As reported, Steve Guttenberg is back in the pages of the New York Observer this week. Knowing what we know now: that Steve loved his last crazy interview with reporter Spencer Morgan, was eager to do another, and might get his own reality show, we can just sit back and enjoy the interview without feeling guilty. The interview is a garden of near-Busey-level delights best discovered serendipitously, but here are a few moments that started my internet morning right:

He said he makes a point to be kind to everyone in the service business. On the walk over, he’d shouted hearty greetings to several doormen, some of whom seemed perplexed.

“There are times when you’re around the wrong people and the wrong things and you feel sort of thin,” he said. “I think it has something to do with someone sucking your soul out.

“I was trying to just enjoy the music,” he said, “and I was being pulled in: ‘Give me, tell me, perform for me, dance a little bit, you fuckin’ monkey.’ You know, ‘You’re an actor, tell me what it’s like? Was there really a ghost in Three Men and a Baby? What were the old people like in Cocoon? Was that robot really alive?’

“I was like, ‘I want my mommy,’” he said.

“Was that robot really alive?” refers presumably to Number Five from Short Circuit, and nobody ever asked if that robot was really alive. This guy needs a talk show, not a reality show. Is it too late to replace Jimmy Fallon with The Goot?