the worst.

  88. Anise  |   Posted on Mar 19th, 2009 0

    Beyond Borders. Angelina Jolie. Put her in her place.

  89. Anise  |   Posted on Mar 19th, 2009 0

    Beyond Borders. Angelina Jolie. Put her in her place.

  90. RunBMC  |   Posted on Mar 19th, 2009 0

    If you are looking for some flavor, look no further than Denzel Washington’s DEJA VU. That shit made absolutely no sense whatsoever.
    Or the screechingly hateful THE JOY LUCK CLUB – The Panda Express version of a bad Terry McMillan made-for-Lifetime movie.
    Whitebread nonsense masquerading as a tortilla : Meryl Streep, Glenn Close, Jeremy Irons and Wynona Ryder as Chileans in THE HOUSE OF THE SPIRITS. Terrifically, boringly bad.

  91. THOMBOH  |   Posted on Mar 19th, 2009 +2

    I COMPLETELY SECOND TRANSFORMERS

    PLEASE DO WE HAVE A THIRD

  92. geekpower  |   Posted on Mar 20th, 2009 0

    How is this movie worse that Heartbeeps?
    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082507/

    Seriously. Andy Kaufman, Bernadette Peters, Randy Quaid and Christopher Guest!
    See for yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZv-z_HFuX4&feature=related

  93. Courtney  |   Posted on Mar 20th, 2009 0

    Are you serious ‘Dejavu’ TWMOAT? It may be weird but not a contender. If you want some flava in the mix then please do me a favor and watch ‘Soul Plane’ because that is just a plain disgrace to all black people. Ugh thinking about that movie makes me want to shoot whoever green lit it.

  94. OFb  |   Posted on Mar 20th, 2009 0

    What the Bleep Do We Know!? – WHAT THE #$*! DO WE KNOW?!” is a radical departure from convention. It demands a freedom of view and greatness of thought so far unknown, indeed, not even dreamed of since Copernicus. It’s a documentary. It’s a story. It’s mind-blowing special effects. This film plunges you into a world where quantum uncertainty is demonstrated – where neurological processes, and perceptual shifts are engaged and lived by its protagonist – where everything is alive, and reality is changed by every thought.

    I swear to god this is the worst thing ever put to film. Half documentary about quantum physics (or something) and half movie about a deaf woman doing non-nonsensical things. Seriously check this thing out with a group of friends and play a drinking game where you take a shot every time you or one of your friends says the words “wait, what the fuck” and you’ll be drunk in no time.

  95. OFb  |   Posted on Mar 20th, 2009 -1

    What the Bleep Do We Know!? – WHAT THE #$*! DO WE KNOW?!” is a radical departure from convention. It demands a freedom of view and greatness of thought so far unknown, indeed, not even dreamed of since Copernicus. It’s a documentary. It’s a story. It’s mind-blowing special effects. This film plunges you into a world where quantum uncertainty is demonstrated – where neurological processes, and perceptual shifts are engaged and lived by its protagonist – where everything is alive, and reality is changed by every thought.

    I swear to god this is the worst thing ever put to film. Half documentary about quantum physics (or something) and half movie about a deaf woman doing nonsensical things. Seriously check this thing out with a group of friends and play a drinking game where you take a shot every time you or one of your friends says the words “wait, what the fuck” and you’ll be drunk in no time.

  96. Glenn C  |   Posted on Mar 21st, 2009 0

    Mamma Mia. Although it might violate the “intentionally bad” rule.

  97. Peter W  |   Posted on Mar 25th, 2009 0

    Really? Have you seen a bad movie before? This doesnt even come close. I mean, I can understand if you didn’t LIKE the movie, but this isn’t a BAD movie. La Vie Sur Terre is a bad movie. Xala is a bad movie. The Room is a TERRIBLE movie. This movie has a plot, and characters. It contains humor if you feel like engaging in LIGHT suspension of disbelief compared to truly bad movies. It is LEAGUES beyond those other films. Granted, its not a great movie. But it certainly isn’t the worst movie ever or anywhere near. Expand your horrible horizons beyond movies your mom rented and you didn’t enjoy.

  98. Wow, good job world. I remember watching this movie with my parents as a kid, because the trailers made it look like a family movie. Aaaand TRAILERFAIL. It upset me not in the “I’m a kid but this is making me think” way, but in the “why am I 10 and hearing about awkward Robin Williams mind-blowing robot sex?” way.

  99. A couple (the first I emailed to Gabe before I had an account):

    Repo! The Genetic Opera (when Sarah Brightman is projecting R2D2-style out of her crazy implanted robot eyes to a rep-singing Alexa Vega, something is wrong. Also, “grave robber” and “even bother” do not a rhyme make.)

    The Insatiable (it stars Sean Patrick Flannery. Who falls in love with a hot vampire and traps her in his basement because he can’t bring himself to kill her. So he feeds her BUNNIES FROM THE PET STORE)

    And about Bicentennial Man: when Robin Williams still has a metal face, there’s something that bothers me (besides everything)… why did his designers make his expressive ability so advanced that he can raise his eyebrows and speak in hushed tones, but he still makes that loud robot-signifying whirring noise every time his head moves? That noise is so annoying.

    Okay, done now.

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