Tool Academy premieres this Sunday on Vh1, and obviously I am curious. This new breed (Charm School, From G’s to Gents) of redemption-story reality TV built on social re-education is probably the most interesting development since the romance genre (Blind Date, Shipmates, culminating in The Bachelor) started in the late ’90s. But, is it just me, or is something missing from this?

What I mean is, what makes tools tools is the way they behave towards everyone, not just their girlfriends. A lot of tools don’t even have girlfriends. And there are definitely tools of the non-sexual type. This show relies on a really specific and narrow definition of what makes a tool. Not to mention the fact that these challenges look pretty generic. You could have a “baby animal challenge” or a “try not to scream at each other on the lawn challenge” on any show about saving relationships. Which then brings us to the saving of the relationship: what? Who cares? I’m supposed to care about whether or not a tool manages to keep his girlfriend who obviously should have left him a long time ago from leaving him now?

If I’m going to watch a show called Tool Academy, I want that show to be about exploding the cultural constructs that create tools in the first place, because it seems, at least to me, that these guys are acting that way in reaction to the outside world, either out of fear or insecurity or both. That’s interesting. Let’s deal with that. Because then we’re looking at how tools interact with the entire world, rather than just tools and their sad girlfriends.

It’s funny how I’m getting really serious about why I wouldn’t watch this, when obviously nothing could keep me from watching this. See you Sunday night at 11.

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Comments (41)
  1. I normally blame women for tools (sorry ladies, but even though I consider myself a feminist it needs to be said) because as long as women are attracted to toolsand acting like a too works, there will always be more of them. Just look at The Pick Up Artist, which teaches nice guys to act like jerks to get girls (drunk girls, but girls none the less) abd I;m horrifoed to see it works. I don’t know where you live Gabe, but where I live the tools get all the chicks, who proceed to treat them like shit. Remember ladies, every time you have sex with a tool, you create two more.

  2. The problem is the show you described would be educational and entertaining, this is VH1 we’re talking about. They don’t do really do shows like that.

    • Occasionally VH1 throws me for a ringer and makes a really cool “Rock Doc” about the 70s or drug culture (or both! they’re the same!) that I come across while flipping channels that just blows me away. They impresses me because they are well-done docs on interesting subjects (often music related – holy hell!) and not a tangentially-related-to-someone-famous dating show or something about how rich people have money. BUT the bad VH1 feelings immediately come back when the commercials start and every second one is for Flavor of Rock Bus with Loving Money and Picking Up Women.

  3. that’s your boyfriend. the show sould focus on the women. they’re clearly the bigger tools in this toolbox for dating those things.

    • Michelle   |   Posted on Jan 11th, 2009 0

      Lol. I agree what about the “toolette” that lets her boyfriend live off of her child support money! She is working double time to enable and also raise a future tool

  4. Rick Love  |   Posted on Jan 7th, 2009 0

    Well if you see the trailer, it looks pretty intense. I think the show is going to be deeper than everyone thinks. I mean they got that therapist lady and what not. Haha but I think the show will still with enough tool energy to entertain.

  5. pamela  |   Posted on Jan 7th, 2009 0

    Well, JWilliams, it looks like they have taken that leap. Looks great!

  6. I will be watching. And I can’t think of any other reality show that I even watch anymore. But I love watching tools. Although I know I’m going to be wanting to slap those idiot women.

  7. it’s a self-perpetuating cycle.
    when ladies date and marry tools, they have children whose fathers are tools.
    boys with dads that are tools will potentially model that behavior, and then grow up to be tools.
    girls who grow up with emotionally unavailable douche bag dads will seek out those men when they get older, since that’s the way they’re used to love feeling.
    we need to break the cycle, ladies.
    BREAK IT!

