I don’t know what happens when we die. As much as one might like to imagine that there’s something else out there because of what unique snowflakes we all are, it seems more likely to me that we just wink out. But hey, I’m not a HEAVEN SCIENTIST. Maybe it is just one big pizza party with all your favorite celebrities when you die. I do know that if there is a hell, the devil makes you watch Robin Williams movies on an endless loop. The man’s work is literally unbearable torture. Literally. If you look up “unbearable torture” in the dictionary there’s a picture of a man in an Abu Ghraib hood, standing on a box with wires hanging off of his hands, and Robin Williams giving the thumbs up in the background with a Patch Adams nose on his nightmare face.

And in an oeuvre chock full of Jigsaw-like punishment, What Dreams May Come may be the one most likely to shake people’s ambivalence towards the gift of life (by making them saw off their own head).

What Dreams May Come tells the story of Chris Nielsen, a doctor who loses his two children in a car crash and then himself is killed in a car crash four years later. Then he is in heaven with Cuba Gooding Jr. and it seems pretty cool, but all he wants is to be reunited with his wife, because they are soul mates, because he says they are soul mates. But then his wife, unable to take the loss of her entire family, kills herself, and people who kill themselves go to hell, but Robin Williams decides that he’s going to be the one person to ever bring someone out of hell into heaven. So Cuba Gooding Jr. says “OK, we’ll find A TRACKER,” and they go find this old man who I guess is like the Aragorn of Heaven or whatever, and he takes them to hell, but then it turns out that Cuba Gooding Jr. is actually Robin Williams’s son, sure, and the old man sends him back to heaven because no fake Cuba Gooding Jr. costumes allowed? Then they find Robin Williams’s wife in her own private hell, which is actually a set from a Cure video in the late ’80s, and Robin Williams can’t save her, so he decides to stay with her, because he would rather spend eternity in hell than be without her, which is what makes her be able to go to heaven somehow, and now the whole family is in heaven. But then Robin Williams and his wife decide to abandon their children and get reincarnated so that they can fall in love all over again, because of how they are soul mates. Hopefully one of them gets reincarnated as a bullet and the other one gets reincarnated as my mouth, because there’s only one way for them to reunite and put us all out of our misery. No? They both get reincarnated as upper middle-class white children in New England?

Perfect.

Everything about this movie is so stupid. Here is Robin Williams learning the ropes of heaven.

Like, I KNOW HOW IMAGINATION WORKS. You don’t have to literally make Robin Williams figure out that a bird he just created with his mind can have turquoise wings. And all of these weird platitudinous digressions on what makes us human? It’s like this movie was written by a dude who heard about college philosophy while he was pulling double shifts at his job at the Eating Paint Factory.

But the fact that it turns out later that Cuba Gooding Jr. is actually Robin Williams’s son makes the whole soft shoe dance on the water scene REALLY creepy, and even worse is when Robin Williams finds his daughter in heaven.

Surprise! She’s an Asian flight attendant? WHAT. THE. FUCK. IS. THIS. MOVIE? There are all kinds of stupid “twists” like that. Dog the Soul Hunter, or whatever, turns out in the final scene to actually be the real Albert, who was Cuba Gooding Jr. in real life?

What is it about heaven that makes everyone pretend to be someone completely different? It’s like Michael Jackson’s “Black or White” video directed by someone on Salvia.

This movie surprisingly the first in the Hunt to feature an actual-to-goodness GOOF, at least that I’ve managed to catch on my own, because it’s so OBVIOUS.

But of course the goof is obvious. The whole movie is obvious. This is a classic example of Hollywood being completely incapable of trusting an audience to understand a single thing on its own. As a Heaven Primer for Mentally Incapacitated Kindergartners, it’s perfect. So, Robin Williams and his wife are soul mates because they keep talking about how they are soul mates, despite the fact that everything about their relationship is trite and pedestrian. When Robin Williams dies, he actually runs down a TUNNEL towards a LIGHT.

Get it? That’s how you get to heaven, dummy.

Which is just about where the thinking on this movie stopped. For example, if heaven is eternity, then time doesn’t exist, so the first hour of the movie in which Robin Williams whines about not being with his wife doesn’t even make any sense. However long he has to wait for her to show up would be but an instant in Heaven Time. They even talk about how eternity in heaven works. Which makes the most laughable moment in the entire movie (although there were HUNDREDS) even funnier. When Robin Williams is about to go see his wife in hell and try to save her, the Tracker tells him that he can only talk to her for THREE MINUTES, or else he will lose his mind. Incredible. THREE MINUTES IS ALL OF HELL THAT A HEAVEN MIND CAN TAKE.

