The rumored huge gigantic Bachelor twist/scandal will finally be revealed tonight on the show’s “freakish” finale, despite an adorable “Don’t Air The Show” fan petition (Who knew Bachelor fans were so naive? JK!). ABC is airing THREE HOURS of the Bachelor telenovela tonight, and then Jason is going to be on Kimmel, so that’s almost like four. The first two hours will be the finale in which Melissa is chosen. The last hour will be the first of two After The Final Rose specials (the next one is tomorrow night), in which we’ll learn that Jason has broken up with Melissa and is now dating Molly. Or so the blogs say, but mostly the blogs have been right (except this one – last week I said that Melissa was dumped in front of an audience, but it turns out they didn’t use an audience this time out of “sensitivity.” There goes my dream of one day blogging about the Israel/Palestine conflict for The Economist.) There are several previews/teasers for the finale out there, but this is my favorite because ABC is afraid to say the word “god” in “oh my god.”

I could watch Jason running out on that balcony crying like Meadow Soprano to her room after a fight with Tony about her interracial college relationship on a constant loop forever.