  8. Sorry, but that’s like blaming fat people for preferring to eat delicious fatty foods. You don’t eat that shit because you’re hungry or because you think it’s in your best interest. You eat it because while you were growing up you were bombarded by advertising telling you that you would be way more popular if you just enjoyed a Whopper more often and because your shitty anti-role-model of a step-father didn’t feel like cooking for you and berated you in front of your friends causing you to have insanely low self-esteem and because capitalism wins all the time.

    It’s not like if any of these women lived in a cultural vacuum and then were given the choice between Douchey McShittytattoos and say, Paul Rudd, they would pick the former.

    The whole women-only-like-assholes thing is just so tired. Men who believe that are usually assholes who consequently are also unattractive.

    • bvelvet  |   Posted on Jan 11th, 2009 -1

      This sounds like something a girl would say. There are very attractive guys who say the girls-only-like-jerks thing, and heck, as other posters here have said, they TEACH THEMSELVES TO BE TOOLS TO GET WOMEN, and IT WORKS!

      So yes people who are overweight generally make choices that lead them to being overweight. And they get judged accordingly (right or wrong).

      So let’s be real. I am a feminist and I believe that women are to be taken seriously in all of their life choices (education, career, etc.) but those rights come with responsibilities. If these women choose to get with ‘tools’ AND they know it (as the women on this show admit themselves) they are accepting the consequences.

      In US society, women choose the men (since rape is and should be illegal).
      No one makes these women lay spread eagle for these guys.

      That said, guys follow what works, we guys are like electrons: we go the path of least resistance. Whether or not people think it’s tired to admit the truth, it is the truth: if you act like a tool, you’ll get (at least while you are younger) the maximum amount of women, and more important, choice between them.

      What I wish this show did, was to give the women therapy. Lord knows they need it.

      Finally: blaming guys who talk about women’s dating habits and calling them ‘unattractive’ is nothing but an ad-hominem attack. It doesn’t’ deny the truth of the claim. After all, why would these ripped, attractive guys act like ‘tools’ if it didn’t work for them? Just ask them youreslf.

      • Whoa, sorry to reply so late on this, oh boy!

        First off, I can’t tell you how much I love it when dudes call themselves feminists and start comments with “That sounds like something a girl would say.” Me (actual feminist) = convinced. Also, very generous of you to acknowledge that women should be “taken seriously.”

        Also, you are a moron who completely missed my point (the “choices” those belonging to oppressed classes make are not always so freely “chosen”). But you are dumb so I forgive you.

  9. I hate what VH1 is become but, Gabe, if you do day-after Tool Academy writeups a la the ones you did for The Pick Up Artist, I’ll watch every single episode. I’m already getting grossed out thinking about all the tribal symbol and barbed wire tattoos I’ll be subjected to, but it’ll be worth it.

  10. bonita  |   Posted on Jan 7th, 2009 +1

    If I were to create a reality show, it would be this! Except, if the tools don’t chage, I would light them on fire. I can’t stand guys like that! I hope that VH1 can save them.

  11. RIck Love  |   Posted on Jan 7th, 2009 0

    Well seriously here’s the deal. It’s not so much that women love assholes. The caringiscool guy or girl had it all right with the cycles and the daddy issues. But lets not forget the main reason why tools get laid all the time. They are damn entertaining. Why else would they make the show. Why do women love them and become their loves slaves. One part is the perpetual cycle theory. The other one is these guys just don’t give a freak. This show is going to be so tool (haha) because the guys are going to have a world stage to show off their tooldum. It’s going to be the funniest show and great psychological study.

  12. YES! just kill them brutally at the end. isn’t that what all reality tv is missing? where the Romans so very far off?

  13. edc  |   Posted on Jan 8th, 2009 0

    this is why america must be destroyed.

  14. Ramalamb  |   Posted on Jan 8th, 2009 0

    Well I mean you can’t kill off the tools just because their tools. You have to reform them and that’s what the show is all about. Anyone can be reformed if motivated. That’s what the shows all about. I mean honestly if someone would pay for me to go to a real Tool Academy, I would do it.

