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Gwyneth Paltrow is the reason revolutions happen. At a certain point, the poor are like “wait a second, I may not be able to afford food and medicine, but I am definitely able to afford torches, and violent outrage.” She is the poster girl of the self-satisfied bourgeoisie. You haven’t seen that poster? That’s because it’s custom-framed and hanging in the master billiard room (not to be confused with the servants’ billiard room). But now she’s had enough of people recognizing her for what she really is, which is a stupid rich phony. From OK!:
“F**k the haters! I saw this blog of people writing horrible things about me and, for a second, your ego is so wounded,” Paltrow, 36, says in the March issue of Elle UK. “How could people hate me, my intentions or what I’m trying to do? I’m a good person and I’m trying to put good things into the world.”
The only person who is confused about how people could hate Gwyneth Paltrow is Gwyneth Paltrow. Even the people who love her are like “no, I get it.” I’m surprised that she googled herself long enough to find a mean blog post about herself, but not long enough to find any of the news articles about things that she’s done that would fuel a mean blog post, i.e. every news article about her. She was probably about to look herself up on Wikipedia but got distracted by a noble arriving at the chateau in a gilded carriage to inquire about where to get a modernized mid-century sink. She loves to do charity work!
Off with her head!
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You Can’t Make It Up.
god she would marry coldplay too
“I’m a good person and I’m trying to put good things into the world.” What? Sky Captain And The World Of Tomorrow? View From The Top? Bounce, maybe? Surely she doesn’t mean Duets?
sliding doors, duh.
EPIC JAIL STRIKES AGAIN.
so she actually said “Fuck the haters???”…. who is she? anne hathaway in havoc or some shit?
One day she is going to be responsible for unleashing a post-divorce coldplay album on the world. And then the revolution begins…
Actually that may be just the record that would make Coldplay tolerable.
“for a second, your ego is wounded”
mmmm, done, back to the bubble now
it’s like how people that smell bad obviously can’t smell themselves or they’d take a bath.
I always thought Chris Martin had bad breath. And Gwyneth always put up with it. Now she has bad breath too. But she doesn’t now it.
The best part of this is that when you wrote that line about a modernized mid-century sink, I thought it was such a clever arbitrary blow, like what great hyperbole about what a petty near-sighted pretentious princess she is … and then I went to read that GOOP article and IT’S FUCKING TRUE. What. What. Why?
HER EGO WAS WOUNDED. But don’t worry, it was only for a second. Goopy Gwen’s ego is extremely resilient, if not totally impenetrable.
sorry, GWYN’S*. (Read: Not sorry)
haha the blog she’s talking about is probably videogum
I hope it is. And I hope she writes an email to Gabe, Verne Troyer-style. I love these celebrity feuds!
What happened to you feeling pity for our negative energy, Gwynnie?
Chris, I visited your home this morning after you’d left. I tried to play husband. I tried to taste the life of a lame duck rockstar. It didn’t work out, so I took a souvenir… her pretty head.
LOL
I wish I had a blog where I occasionally talked shit about Gwyneth Paltrow. It would be nice to know that I helped make a difference in the world by striking a blow against her gargantuan ego.
she’s supposed to be iron man’s bitch yet she’s banging the lead singer of the coldplays. she sucks!
My love for PBS has lessened. That Spain on the Road show is possibly one of the worst/pretentious/pointless/why is it on PBS home of America’s Test Kitchen shows I’ve ever seen. Maybe Mario Batali will drive off a cliff with Gwennie riding shotgun. Wow…that felt good!!
I don’t get all the snarky laughter over this one. She seems pretty harmless to me.
i agree, a bit.
i love me some gwyneth (seriously, i do. she’s very beautiful and she’s done some really nice things for people that i know) AND i agree that she sometimes says stuff that’s totally ugh-inducing with its narrow, i’ve-never-not-been-fabulously-wealthy perspective AND i also think she really is trying to be a positive good person.
but it’s like all well-intentioned, rich, white liberals. it’s hard to truly understand what average people want/need/feel when you’ve never wanted for anything in your entire life.
and, again, admittedly, ugh. oh, gwynnie.
What’s hilarious to me is that when i think of goop, i don’t think of a shitty celebrity nickname or “everything and nothing” but instead i think of a useless bloblike substance that sticks to objects and gets dirtier and dirtier the more things it comes into contact with until it’s not even recognizable, but just a filthy random amalgamation of *stuff*. so….good name paltrow!
also, i was watching some show on tv with a hyper-stylish homosexual (like stylish to the point to wthich i feel as though i’m being told that this is a fundamental element of what he – a homosexual – is clearly supposed to represent to me – the viewer), and he mentioned that clutter is bad. so with that, i uncluttered the cluttery-clutter of GOOP’s main page (albeit sloppily and quickly..):
i believe you are talking about gak. if not, i apologize. however, i would like to be talking about gak.
gak fits this description perfectly. but i was more talking about a generic substance: goop. sort of as in “that nickelodeon GAK is no kind of toy for my kid. all it is is a bunch of goop!”
She makes me want to projectile vomit. EVERYWHERE.
She was good as Iron Man’s secretary, but since when has acting become something that actually mattered to ordinary people.
Get over yourself Gwyneth, get over yourself.