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The annual White House Christmas Video came out on Monday, and I’ve been avoiding it since then because it’s the annual White House Christmas Video. But I was wrong, and I apologize. This thing is fucking nuts.

President Bush: Where is my crack pipe? I know I left it around here somewhere.
Laura Bush: It doesn’t matter, George, I smoked all the crack in it already.
Barney: I run this bitch.
Barbara Bush: Crack doesn’t affect me, because I’m a robot!
Jenna Bush: I’m married!
Michael Phelps: Gold medals. Olympics. Swimming. Pancakes.
Barbara Bush: Oh look, Michael Phelps is a robot, too.
Michael Phelps: Olympics. China. Swimming. Gold Medals.
President Bush: Laura, I thought we agreed that whoever finished the crack was in charge of buying more crack.
Laura Bush: You’re right. I’m sorry dear. It’s just hard to remember things when you’re so consumed by the constant terror of having killed someone with your car.

And scene.

Comments (30)
  1. y  |   Posted on Dec 17th, 2008 +1

    Get these guys their own series!

  2. holy...  |   Posted on Dec 17th, 2008 +3

    What the hell?! Barney didn’t help AT ALL!

  3. “We’re sprinting to the finish, Barney! Not napping!”

    Says the man who is bringing the term “lame duck” to an entire new stratosphere.

    Ugh, needs more shoe throwing kthx.

  4. this video get my ‘shoe’ of approval!

  5. Leave it to white trash from Texas to have such hideous decorations. (i totally went there).

    Seriously, I’ve seen some similar shit piled on some houses over here in Dallas. Just tragic.

  6. G. Bush: “Tinsel?”
    L. Bush: “Check!”
    G. Bush: “Cheer?”
    L. Bush: “Check!”
    G. Bush: “Jolly-holiday-eeness?”
    L. Bush: “Check!”
    G. Bush: “Recession?”
    L. Bush: “Check!”

  7. That poor dog!

  8. The money used to make this video could have saved a starving child in Africa.

    • No way. That crappy video probably cost $10. There is more production value and better acting in a High School drama.

      C’mon Bush! You’re the freakin’ President of the US! You couldn’t tap FOX “News” to get some help making that video?

  9. Who was the pretty girl who called herself a champion? I presume she was an olympian, but I don’t know who she was specifically.

  10. The Bushes’ acting is even more wooden than Michael Phelps’.

  11. i had forgotten all about the olympics.

  12. I wanted more Jenna. she had a real nice Catherine O’Hara in Waiting for Guffman vibe goin.

  13. holy shit this is insane.

  14. also, SICK beard, phelps.

    also this seems like a video they’d show you at a library to get you to not steal books.

    also holy shit this is still so insane

  15. oh.  |   Posted on Dec 17th, 2008 0

    You guys, I think when you talk to a dog, you’re suddenly super stoned. It’s a theory worth testing.

  16. Sean  |   Posted on Dec 17th, 2008 +2

    10

  17. americans: that’s (still) your president.

  18. That room could use a bowl of lighters.

  19. Why did no one ever tell me that i could be in the White House Christmas video if i won Olympic medals?! Now i finally have a reason to start practicing rhythm gymnastics again.

  20. Is this a preview of the new season of That’s My Bush? Because that would be awesome.

  21. Jack  |   Posted on Dec 17th, 2008 0

    wait a second! he didn’t mention a crack pipe

  22. I love Miss Beazley’s pink bolero…wait how do I know that’s her name?

  23. hillary_b  |   Posted on Dec 18th, 2008 0

    scariest part: jenna’s voice is EXACTLY like her mom’s.
    best part: olympic medalists should stick to medaling not acting.

    pro-tip: want to decorate your house for christmas? get a dog to walk past it, and you’re golden.

  24. Best. President. Ever.

  25. Liam  |   Posted on Dec 18th, 2008 0

    i love how Laura Bush refers to her OWN HUSBAND as “President Bush” at the end. i bet he makes her call him that, like he gets all bitchy and pretends not to hear her if she calls him “George” or “Georgie” or “Dumbass”. also if Barack Obama REALLY wants to reach across the aisle, he’ll appoint Barney the Secretary of Being Too Fucking Adorable For Words.

  26. yrboyfriend  |   Posted on Dec 18th, 2008 +1

    Damn, what was that bullshit at the beginning where the two dogs got to sit on the sofa, but the two daughters had to sit on the floor?

    Republicans!

  27. I always love these, they’re always about Barney and Mrs. Beasley. I hope the puppy that Obama got Joe Biden makes videos this funny.

    Seriously, I wish Bush wouldn’t of war crimed so many people so I could look back on this kind of thing with happy nostalgia.

  28. That crappy video probably costs $10. There is more production value and better acting in a High School drama.

    C’mon Bush! You’re the freakin’ President of the US! You couldn’t tap FOX “News” to get some help making that video?

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