  15. Ronda  |   Posted on Jan 8th, 2009 -1

    Those hot young men just make me so wet in the pants. There is nothing better than a bad boy trying to be good. It’s like uncle Jessie from full house, you know he was out banging bitches, and cheating on Rebbecca.

  16. Idon'tthinkso  |   Posted on Jan 8th, 2009 0

    You’ve got to be kidding me? You would nominate Uncle Jesse? Uncle Jesse was honorable as could be. Great uncle by day, Player at night, until he fell in love with Rebecca. If there is anybody who belongs on Tool Academy from Full House it was the goofy bastard Uncle Joey or the dad. But that’s like the old school definition of a Tool.

    The Tool academy version would be like ummmmm……… Look up the definition of a Frat boy!

  17. pseudointellectual tool analysts :)  |   Posted on Jan 9th, 2009 -1

    lmao!! I really love how you guys are sitting here analyzing a show called “tool academy” as if you really have an ounce of intellect. Are you kidding? We’re not talking about friggin breaking cultural bindings and saving the world.. its a fun show on vh1.. you guys are all tools.. Oh yeah, and i’ll def be watching…

  18. Tool Academy is using an unqualified polygraph examiner (John Grogan) for their show. He never attended polygraph school and is the biggest con man in the polygraph industry. Visit truthaboutgrogan dot org for details, evidence, etc.

  19. Idon'tthinkso  |   Posted on Jan 9th, 2009 0

    If being a Tool is a crime for being passionate about the show then I’m guilty. All people who analyze have intellect. Hell you just analyzed our comments. You actually took the time to read them. This show will be for the pseudo-intellectuals and the a wanna be psychologist as well as people who just want to have fun and watch. You know there are going to be issues that go deep beyond couple hood with these guys. I’ll be analyzing as I’m watching. That’s just what I do.

  20. kapowski  |   Posted on Jan 9th, 2009 0

    I tell girls I love them after 3 hours bro!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHA! I think I love him after 2 seconds!

  21. womanrinsane  |   Posted on Jan 12th, 2009 0

    the reason woman get treated the way they so is because they allow it to happen. I been with my bf for almost 7 years and Not once has he said a bad thing about me or disrespected me, Why because he knows im a one strike your out the door kind of person. it dont matter how long you been with the person if they can treat you bad they dont love you and why waist your life. if i was on this show and my bf acted like any of these guys did in the beginning I would have walked off the show and forget i knew him.

  22. pokita  |   Posted on Jan 12th, 2009 0

    HAHAHA!!!! Did you see it?! The Asian said, ?Matsu-flex is not just a name! It?s a revolution?!!! HAHA! This IS the best reality show ever!

  23. Ilikeit  |   Posted on Jan 13th, 2009 0

    LOL at the Tool dancing around on the field by himself in his man panties. I mean the camera turns and all of a sudden dude is just dancing around with no pants on. Easily the most entertooling thing I’ve seen in some time.

  24. I love the fact that they are calling it Tool Academy! That is the best name for a show!

  25. I can’t wait for the next episode! Ahhhh! It was sooo funny!

  26. Toolforyou  |   Posted on Jan 14th, 2009 0

    Flock of Seaguls Tool, looks to be having two girlfriends according to the tease for the next episode.

  27. Rickisit  |   Posted on Jan 15th, 2009 0

    There comes a time in a mans life when he needs to decide? Was I that tool? Have I ever done anything real toolish?

  28. I’m so bored, so i am looking at Tool Academy sites. HAhA I really love this show.

  29. Finestein  |   Posted on Jan 16th, 2009 0

    Sunday can’t come fast enough! I will be observing the tools to analyze what it is that draws women to them!

  30. midnite  |   Posted on Jan 16th, 2009 0

    I don’t care what anyone says, Celebrity seems uber-gay!

  31. One quick comment Genevieve is a STD carrying hoe. Her man is hot, nice and sweet, and in return he has a HOOKA.. She needs a good as beat by a bitch like myself that would easily take her out with one TKD roundhouse..CYA

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