This movie is probably a documentary about the afterlife, which is how they were able to get all the geniuses who ever lived to work on it.

Three minutes. LOL. That’s even funnier than this:

And that is VERY funny.

Next week: The Black Dahlia. As always, please leave your suggestions in the comments or in an email. And if you haven’t done so already, please consult the Official Rules.

Comments (135)
  1. That’s not a camera, Gabe, that’s the Smoke Monster from LOST.

  2. Did you mention that this won an Oscar? I think people should know that this is an Oscar winner.

  3. How many times do we have to suggest The Last Kiss before you make it happen?! THE WORST. Worse than this movie, I’m sure.

    • moojabooja  |   Posted on Mar 2nd, 2009 +10

      maybe he actually likes The Last Kiss, you whiny asshole.

    • Kendall  |   Posted on Mar 6th, 2009 -3

      OMG, first comment!!!!! I agree with Katie, Last Kiss should be in the Hunt. I was forced into watching Last Kiss a few days ago in my own house and I had to leave the living room on multiple occasions. I couldn’t stand the stupidity. Plz to include Last Kiss in the Hunt Gabe.

  4. Never saw it but my grandma said she liked the “backdrops”.

  5. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  6. candace  |   Posted on Mar 2nd, 2009 +7

    the asian flight attendant = the principal in the oc?!?

  7. This movie stunted my life.

  8. Recommendation- Reign Over Me. I’m pretty sure Adam Sandler getting over 9/11 with Shadow of the Colossus and pulling a gun on someone in a courtroom (I think; I try to block it out of my mind) is terrible.

    Comments- Robin Williams looking up Cuba Gooding Jr.’s trenchcoat is LOLtastic, and that this movie had obvious gaffes like that and still won a Visual Effects Oscar is scary. (It beat Armageddon and Mighty Joe Young… um, what?)

  9. If Cuba is the cautionary tale for the male winners of an oscar, who is it for the female winners? Helen Hunt?

  10. This movie is why Cuba Goodin Jr, is considered a joke and not an actor

  11. God, I’m sick of No Fake Cuba Gooding Jr. Costumes used as a plot device. It’s getting so tiresome.

  12. dotdotdot  |   Posted on Mar 2nd, 2009 +3

    How about Face/Off? It’s got Nicolas Cage AND John Travolta. John Travolta’s characer, who is some kind of FBI guy, switches FACES (and apparantly voices and bodies???) with Nicolas Cage’s criminal character to infiltrate his crime stuff. Anyway, crazy shit happens, and by crazy shit, I mean terrible, terrible shit. Lots of awkward Travolta-ness and weird Cage faces together in one movie!

    (also I put in my vote for The Butterfly Effect and The Last Kiss)

    • Sara  |   Posted on Mar 2nd, 2009 +5

      Oh my god, I second “The Butterfly Effect.”

      Also, check out “Chain Reaction” with Morgan Freeman, Rachel Weisz, and Keanu Reeves. You will want to die.

      • Justin  |   Posted on Mar 3rd, 2009 +4

        I’ll third the Butterfly Effect, but I have to say that Face/Off is starting to enter cult status as one of those Starship Troopers style Bad-Movie-But-Really-Good-Because-It-Was-Made-Bad-On-Purpose-By-The-Director-As-Some-Sort-Of-Tongue-In-Cheek-Irony-Thing movies. You know one of those movies where the entire thing should be taken in air quotes or something. I really have no idea what that means, but that’s what I’ve heard.

      • besides the whole “what are you doing?”-”the best i can!”-thing on the GIJoe hovercraft that just happened to be parked near keanu’s hideout… there’s also keanu out-running a nuclear explosion on a dirt bike. recalling those two things im tempted to watch chain reaction again to make sure it’s not actually the best movie ever made.

        • Dash  |   Posted on Apr 19th, 2009 0

          What makes Chain Reaction one of the worst movies of all time — Gabe should definitely tackle it — is the bizarre use of Chicago location shots EVEN AFTER THE MOVIE’S SETTING SWITCHES TO D.C.! Seriously, there’s an establishing shot of a “Washington” museum — AND IT’S THE FIELD MUSEUM ON LAKE SHORE DRIVE.

