The words “epic FAIL” get thrown around a lot these days, but let’s throw them around at this.

Is it just me, or when you see David Blaine do you think of Gob in the pilot episode of Arrested Development? “‘Illusions,’ dad, you don’t have time for David Blaine’s ‘illusions.’” And you know, it was one thing when David Blaine made the switch from doing actual magic to just, you know, standing in a coffin on top of a a pillar made of ice in a plexiglass cage of his own self-involvement, but I don’t even know what this IS. Let me get this straight, the trick was to hang upside down for 60 hours straight except for when he didn’t, which was constantly, and then he jumped off some scaffolding while attached to a harness and the final twist is that he’s still attached to a harness? I AM READY FOR THE MIND EXPLOSION! “He was the greatest illusionist of our time. Who else could ride a crane cable almost ten feet into the air with nothing but a harness, a safety vest, and a regrettable two hour television special.” The most amazing thing about this whole incident is the excuses he made to TMZ today about how the show would have been way better if George Bush hadn’t interrupted the broadcast with his whole speech about the economy because then there wouldn’t have been wind? Maybe the show would have been better if you weren’t THE WORST. George W. Bush is to be blamed for a lot of things, but wind in Central Park as it relates to the magical balloon section of your horrible joke of a clown parade is not one of them. NO, DAVID BLAINE.