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Doesn’t it seem SO EARLY for a “Should Annie lose her virginity or not?” episode? But okay. Last night’s 90210 was kind of crazy. I kind of liked it. So, it’s finally almost time for the West Beverly production of Spring Awakening, and wholesome Annie is the understudy to lead actress Adriana, who is on drugs so we know what that will mean. And Annie, who is fifteen, has decided she’s going to lose her virginity to Ty. There’s this whole thing where her dad catches them making out and then her mom gives her a really silly sex talk that Annie compares to an afterschool special and Silver is like “What’s an afterschool special?” and Annie’s like “Google it.” So Annie is all set to be Adriana’s understudy in the play and then go have sex with Ty in the hotel room at the Roosevelt Hotel afterwards, when things take a really messed up and shocking turn…
Adriana disappears! Has anybody seen Adriana?:
(Sorry.) So then Annie does Adriana’s part in the play and is really good, and then she asks her brother Dixon for a very special item he’s been keeping in his wallet for five four years. I used to think Tristan Wilds was a bad actor on this show, but now I realize that it’s just impossible for anyone to sell lines like “She’s a big seething pot of mean” (he’s talking about Silver. They like each other all of a sudden):
Then Annie tells Ethan she’s going to go do Ty, but when she gets to the hotel room, Adriana is there instead and is all like “Ty is in the shower rinsing his penis off!” (Which is a lie!):
So Annie runs away and gives a speech about how here she is “in Hollywood at the Roosevelt Hotel about to give it up to some guy she barely knows,” and she doesn’t want to be part of “all your friends with all their benefits!”
And then Dixon and The Big Seething Pot Of Mean are about to do it but OOPS he gave his condom to his sister! The parents were worried about the wrong kid!:
And then life was really hard for Annie and she cried:
Next week someone gets pushed!
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gabe, take the rest of the day off. you earned it with that “MASH UP”
oops, i mean lindsay take the rest of the day off. seems like gabe would be the 90210 guy.
Gabe is going to be thrilled to read that. (You’re not wrong, of course.)
it’s over between us, hollywood roosevelt hotel. even a lifetime supply of the pill-colored m&ms can’t fix this…this…0vertising.
(that’s a zero, like as in 90210. can i take the rest of the day off?)
hahaha, i love the first clip where shannen doherty is walking down the hallway being all, ‘MY DRESS HAS POCKETS, Y’ALL! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! I HARDLY CAN!’
Speaking of Shannen Doherty’s dress, what was keeping it up? No straps and I’m meant to believe that gravity is working that hard, yeah right! Also, kids in Beverly Hills don’t know what an after school special is? That is sadder than Jennie Garth and Shannen Dorherty mixed together in a big pot of SAD!
I love the first clip were Shannen Doherty “I’m working on the same show that I worked on when I was somebody.”
Seriously though guys, she looks like hell on earth.
Omg. What the hell was Dixon doing with the condom in his wallet when he was 11!? Rofl.
Or is Dixon older than Annie?
Ok, so I first read about this new 90210 on the gum and thought, “Wow, this sounds a lot like Degrassi” OH WAIT! DARCY IS ON THIS SHOW, IT IS DEGRASSI!
Also, the whole plot line of asking a friend of a wallet condom (which will doubtlessly break because it’s been in a wallet for five (four) years) could not be more degrassi-esque.
I might actually start watching 90210…if they bring Ellie Nash from Degrassi High on to the show.