          You know, ’cause there aren’t any museums in D.C.

    • 12:51  |   Posted on Mar 2nd, 2009 0

      Oh my God yes, I agree! I loved Nicholas Cage when Raising Arizona came out eons ago, then after that my hatred for him grew steadily. Face/Off made me want to kill either him or myself, to this day I’m not sure which :/

    • No, no, no. Face/Off is part of the hunt for the best movie of all time. Even the title is crazy clever. Because, you see, in this high concept action thriller Travolta and Cage are facing off on different sides of the law BUT THEN they actually take each other’s faces off!!! DO YOU GET IT???!

      • what?  |   Posted on Mar 3rd, 2009 -2

        Ok, this is starting to get confusing about what constitutes a “bad” movie. Face/Off is a bad movie, but now it has to be considered good because of how ridiculous it is? I don’t think so, because it sucks.
        Like I remember when someone mentioned Teen Witch and everyone disagreed. I think that is an acceptable example of a great “bad” movie, something that does not belong on the list, almost a cult classic.
        But someone could easily say the same about Boondock Saints, which is on the list. And that’s probably an even more popular cult classic. But it is still a terrible movie, which deserves to be on the list. (And is definitely not enjoyable like Teen Witch, which I love.)
        I don’t think Face/Off should be excused. I’m pretty sure it isn’t nearly as popular as the other two, and it’s really really bad. Plus I would just like to read Gabe’s review of it.

        • I now regret having recommended “Teen Witch” since it really has no A or B (or even C) listers in it, so it doesn’t meet the criteria (Robyn Lively being the sister of a B-lister doesn’t count, I now realize). But oh my god “Face-Off” is a fantastic movie!! What movie with Nicolas Cage would not be made immeasurably better by him taking his FACE OFF. (But not all the skin around his entire skull, because that = “Ghost Rider”, so evidently there are limits to how much of his head-skin Nicolas Cage needs to take off.)

        • Because Boondock Saints isn’t just bad, it fails at what it was trying to do. Like What Dreams May Come, which tries desperately to be glorious and philosophical and heart warming but ends up as just a big disaster fail of LOLZ. Other movies, like Teen Witch, I guess, end up being so bad they’re accidentally great. Not this. Not this.

    • I’ll fucking fourth the Butterfly Effect because it was beyond terrible. I worked at a video store when it came out and had to sit there and listen to idiots talk about how deep and interesting it was.

      The only good part of the movie is the alternate ending where the fetus of Ashton Kutcher commits suicide.

  13. This preceded Paul Blart as an example of a confusing Roger Ebert lapse. He gave this 3 and half out of 4 stars despite the fact that it’s unfathomably shitty. But, hey. He’s Roger Ebert. He can do that and still be cool.

  14. Oh my god, YES. The Black Dahlia needs some serious mockery.

    Can’t wait.

  15. Elle  |   Posted on Mar 2nd, 2009 0

    Ooh! Ooh! I recommended this way back when! I am so glad you skewered it so fully, because I was forced to sit through it during my college Capstone class,”Death and Dying.” Ugh. My professor loved it. Luurrrrrrrrrvvvvvvved it.
    It was unreal and painful.

  16. Troy  |   Posted on Mar 2nd, 2009 -2

    Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li. It just opened, and bombed, in theaters nationwide. It’s so bad it almost becomes sublime. Entire books will one day be devoted to Chris Klein’s performance.

  17. GABE, DO IT!  |   Posted on Mar 2nd, 2009 -1

    THE LAST KISS. I will not rest until you cover The Last Kiss.

  18. The flora and fauna of heaven in that first clip are so gross…I felt like it was going to give me a rash or hives or something!

  19. Not that I’m making excuses, but this movie was based on a book by Richard Matheson. And the book sucked too, though not quite as badly as the movie. Really strange, because most of Matheson’s other work is really great – the original novella I Am Legend, a bunch of Twilight Zones, etc.

    Worst movie of all time? I honestly believe it might be Top Gun. But I think enough people actually like that dreck that you won’t take me seriously. So I’d agree with the suggestion for Catwoman.

  20. I’m worried that when Gabe finally does review The Last Kiss for WMOAT, it’s going to face some AD Movie challenges. That being said, THE LAST KISS THE LAST KISS THE LAST KISS. Many minutes of hell, not just three.

