I was watching the Olympics last night because I love knowing who can go just a little bit faster at something than the other people who still go very very fast, and as the runners were lining up for the 200 meter semi-finals, the announcers explained where 2004 Olympic gold medalist (and SPOILER ALERT last night’s bronzesilver medalist) Shawn Crawford keeps his medals.

Haha. What? That’s insane. That is what an insane person does. The saddest part of that story is that piranhas were probably his fall-back plan. He wanted to get the shark tank with laser-mounted great whites. And if that didn’t work out he was probably going to put the medals inside of a dolphin that had been hooked up to a bomb that would explode if the dolphin swam slower than 55 miles per hour. Instead he just got piranhas. Just kidding, putting your Olympic medals inside a treasure chest in a tank full of piranhas has set the world record in crazed.