    Wouldn’t Catwoman fall under (or somewhere near) the “can’t be based on a superhero” rule?

  21. I wish they would put Gabe’s reviews on DVD boxes.

  22. For your consideration; Gossip. It has that chick with the weird face from sarah conner chronicles, kate hudson and CYCLOPS (and one of the boondock saints) and its about college students spreading a rumor. for their college class with their unconventional professor. and there are plot twists!

  23. I also vote for Reign Over Me, and nominate The Haunting starring Lili Taylor. Tens years later and I still want my goddamn money back.

    • The Haunting is a good one. Catherine Zeta Jones plays a lesbian and yet, against the laws of physics by this turn of events, it still sucks.

  24. “If you look up “unbearable torture” in the dictionary there’s a picture of a man in an Abu Ghraib hood, standing on a box with wires hanging off of his hands, and Robin Williams giving the thumbs up in the background with a Patch Adams nose on his nightmare face.”

    this is EXACTLY why i love videogum. More surreal robin williams horrorshow imagery plz.

  25. Grease II — I’m going old school in honor of Eddie Deezen’s upcoming 51st birthday. Sometimes we don’t need a cool rider.

    Nice calls on Gossip and The Butterfly Effect. May I also suggest the following bad teen dramas:

    The Skulls, Cruel Intentions, The It Crowd.

    Employee of the Month, My Best Friend’s Girl ,Good Luck Chuck — basically the Dane Cook trifecta of horrors.

    And I’ll conclude with my weekly suggestion of the terminal cancer that is Running with Scissors.

  26. Not Giving Up  |   Posted on Mar 2nd, 2009 +3

    August Rush, Robin Williams is only in a supporting role but he shoes that he can still shine big time. I have no doubts that anyone who ventures to view this “film” will heartily agree.

  27. ‘The Black Dahlia’ is simply a far too easy target: it’s already been mocked by Ellroy himself and most of the main actors – and I’m pretty sure the rest of the crew also didn’t have the time of their lives. Furthermore, De Palma has done some great – though heavily Hitchcock- and Antonioni-inspîred – things, but I guess Hollywood just sucked that sweet sweet gravy right out of his spine.

    So don’t rub it in, Gabe.

  28. OK OK, so there is a lot wrong with this movie. The rich white kids ending, Cuba Gooding Jr floating, and the reaction shot of a person in heaven getting pooped on by an angel bird, or whatever. Some of that is stupid. OK, all of that is stupid. But is all of this movie stupid?

    When Robin Williams is walking into hell, there’s the image of a road paved with the faces of the damned, all of them talking. He stumbles on a guy who claims to be his father, and it turns out that the actor is—WERNER HERZOG. Alone, this little easter egg saves WDMC from WMOAT territory.

    But regardless, WDMC won its Oscar because some of its imagery was/is incredible and inventive and doesn’t occur in the same movie where someone seduces Liv Tyler with animal crackers. That this incredible imagery happens in a movie with Robin Williams, doing his Robin Williamsy things, dooms it to the current wave of internet snark.

    I think these WMOAT articles are hilarious, and they definitely pick up on the embarrassing things that lazy viewers like me might just casually skim over (I could LOL at the Cuba floating clip indefinitely). But why are we snarking on movies like WDMC, which try to show us new things? I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Herzog, the man who said that we as a civilization are starving for new images, appears in the film.

    Shouldn’t we be more cynical toward movies like S1M0NA? Maybe I’m just embarrassed that I like a lot of the movies Gabe ends up reviewing.

    • I’m with you on this one. I don’t think WDMC is an outstanding film, and it suffers from a serious case of the melodramas, but I think there are some genuinely strong moments in this film. Personally, I think Robin Williams is extremely effective as a dramatic actor (Insomnia) or even as a comic actor in a dramatic film (The Fisher King). He’s made some complete garbage to be sure, but I can’t hate him like the rest of Videogum does.

      • Al  |   Posted on Mar 3rd, 2009 +5

        Agreed. Add One Hour Photo and Awakenings as two movies where I think Robin Williams did a nice job. I think he’s better as a dramatic actor, and I won’t deny he’s made a LOT of crap, but it’s untrue that every single movie he’s been in is the worst ever (also, as a 28 yo, I have to love Aladdin as a movie of my youth). I didn’t think this movie was good, but I was impressed with the images and I still remember them.

      • Al  |   Posted on Mar 3rd, 2009 +2

        Also, however you feel about the ridiculousness of The World According to Garp (or the fact that it was forever and a day ago), you can’t knock his acting in that either.

  29. hiho  |   Posted on Mar 2nd, 2009 +8

    Nomination: MARGOT AT THE WEDDING

    sample dialogue: “Mom, I masturbated last night.”

    also: “I left a piece of skin in a movie theater once so it could watch movies all its life. ”

    UGH

  30. KB  |   Posted on Mar 2nd, 2009 +1

    I had the pleasure of viewing Step Up 2: The Streets this weekend. It was amazing ..ly awful. Zero quality in acting, and zero quality in dancing. The director of the school is the best, though. It’s like he’s reading off a medical pamphlet.

  31. I saw this movie and thought it was gaggy, but not THE WORST. The Last Kiss. I really don’t understand your extreme bias against Robin WIlliams, I The Last Kiss think he generally does a good job even if the project is crappy. That The Last Kiss aside, I agree with JaundiceVolt about WDMC having some undeniably strong elements, primarily the visuals. I actually don’t know much about the Cure, but I thought the upside down cathedral The Last Kiss was a really unique take on the idea of hell. I guess what I’m trying to say is The Last Kiss. Well, anyway. The Last Kiss.

    • Robert  |   Posted on Mar 3rd, 2009 +1

      Carrie, keep up the rebellion for the Last Kiss! You would think, for all the Coldplay bashing stereogum/videogum does, they would jump at the chance to ridicule the insane Warning Sign segment in that movie. It’s just a really depressing movie.

      Gabe, I also think you could do some major work with Star Wars: Attack of the Clone. The exchange where Anakin and Natalie Portman talk about Tattoines sand being course, but not like her skin, which was soft and smooth is absolutely gag worthy.

  32. RDJ  |   Posted on Mar 2nd, 2009 -4

    OooOOooo do Showgirls. Showgirls is a terrible, terrible movie. Beyond having a terrible plot, which includes that dude from Blue Velvet creaming his jeans AND an out-of-nowhere rape scene, that film singlehandedly killed the idea of boobies in a major motion picture. five minutes into this movie, i stopped caring there were boobs on the screen. there were just so many, i stopped caring. this is an atrocity, please, please right it by skewering it in the coming weeks.

    • M<  |   Posted on Mar 8th, 2009 -4

      Agreed. Another terrible, terrible sex industry themed film that definitely requires WMOAT treatment is Boogie Nights. The firecracker scene is maybe good enough to redeem it, but the hour plus before that and everything after is horrendous. The scene where Marky Mark gets kicked out of the house by his confusingly jealous (!?) mother made my brain bleed. Maybe it was too brilliant to comprehend.

  33. KMC  |   Posted on Mar 2nd, 2009 0

    Eyes Wide Shut. And don’t come crying to me when you realize that is three hours of your life you will never, ever get back.

    • Al  |   Posted on Mar 3rd, 2009 -1

      Oh man, I HATED that movie. I fell asleep the first time I saw it, and for some reason, felt the need to watch it a second time to see what I missed. There’s a recent feature at the AV Club proposing that it’s not as bad as you think. Reading the article and the comments were interesting (and made me take the movie a little more light-heartedly than before), but I still cannot bear the thought of giving it another chance.

      • Danny  |   Posted on Mar 3rd, 2009 +1

        The problem with Eyes Wide Shut is that it’s a pretty interesting 80-something minute movie stretched out to an outlandish 3 freaking hours. It’s one of those movies set in a world where everybody talks and acts slower than they do in real life, kind of like in M. Night Shyamalan movies.

        • Well put. How about the five-minute scene where Tom negotiates his way into the costume shop, including multiple offers and counter-offers?

  34. YES, I second Running With Scissors.

  35. RB  |   Posted on Mar 3rd, 2009 +3

    This comment thread has been open for hours and I haven’t seen a single Wet Dreams May Come joke. What’s wrong with you people?

  36. Justin  |   Posted on Mar 3rd, 2009 +2

    I’ll have to recommend something I half saw the other day/half read the summary on Wikipedia: Last Holiday, starring Queen Latifah, just for the ending. It’s a movie where Queen Latifah finds out she’s dying and decides to take out all her money and have the bestest vacation a girl could ever dream of (Or her Last Holiday, so to speak). There she finally meets the man of her dreams, sadly too late because of the whole dying thing, so it ends on a touching realization about the fragility and complexity of life……just kidding, this movie fucking stars Queen Latifah, it ends with…SURPISE…the doctor screwed up her chart and she’s not dying and the man is rich so we don’t have to worry about the whole spending all her money thing because, you know, that’s how these “I’m going to live today as if it were my last” things usually work out.

  37. color of night  |   Posted on Mar 3rd, 2009 +1

    Please review Color of Night (1994)

    It has everything — lots of big-time stars doing their worst work ever. A very pretentious and condescending seriousness. Way too many idiotic and pointless plot twists.

    It makes Basic Instinct look like an earnest and life-affirming love story. If you crossed a checkout-counter romance novel with Sliver, it would still be way better than Color of Night.

    See it with somebody you hate!

  38. Days of Thunder starring Tom Cruise

  39. I nominate the last 3 minutes of The Mist.

  40. ranger  |   Posted on Mar 3rd, 2009 +2

    Another nomination for “The Haunting of Molly Hartley”. the whole movie is awful. including the line “TOMORROW IS MY F***ING BIRTHDAY, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!” or something like that. but the ending, is where this movie really shines.

  41. The Haunting of Molly Hartley, please obliterate it. The Man Bangs himself Chace Crawford in it. He also wears way too much self tanner the entire movie.

    I see a lot of Razzies in the future for him, or maybe a lifetime Razzie achievment award.

  42. Joker's Lady  |   Posted on Mar 3rd, 2009 +1

    Yes, that movie sucked. What about Never Been Kissed? a movie where it basically says love between teacher and student is okay!

    Or Click? just an all over the place terrible film.

  43. szczur  |   Posted on Mar 3rd, 2009 -1

    GO GO BLACK DAHLIAAA!

  44. I think you’re confusing Robin Williams with Jim Carrey because the following 14 movies disprove your Jigsaw-ouvre comment:

    1. Dead Poets Society
    2. Hook
    3. Ferngully
    4. Aladdin
    5. Mrs. Doubtfire
    6. To Wong Foo
    7. Jumanji
    8. The Birdcage
    9. Jack (w/e the heart wants what it wants)
    10. Flubber
    11. Good Will Hunting
    12. Jakob the Liar
    13. One Hour Photo
    14. Death to Smoochy

  45. FeelLIkeAStranger  |   Posted on Mar 3rd, 2009 0

    Hi, I’m new to the board. Please tell me “Batman And Robin” has been covered already in this blog.

  46. I am a Heaven Scientist & this movie is all true. Except for the 3 minute rule. You can come & go from hell as you please without getting stuck. As long as you are wearing your protective heaven gear.

  47. Casey  |   Posted on Mar 3rd, 2009 0

    This makes me feel bad for Cuba Gooding Jr. He probably thought he was going to ride that post-Jerry Maguire bump for all time.

    Speaking of Mr. Cuba, I would like to nominate “Lightning Jack.”

  48. Marvin8  |   Posted on Mar 3rd, 2009 -5

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  49. Marvin8  |   Posted on Mar 3rd, 2009 -5

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  50. Marvin8  |   Posted on Mar 3rd, 2009 -7

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  51. Marvin8  |   Posted on Mar 3rd, 2009 -6

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  52. Rufio  |   Posted on Mar 3rd, 2009 0

    this is not the first time robin williams has been taught how to use his imagination:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMqJr_zRVUM

  53. At least Showgirls was fun in and of itself but What Dreams….. I’ve seldom been as angry when finishing a movie as I was when I watched this piece of dreck.

    Re: Chain Reaction.. I went to see it with a friend when it came out because I thought: how bad could it be? I was itching to get out and then about 20 minutes before the movie ended the power went out in the theatre. One wouldthink that we’d at least want to come back and see how it ended .. but my friend and I actually preferred the silent theatre to this craptastic flick.

    I also nominate Vantage Point. By the time the movie ‘rewound’ like the third time, the audience in the theatre I was in started to giggle.. but the fifth time, groans.

  54. courtney  |   Posted on Mar 4th, 2009 0

    Ummm no Justin, Last Holiday is not TWMOAT. It wasn’t the best movie but it’s bearable. You really want a WMOAT nominee, try to torture yourself through How to Lose Friends and Alienate People.

  55. who's the wild man now  |   Posted on Mar 4th, 2009 +2

  56. Adam  |   Posted on Mar 5th, 2009 0

    a) I liked this movie. It’s not a classic, by any stretch, but the imagery is magnificent (watch it in high-def) and I’ve seen much, much worse.
    b) Nothing But Trouble – Demi Moore and Chevy Chase. Soooooo much worse. Sure, it’s apples and oranges, but it makes this film seem like genius in comparison.

  57. efGuy  |   Posted on Mar 5th, 2009 0

    Worst Movies:

    Captivity (For serious. The worst move.)
    Employee of the Month (The Dane Cook Version)
    Bug
    Rachel Getting Married

  58. i’m new to this blog so if these have already been suggested i apologize in advance:
    -i heart huckabees
    -me and you and everyone we know
    -varsity blues
    -cocktail
    and my personal favorite: -surviving the game

  59. oh and also the other sister. i can’t believe i almost forgot that.

  60. Bill_the_Bear  |   Posted on Mar 5th, 2009 +1

    I second the recommendations for “Reign Over Me” and “Margot at the Wedding.”

    However, has nobody suggested “Trust the Man?” It’s a major trainwreck of a movie, which makes Julianne Moore look like a frigid b*tch who can’t relate to her kids…AND it’s directed by her husband, with her real-life kids playing her kids in the movie. Belive me, it gets worse from there.

  61. phillycheese  |   Posted on Mar 5th, 2009 -1

    That movie “Next” with Nic Cage is the dumbest movie I’ve ever seen. For some reason, he could see two minutes into the future. Not one minute, not an hour, but two minutes. Friggin stupid.

  62. jb  |   Posted on Mar 6th, 2009 0

    have you all forgotten 1997? Kevin Costner’s THE POSTMAN. ? how did it even get released on the public?

  63. How can this be happening?!??!! The worst movie of all time HAS to be “Righteous Kill” IT IS THE WORST! Let’s get a write up on that gem! lol…

  64. Ben  |   Posted on Mar 6th, 2009 -1

    Marvin8: I’ve seen it! It’s got Kramer in a pre-Seinfeld role. Yeah, I think it’s billed as a comedy but for the most part it was just weird and confusing.

    My suggestion: The David Duchovney vanity project House of D. This movie has Robin Williams playing a retard in old person make-up. That’s a trifecta of terrible right there.

  65. Wow! I cannot believe that no one has mentioned the Uwe Boll opus “Alone in the Dark”. It probably has the most ridiculous opening fight scene I’ve seen in a movie.

  66. mbb  |   Posted on Mar 7th, 2009 0

    I nominate In the Land of Women.

  67. Kim  |   Posted on Mar 8th, 2009 -2

    Worst movie of all time? There are so many to choose from…. But try a little something called The Fountain. Total Garbage.

  68. At First Sight aka the last nail in the coffin that contains val kilmer’s rotting fetid career.

  69. M<  |   Posted on Mar 8th, 2009 -1

    If you count Ice-T as a bona fide star, you simply must, must consider Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo. The word “disappointing” comes up in the Wikipedia entry for this movie. Strangely, the words “DIE!! DIE FOREVER, FOUL ATROCITY!!!” do not. The dancing gang bangers save the rec centre. Nuff said.

  70. M<  |   Posted on Mar 8th, 2009 0

    Oh, and Dick Tracy. An hallucinogenic horror show of pastel costumery. I believe Warren Beatty (only marginally less acceptable than Ned Beatty) and Madonna had an affair during the making of this movie. While technically not part of the final product, that’s still a pretty good indication of the kind of piss-shiver inducing… oh wait, is Dick Tracy a super hero? Not really, but he is a comic book character so I guess yes. Never mind. But look what I did. Now you’re thinking of pudgy old Ned Beatty as Dick Tracy, skankin around on the side with a not-at-all-like-a-virgin Madonna. BOGGLE.

  71. Might I suggest a little movie from the 80′s called Body Rock. It stars Lorenzo Illamas as a street graffiti aritist/rapper named Chilli D trying to make it in the big time. I know it sounds made up, but i assure you it’s very real. The climax of the movie features Chilli jumbing off of a giant ghetto blaster…you’re welcome.

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086985/

  72. Can’t believe no one has even honorably mentioned “Lady in the Water” Another installment from the M. Night Shyamalan turd factory. Jesus! what a bad movie. I would have walked out of it, but I was strangely mesmerized by it; like driving by a bad car accident- you don’t want to look, but you do our of morbid curiosity. Suprisingly, it was Academy-worthy compared to “The Happening” (repressed that one)

    • courtney  |   Posted on Mar 8th, 2009 0

      Gabe already did Lady in the Water, look in the archives. I’ve never heard of half of these movies you guys are talking about. How are any of these real because they sound so bad.

  73. . . . I would also like to nominate “Simon Birch” It tried to be a tear-jerker but ended up causing me to have a urinary incontinent episode from laughter (not good for a “serious” movie).

  74. ben  |   Posted on Mar 9th, 2009 0

    1. Sleuth (remake)
    2. A view to a Kill
    3. Batman and Robin
    4. Godfather Part III

  75. I’m going to continue with my campaign for Forces of Nature. Yes Sandra Bullock has made worst movies but this one also has Ben Affleck and some how thought it would teach people about loving life and enjoying the ride.

  76. Carrie  |   Posted on Mar 9th, 2009 0

    Unfaithful. All the reviews on imdb are positive but I thought it was the worst movie I’ve ever seen. Diane Lane has an affair with a french guy (her husband is Richard Gere.) In my opinion it was terrible, but as I said, imdb thinks otherwise. I had to force myself to finish it and after I did I regretted the decision for days.

  77. Shane Brady  |   Posted on Mar 19th, 2009 +1

    “Writing criticism is to writing fiction and poetry as hugging the shore is to sailing in the open sea.” – John Updike

    I can understand disliking a movie and sharing your opinion, but to take such a harmless movie as this – that inspires hope in many people – and to apply your scathing wit to the film is not cool or intellectual – it’s just malicious. I really enjoyed the concept that heaven and hell ARE in our own minds, and they are often hidden by Maya or the distractions of our world. And Hell is simply being alone – we’d go crazy without human interaction – and this film, in spite of its shortcomings, presents these concepts fairly well.

    And the way these cool-kid sites take actors like Robin Williams and bands like most of them and completely ream the ones they don’t agree with. When some lame people come to YOU to see what’s hip, it’s socially irresponsible to bash things that get on your nerves. In a world where no one understands each other and universal love and understanding is needed, I don’t understand how you people can make your living off of dogging other things, regardless of whether people enjoy reading negativity. As a media source, I value the freedom you have to say whatever you want – but are you really going to take advantage of the power that comes from reputation and use it to talk about how bad things are? Isn’t there enough that’s good to focus on?

  78. Cylon projecting is way cooler than all this Heaven Imagination Magic stuff.

  79. Now I honestly do not know which movie is the worst of all times. Lady in the water or What dreams may come. I saw both of them and I`m sorry I wasted all those ours. I was so sad I lost time on them, that I stood and watched them ti`ll the end.:))

  80. Armisael  |   Posted on May 17th, 2009 +1

    dou you really think that what dreams may come is the whorst movie? sure there isn’t someone with a gun pointing to your head,think again buddy,or even better , keep thinking you’re a good film critic

  81. Kevin  |   Posted on Jun 28th, 2009 0

    My favorite parts of this review:
    1) When he complains that everything is too “obvious”.
    2) When he mocks the out of nowhere “twist” that Albert is really the son, and Leona (aka “the asian flight attendent) is the daughter.

    If the movie is so obvious, Gabe, why didn’t you understand those twists? I’m pretty sure it can’t go both ways. Pick one way to mock something. But don’t contradict it later. Otherwise you come across as a smart-ass that thinks ‘bad filming-making’ is the same thing as movies you don’tlike.

  82. This is one of the best movies i have watched.. if you dont like it is because its not on your level … you can not understand it…
    this movie is my all time favorite
    juancuello@live.com

  83. You officially have no heart, mister. Zero of it.

  84. You’re stupid, you don’t understand that movie at all. That movie is awesome. I cried with this movie, you have no heart!

  85. Yep, this is IMO THE worst movie of all time. Ever ever. It tops so many lists of the most WTF movies ever, including this one: http://www.ranker.com/list/what-were-they-thinking-movies/greg

    I just cannot understand why people like this film. I’ve tried, I really have.

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